Because of You I'm Breaking
by JCapzona
Summary: We know Arizona as the perky peds surgeon. Rollerskate girl. Blondie. She's super cute. Like really, REALLY cute...but what we don't know, is that before Seattle Grace? AZ hit up bars, had one night stands...AZ was legendary...as a heart breaker.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Because of You I'm Breaking [Chapter 1]  
**  
Author: **JCapzona  
**  
Rating:** NC-17  
**  
Pairing:** Callie/Arizona  
**  
Disclaimer: **All television shows and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings ext. are the properties of their respective owners. This work is non-profit and simply written for fun. Reference to persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be factual.  
**  
Summary:** Arizona confronts Callie about her decision to raise a child with Mark after Sloan decides to put him up for adoption. *this is my first attempt at fan fiction, let me know what you guys think, i encourage criticism but go easy on me =) thanks for reading! **sorry for the shortness of this chapter. just wanted the first chapter to be the argument scene! I promise to make up the MIA word count in the next chapter!***

The frostiness of Callie's apartment had nothing to do with the barrage of hail hammering against the edge of the open window. The tense aura of the room drove a shiver down its occupants' spine as silence suffocated the rapidly deteriorating harmony of the conversation. The once perpetually blithe Arizona spoke with forced calmness, unable to hold her tongue any longer.

"_We'll take care of the baby... together... we'll love him really well..." _Arizona repeated the words spoken just this afternoon by Callie as she stared firmly into the solid brown eyes of her girlfriend. "That's what you said. We'll take care of the baby. That's what you said Calliope. I heard it."

"_Oh_ _come on_ Arizona! He's a good man, he needed help. He's my best friend!" Callie striked back in defence, sensing the implication behind Arizona's words.

"Yeah! Yeah, Fine! I know! I know he's your best friend but there's a difference between being _there_ for your best friend and _OFFERING_ to take care of a child with someone!" Arizona blazes, her serenity no longer lingering on her detached expression as her voice quivered and became increasingly strained.

Callie let her jaw drop in shock at how sharp of a turn the conversation had taken within seconds. "_OH. _So now you're going to _CONDEMN_ me for helping my best friend!? IT'S MARK ARIZONA. IT'S_ MARK_. He needed my help and that's all it was. He's just my best..."

"_Friend_. Your _BEST FRIEND_ who sees you changing in the hall. Your _BEST FRIEND_ who used to sleep with you. Your _BEST FRIEND_ who _just _found it _ABSOLUTELY NECESSSARY _to_ rub_ your body all over when you had the chicken pox. Your_ BEST FRIEND_ who you spend hours upon _HOURS_ talking on the phone with and your _BEST FRIEND_ who sleeps in our bed _**REGULARLY**_ now and your _BEST FRIEND_ who you have now decided to raise a _**CHILD**_ with." Arizona yelled with fury etched into her creased dimples as she stared at Callie with a hardened expression.

Arizona had been lenient. She had pushed her boundaries time and time again to accommodate Mark's growing presence in her life. She had been patient for his invasion to pass. But this was too much.

Callie took a deep breath before resuming the argument with a more tolerant sigh, "Ok. The child thing isn't even happening." She explained in hopes of toning down the hostility of the atmosphere before continuing, "It's not even an issue anymore! Sloans gone and..."

"What if she hadn't left? You didn't know she was going to leave, you didn't_ know_ and you _still _offered to raise a _**CHILD**_ with him." Arizona attacked with nothing but animosity in her contorted voice as she jabbed her finger pointedly onto the kitchen countertop. She paused as she examined the returning expression on Callie's face before continuing with a cold whisper, " You didn't know and you still agreed." A shimmer of sadness flickered fleetingly across Arizona's brilliant blue eyes before it fogged over with determined aggravation. " I ... I can't do this. I can't do this anymore..I..." Arizona stammered as her pager beeped with 911 flashing across the black and white LED screen. Within a second she'd already begun striding towards the door with a mix of fury and finality, her eyes cold with tears of frustration welled up.

"OH. SO you're just going to leave?! It's JUST Mark Arizona. It's _JUST _Mark!" Callie hollered fruitlessly as Arizona slammed the door to her heated defence. At the abrupt end to their first serious fight, Callie slumped down and ensconced herself onto the couch whispering the plea "_It's just...Mark_..."

Callie was left with nothing but her own silently growing distraught and the hollowness of her apartment. A wintry breeze danced onto her cheeks from her window still ajar but was swallowed instantly by the numbing sensation of her beating heart.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: Because of You I'm Breaking [Chapter 2]**

**Author: **JCapzona  
**  
Rating:** NC-17  
**  
Pairing:** Callie/Arizona  
**  
Disclaimer: **All television shows and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings ext. are the properties of their respective owners. This work is non-profit and simply written for fun. Reference to persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be factual.  
**  
Summary:** Callie tries to apologize to Arizona only to realize that the problem is much more prominent than she had originally considered it to be.

"Uhhh...Callie? I don't want to disturb your Roller-Skate-Girl-Pining-Depression-Emo-I-Can-Never-Get-Some-Time but the rent is due, I'm hungry and the refrigerator is empty except for these mac and cheese microwavable kits which look like some rat had nasty nasty on them." Cristina said with platitudinous disgust as I sit staring into my bowl of cereal. I looked at the back of my silver spoon now littered with bits of mashed cereal and saw the reflection of my reddened eyes. Great. Now not only was my love life in need of repair but so was my complexion. I tossed the box of cereal towards Cristina with a grunt, accidentally spilling some out of the sides as the box fell forwards and spilt out on the countertop of the kitchen.

"I don't want cereal. Cereal is for the weak. I get to scrub in on a pulmonary-bypass surgery today. I don't want my mind to be filled with sugar-loaded wheat crap. I'm going to Owens." Cristina candidly criticizes my breakfast choice as she grabs her coat and heads out the door. Turning around as she turns the knob Cristina seemed to hesitate before suggesting "Just talk to her. McRainbows-and-Sunshine will hear you out. You didn't screw up _too _badly this time."

I look at Cristina thoughtfully, she wasn't one to give relationship advice unless prodded for it.

Just as I start to reconsider her personality of being emotionally dead she solves my riddle by adding "Besides, if she's happier she'll be less cruel to me and maybe not make me go pudding hunting for stupid little sick kids as I am on her service tomorrow. "

There she is. There's the Cristina I know.

The scalpel-hungry roommate I've come to know and appreciate with her cold humour and cynical approach to life. With that, she heads out clicking the door shut as I find myself alone in my apartment yet again.

* * *

It felt hollow to drive to Seattle Grace Mercy West without Arizona beside me in the front seat of the car. Without her cute dimples (so often utilized that they were there whether she was smiling or not) distracting me from the road I had only my tedious thoughts to do so. I _really _shouldn't have offered to take care of a baby with Mark. It IS a big step. I don't know what came over me when I had blurted it out in front of the two Sloans. I hope Arizona will take the excuse of "I had a momentary lapse in judgement" like the time I thought it would be cute to dress up as a Prune for Halloween. Or I could go with a plea of insanity. But with Arizona's anger, even that might not cut it.

It had only been ten hours since I last saw her blond hair which she now straightened regularly just because I made a comment about how china dolls with curls freak me out when we were walking past the thrift store last week. What she didn't realize was that everything was an exception on her. Her perky sunshine and rainbows personality which I normally avoid in people had easily become one of my favourite things about her. Those stupid "wheelie sneaks" that make everyone else in the adult world look like morons look cute and adorable on her especially when she's skating around the hospital halls. I've even come to love the clicking of her shoes that accompanies her launch offs. Yes. She was an exception. On Arizona, everything became an aphrodisiac for me.

* * *

The first thing I did was check the cafeteria. She wasn't there. I then proceeded to stalk the halls of the paediatrics wing, pretending to look for a particular intern as a cover-up for my repeated intrusion on several rooms without any reason at all. Without any reason that I could offer to the stunned looking parents of sick children anyway. "Oops sorry... Excuse me...I uhh, yeah sorry..." I found myself clumsily excusing my presence out of many rooms.

I never felt such a longing in my life. I yearned to see Arizona, to see her dimples, her personal pink unicorn aura that made her glow. Every time I saw a blond head of hair my heart leapt as I crossed my fingers, hoping that the owner of such hair was Arizona-but each time led to a greater disappointment. The greatest of which was when I saw Lexie. She really shouldn't have gone blonde. Mark might be a hypocrite manwhore but he's right about Lexie. She can't pull off the blond.

Just as I was pouting at my unluckiness and wondering if all those years of finding Waldo actually enhanced my people searching skills I saw Arizona down the hall of the ER. It was a slow day so there weren't many people between us. Was it just me or did Arizona look ESPECIALLY gorgeous today? I felt my heart flutter at the sight of the woman I wanted to just wrap my arms around and kiss perpetually. Our eyes locked momentarily and she immediately made a clearly unplanned turn into the elevator she just passed. Her hair was back to its natural curls.

I booked it down towards the elevator accidentally pushing Cristina's minion #3 out of the way and into the wall "SORRYYYY!!" I yell as I refocus on the swiftly closing silver doors. Just as they were about to come into contact I shoved my hand in there and they bounced back with a groan. Arizona was alone in the elevator and staring fixedly in front of her. It felt awkward not to be welcomed by the lighting up of her blue eyes. She was mad. Really mad.

I entered the elevator nonchalantly, or as nonchalantly as someone could after huffing and puffing and shoving their arm unceremoniously between thick metal doors (which by the way hurts more than it looks).

"Arizona...?" I cautiously test the waters as the elevator buzzed into life. No answer. I felt a stabbing pain in my chest as I realized how I had taken her heart-melting smile, her lop-sided dimple, her cheery grin all for granted. There was nothing but cold determination in her stoic facade. "Arizona, look, Mark and I are _JUST _friends. I said I would help raise the baby cause he can't do it alone and because Sloan Jr wanted a _family.._." I rolled my eyes because any request made by a teenager of her intelligence should be taken with a grain of salt. "...So since Mark and I are _practically _family I stepped in!" I blew up my excuse in one breath. Wrong move. Arizona distinctly bristled at the word _family._

Her normally bright eyes were condescend by her crushing eyebrows. "So he's family and I'm not? So you're saying it would be _okay _for him to move in with his wobbly crib and man-whore ideals so you guys can have a nice life as man-whore, just-a-friend-mummy and ex-grandson baby!?" Arizona was raging now, I could see it in her eyes which had no tinkle in them but the fire of a deep-rooted anger; an anger suppressed too much to be controlled.

"Arizona, no! You're my family now. _YOU'RE_ my family! Mark is like my cousin-trice-removed. You're like..." I didn't want to say mom cause you know.... "you're like...my sister! But better than Aria who is sooooo _UNBELIEVABLY_ annoying sometimes and..." I yell desperately as I see the elevator drop closer and closer her destination.

I was digging my own grave but I knew I had to stop her from leaving the elevator. I stepped in front of Arizona, blocking her path out of the doors and stretching my arms our to create a fence in front of the metal doors. Arizona raised her eyebrow in an icy evaluation of my action.

"Dr. Torres..." I flinched as she addressed me with such solemn formality. Her tone was frighteningly low and un-perky. "Dr. Torres... move out of my way." My feet were like cement, both from fear of the situation I had unwisely sunk in and from my desire to keep her in my presence as long as I could. She continued in forced calmness. "You do not get to barricade me into an elevator of lies and absurd reasoning because all those things you just said, all those excuses you blurted out about family and cousins and whatever? That just shows me how much you consider Mark your family over me when I have BEEN there for you _CRISIS AFTER CRISIS AFTER CRISIS_! I have BEEN there for you _EVERY SINGLE TIME._..but now? Right this moment!? You consider Mark to be your family and not me. I...." Arizona opened her mouth gaping at words that were coming with great difficulty as she shrugged her shoulders in frustration before continuing... "I... don't get you. I mean, we don't even LIVE in the same apartment and you haven't ever even _MENTIONED _the topic of moving in together even though I spend all my nights there! And we've been dating for almost a YEAR! And I wanted to take it slow, I wanted us to last and I never took offense to it because I thought maybe you were just one of those people who can't jump to big steps like that! Big steps of commitment, big steps of attachment, big steps of loving someone and making them _family_!" She breathed deeply after letting out such a long string of emotions and looked up with ferociousness that could kill but also a tint of sadness etched in her watery glaze.

"But maybe...those giant steps...those giant steps I thought you innately weren't ready to leap on? Only apply to non-family. Only...only apply to me." Arizona whispered... looking down as I saw a trail of water trickle from her eyes to the bump of her permanent dimple on her cheek. With that, the elevator came to a thud and opened up to the ground floor of the hospital. Arizona rushed past my limply outstretched arms and I stood frozen as I heard the clicking of her wheelie sneaks exit the glass sliding doors and into the inscrutable darkness of the night.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: Because of You I'm Breaking [Chapter 3]  
**  
**Author: **JCapzona  
**  
Rating:** NC-17  
**  
Pairing:** Callie/Arizona  
**  
Disclaimer: **All television shows and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings ext. are the properties of their respective owners. This work is non-profit and simply written for fun. Reference to persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be factual. 

**Summary:** Callie is more alone than ever before as she finds herself without a shoulder to cry on.

Callie whipped out her cell phone instantaneously the moment she felt its soft vibration from within her pocket. Her anxiety made the usually breezy task of unlocking her phone triple in difficulty but her endeavour went unrewarded as she came to the realization that it was all in her head- a fact that she had to succumb to when her cell phone displayed the words "No new messages" (as it had the last time she checked thirty seconds ago). No word from Arizona or Mark. She had lost her best friend and girlfriend all in one day, all from one decision, one poorly, _POORLY _blurted out decision.

The last time Callie saw Mark she had been tortuously dismantling the remains of the beautiful mahogany crib that he had set up for his grandson, or son, or ... whatever. The look of complete agony on Mark's face when Callie painfully voiced out the details of Sloan Sloan's departure was heartbreaking. She had never seen Mark's features look so ... fragile, so delicate, so crestfallen, so un-man-whore-like... so broken. Callie thought she would be his comfort, be the shoulder for him to cry on since Lexie was MIA in their relationship, but she had been wrong. Mark's response to Callie was unexpected, just like her fight with Arizona...

* * *

"_I don't believe you. You don't have to do that." Mark laughed as he strutted into his apartment and saw Callie with his crib._

"I wanted to before you got home..." Callie began, unsure of how to proceed with the inevitable awkwardness of their current situation looming before her. Mark obviously thought she was fixing the wobbliness of the crib, making it better. She wasn't. 

"_You don't have to do what you offered to do. I'm not going to hold you to that..." Mark began, feeling a lump in his throat as he realized how truly great of a best friend he had. Callie was always there for him, when Derek left, when Addison ran off, Callie came into his life and stood by him._

"_Mark..." Callie whispered, interrupting his toast to her kindness. She felt as if someone had just dropped a boulder on her shoulders, the crushing sense of guilt dominated her features._

"_Thank you __**so much**__ for offering, and uh... It'll be kinda great right?" Mark whispered with a grateful smile, unable to control his usual manly appearance anymore. At the sight of Callie's pleading eyes, he grew dubious of her intentions with the crib..."what are you doing?" _

"_Sit down" Callie whispered. _

"_What....what's up Torres? Where's Sloan?" A look of despondency flooded Mark's eyes as he yearned to receive the answer that wasn't already contaminating his newly-sutured heart. Mark didn't open up to people, he preferred to have a social barrier enforced by his sardonic comments, but this time his fortress had fallen to allow the entry of his daughter and he was thankful for his moment of weakness because he loved her with all his heart. _

_Callie gulped. Not knowing how to break to him the news of the departure. Because it was more than just Sloan leaving, it was more than just the prospect of a baby leaving, they were taking a part of Mark that he had spent so long recovering. _

"_Sloan's...gone. She left. She wanted a clean break, she needed to go... and ..." Callie couldn't finish her words as she looked towards the man she once labelled to be so strong, so impenetrable. In front of her now stood the wispy remains of a crumbling McSteamy. _

"_I ...don't understand, how could she just leave? She doesn't have anyone, she has no home to go to, she has no means of going anywhere, she doesn't even have money to buy her __**own lunch**__ for god's sake!" Mark reasoned to himself as he stood there, trying to connect the dots to this nightmarish situation Callie felt her gut hollow out. She was hoping her aid in Sloan's departure wouldn't be brought up... not right this moment anyways. But she couldn't lie; she couldn't do that to Mark, to her best friend who had always been there for her time after time when she needed a shoulder to cry on._

"_I...uh...I gave her some money... so she could, do what she needed to." Callie whispered, tip-toeing around this inscrutable land of honesty. Mark shot up a piercing glare at her. It was cold and acrimonious and filled with animosity and blame and disgust. _

"_You __**GAVE**__ her money!?..." he whispered in a hoarse accusatory tone that held none of his emotions back. "I...don't believe this...you wanted to raise the child with me... you wanted to __**HELP**__ me...you wanted to __**BE THERE **__for me and I thought maybe it was... maybe because ... I can't believe this. You're supposed to be my __**BEST FRIEND**__! I..." Mark was shaking in a mosaic of rage and disbelief. A crushing feeling choked the breath out of my voice..._

"_Mark...__**please**__..." Callie pleaded as he headed towards the door. Why do people keep walking away from her? First Arizona and now Mark?! She swore under my breath. "Mark...listen...please..."_

"You need to go." He responded firmly. It wasn't a request. He held the door open and averted his eyes from meeting the waterworks spewing out of Callie's remorseful brown eyes.

* * *

I looked at my cell phone. Maybe there was no reception in this particular on-call room. I wouldn't know. Every time I've been in the on-call room it was for non-cellular reasons. Frustration welled up in my eyes as I furrowed my eyebrows and pushed my index finger up in-between them.

We never realize how lonely we are until we have no one to share this realization with. Sitting in the empty on-call room with my scrubs dangling off my body, I felt so helpless, so empty, so broken. I switched on my cell phone and strolled down my long list of contacts. So many names of people I would never call to talk to on a personal level. Cristina was in surgery and apart from her and Mark, I had nobody. My contact list flickered as I went through the names in a speed which made each more undecipherable than the next, I took a breath and randomly stopped. I let out a weak chuckle as I felt a tear roll down my cheek and dampen my dark blue scrubs. "Arizona" was the name I had just haphazardly landed on. Fate's mockery of my life was sickening.

After wallowing in sadness for two hours my pager went off. I was thankful for a distraction away from my thoughts of Arizona and the baby and the whole argument and Mark and all that was wrong in my life. I felt like someone poured WD-40 down my throat after crying for two solid hours. I hastily mopped up face and wondered if my mascara was waterproof, judging by the blackness now smeared on my arms I thought "nope". Whatever. Not like I had anyone to impress anyways. I unlocked the on-call room door and turned the chilling silver knob to enter into the hall of the paediatrics wing.

My heart clenched. There in front of me by the nurse's counter was Arizona. While I probably looked like a drunken Bouffon with my smeared makeup and reddened face, Arizona looked more angelic and gorgeous than ever. Her demeanour these last couple of days after our conversation in the elevator had been perky as usual, smiling sweetly to her patients and talking animatedly with all her co-workers. If you didn't know her well you wouldn't think we had a fight. But I alone saw through her facade, her smile that never quite touched her eyes, her wheelie sneaks that never clicked out anymore, her aura dampened to subtle positivity, her fake cheery voice that she used to cover up her anger and disappointment in me, in my lack of consideration for her feelings.

When you truly care about someone, when you truly love them, knowing their disappointment in you hurts more than anger or any other emotion. When they're angry at you, you hurt yourself. But when they're genuinely crestfallen, when they're disappointed in you, they're hurting themselves, which in turn hurts you more than anything in the world. This realization has been crushing my heart for the last few days as I watched Arizona ignore me in the halls, averting her eyes whenever we were in sight of one another.

As I watched Arizona with her blond curls draped nonchalantly over the sides of her lopsided dimple, I felt a lump in my throat as I held back tears of regret. Before I could swallow this lump of guilt, I saw a woman with brown hair approach her. The woman was carrying a worn out camping bag that tugged at the edges with frays and signs of use. Her long hazel brown hair was elegantly straightened with a natural grace and her eyes did a pirouette of exuberance when she saw Arizona who stood facing her charts and muttering with a frown prominent on her face. The woman approaching her was ... and I hate to admit it, strikingly attractive. She had that air of rare beauty that comes from minimal effort, as if being beautiful and breathtaking was innate.

My stomach tied itself in a knot as I watched her jump playfully on the back of Arizona after having snuck up on her with a crooked grin. Ooh. Arizona hates that. This girl, whoever she was, mustn't know Arizona Robbins very well. I was momentarily pleased with this discovery.

I remember Arizona telling me off when I snuck up on her like that once, it was my attempt to mock her spontaneity which was immediately squandered by Arizona's cries of "CALLIOPE! Don't ...do that..don't ever do that. Please. Don't sneak up on me like that." She had warned me with seriousness etched into her surprising frown as I pouted my lips at her aberration. I guess if Mark and Arizona can agree on one thing it's that surprises are hostile.

Keeping to the tone of surprises in my life this week, Arizona flashed a wide grin even _AFTER _having been jumped on. I froze. It was a genuine smile that whirled her eyes in a brilliant sparkle. It was her first legitimate smile since our fight.

Wow. Who was this woman?

I watched in rigidness as the she kissed Arizona on her dimple before hugging her like a giant teddy bear. I watched as jealousy crept into my clenched jaw as she rubbed Arizona's back slowly during their _VERY_ UNNECESSARILY LONG bear hug. That was uncalled for. Soooo uncalled for.

I spent the next couple minutes trying to summon up the strength to tell this trampy backpacker girl to stop swiping my girlfriend like a credit card. Fearing Arizona's response if I went along with this comment, I hesitated. Just then, Arizona finally broke from her hug and opened her eyes before putting her hands on the shoulders of backpacker girland the smile disappeared from her face as the brunette talked. She had dimples too. I didn't like them. They were so in your face. They were so "look at me I'm so gorgeous and I'm not even trying!". They were not subtle like Arizona's.

I watched as Arizona frowned and hugged the backpacker girl again. God. What is with all the _HUGS!? _You'd think it was some sort of holiday. Arizona slipped her hand between the backpacker and her backpack as wrapped her arm around the brunette's waist caringly. Arizona directed her towards the glass doors of the hospital and out into the sunny afternoon parking lot of Seattle Grace Mercy West. I felt my heart throbbing against my chest as bursts of burning questions held a fountain show in my mind.

* * *

Around 6pm, I found myself in my Jeep outside Arizona's apartment. She had taken a personal day off from work after having her encounter with backpacker girl. I was itching with envy and questions as I drummed my fingers against the steering wheel. I begrudgingly grabbed the rainbow keychain with Arizona's key that she had given me and walked towards her apartment.

Walking to her apartment always gave me butterflies in my stomach from the excitement of knowing that I was about to see Arizona without the worries of having Cristina walk in on us. But today, the dragonflies that buzzed in my gut weren't from excitement. It was from the dread of knowingly entering the arena of round 2 in the Arizona confrontations series.

I quietly knocked on the door. No answer. I felt my heart creak as I slid my key into the lock and turned, watching the rainbow keychain dance Arizona-like as I entered the warm scented hall of the apartment I so rarely visited. Arizona always came over to my place since I live so close to the hospital. We only ever came here when Cristina and Owen were having their slumber parties at our apartment. I looked around at the familiar hallway covered with children's drawings, some with huge hearts and unicorns, one most prominent amongst the barrage of drawings was a yellow butterfly with the words "Dr. Robbins is pretty like butterflies" on it. I drank in the aroma of the hallway, it was sweet and mesmerizing like the smell of Arizona's natural body scent. However, it was also mixed in with a tinge of something pungent and foul smelling today. Like the bathroom floor of Joes. I moved towards her bedroom calling the name that flowed with familiarity on my tongue "Arizona...?"

No answer.

I cringed in the silence as I pushed the door gently open. I felt myself petrified at the sight of clothes on the floor. It was as if someone had dumped a small fortune of t-shirts and jeans and rolled around in it, hoping to make a snow angel from these articles of clothing. I looked at my girl friend sleeping on the bed holding the backpacker in her arms. The gorgeous, stunning backpacker with only a bra on snuggled in her sleep, snuggled against my girl friend. Arizona had locked her arms protectively around the backpacker's waist and had her chin pressed on top of the brunette's hair, comforting her with her warmth. They were both under the covers and Arizona had a tank top on. It wasn't the one she wore to work this morning.

I backed away in pain as the air was vacuumed out of my lungs from the image before me. I backed into the door as I heard a small "thud." Arizona's eyes popped open instantaneously and she blinked incoherently before hearing me hyperventilate at the doorway. My feet had become jelly and I was shocked that I was still standing. Her eyes widened as her mouth opened wordlessly.

"Calliope..." she whispered as she struggled to free herself from the weight of the backpacker. I watched as she tenderly manoeuvred around the sleeping brunette, in a fashion that seemed to expel the fact that this was not the first time she had wrapped this girl in her arms. Arizona was good at it too, within a second she had gotten out of bed without the brunette stirring. I didn't know if I was supposed to be impressed or fearful of her familiarity with the brunette's body. I backed away as I ran towards her apartment door, wrenching it open and sprinting away from the lurid images that had jumped onto me moments ago. I heard the pained pleading sound of Arizona's voice "Calliope! Wait...Please..." the words stung me like the brisk coldness of the night.


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: Because of You I'm Breaking [Chapter 4]  
**  
**Author: **JCapzona  
**  
Rating:** NC-17  
**  
Pairing:** Callie/Arizona  
**  
Disclaimer: **All television shows and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings ext. are the properties of their respective owners. This work is non-profit and simply written for fun. Reference to persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be factual.  
**  
Summary:** Callie deals with the emotional damage she received from seeing Arizona with backpacker girl in the worst way possible. (I promise to have more answers next chapter, to Arizona fans: the next chapter will be from her perspective!)

_**Callie's voiceover: **As surgeons, we're trained to recognize the symptoms of shock. We're trained to distinguish the potential dangers that are associated with the restlessness of the patient, the paling of the skin, the clammy feeling upon contact. As surgeons we thrive in the ER upon our unparalleled ability to identify the shallow breathing, the gasping for air and the feelings of confusion and anxiety and decipher their medical meanings. _

_We know to reassure the patient, monitor their condition and place them in the best position to stabilize their body, to pull them out of shock. Yet through all that preparation, through all those hours of medical training, the thing we never learn? Is how to pull ourselves out of shock. How to reassure ourselves when we become the patients, when we're the ones that need saving._

"Dr. Torres? ...Dr. Torres!...DR. TORRES!" Bailey's impatience with my inattention to her consult was evident in the escalating anger in her tone.

"Huh? Oh...sorry. I mean, uh...yeah I'll get those scans right away and maybe we can figure out how to take the most minimally invasive route to fix this kid's hip." I cough as I straighten myself from my dazed thoughts. 

I hadn't cried from what I saw last night. I hadn't crawled under the covers of my bed and bawled like a newborn. Because Arizona was right. I _am _a newborn. And I'm not entirely ready to deal with what I saw.

Instead, I simply drove home and went to sleep. It was a strange feeling, to be devoid of emotions, it was a puzzling floating sensation, to talk to others without allowing myself room for emotion. I knew it was unhealthy. I felt like an inflated balloon held shut with the pinching of two fingers, waiting to feel my emotional release but pent up all the while waiting for that unknowable feeling. I hadn't cried because I hadn't allowed myself to think about the image of Arizona burned in the back of my head. The image of her in bed with the sexy backpacker girl. No, I can't... I can't think about it... I just...can't.

Bailey pierced me with her trademark squinted eyes as she evaluated my conflicted facade of which I had desperately and unsuccessfully wanted to mask with a nonchalant grin. Apparently, my dilemma face is also my lusty face (at least to Bailey) because after a moment or so she seemed to hesitate before saying, "I don't know what you and Dr. Robbins are up to but if you're going to ask for my consult on this boy then you should put aside your **MCNASTY** thoughts and concentrate on this boy because he is **DYING** and he doesn't have time for **YOU**, his **DOCTOR**, to be **DISTRACTED** and thinking about **YOU KNOW WHAT**in the on-call room because the last time _I _checked, this is a hospital and not a _SLEEZY _**MOTEL**!" Bailey glared at me as I opened my mouth in confusion before pushing one eyebrow down in a questioning look.

"Uhhh...what are you talking about? What on-call room?" I wondered aloud, not knowing where she was picking up her ludicrous insinuations from.

Bailey turned to look at me, evidently furious with my refusal to crumble under her pointed accusations. "I do not want to **DISCUSS **tales of your **MCNASTY **with Dr. Robbins because I am a **DOCTOR **and I don't do the OMG girl talk, but what I **CAN **say is that I saw Dr. Robbins coming out of the on-call room with her hair dishevelled and looking guilty the day she called in on a personal leave. Now I'm not even going to **BEGIN **to discuss the lack of professionalism in calling a personal leave day to do **MCNASTY **and **WHETHER **or not it had to do with **YOU **also being in the room I did not check, but as you are her **GIRLFRIEND **I think it would be **SAFE **to assume that if I **HAD **gone into the on-call room I would find you in a much less presentable state than you are now." Bailey concluded with sadistic triumph, knowing she had won her case.

With that, she trotted down the hall imperiously. I stood there, frozen in shock. I hadn't been in the on-call room since I had the chicken pox two weeks ago.

* * *

That whole morning I felt like the walking dead, I smiled, I laughed at appropriate pauses and gave agreeable nods every now and then but nothing went through to me. It was like I was the puppet master to my limp body that would do as I say but not feel anything that was surging through my sub-consciousness. 

"For the last time Cristina, we don't want to hear your scalpel-hungry victories when we're eating lunch! I get that you're feeling super rock star about this whole being with a cardio-god again but we've heard this story so many times it's frankly getting annoying." Alex shouted with exasperation through his sandwich filled mouth. We were sitting around the cafeteria table, the one social culture we abided to in being a Seattle Grace Mercy West surgeon was to eat lunch together whenever there wasn't an emergency trauma.

"Uhhh I haven't talked about THIS story and if you don't want to hear it the intern table led my #3 over there is always open to _peds_ residents like yourself." Cristina retorted back smugly, she still hadn't gotten over making fun of Alex for his consideration of going into peds. "Pretty soon you and rollerskate girl will be holding hands and handing out pudding while skating down the hallways. I wonder if you'll have a rainbow scrub cap or a unicorn one?" Cristina laughed as she visualized the combination by making a box shape with her fingers and angling it on Alex's hair with one of her eyes closed.

Just then, Arizona entered the cafeteria hall and she started striding purposely in my direction. Clumsily I knocked my thighs onto the table before tripping on the chair as I booked it out of the place. I felt a rush of relief as I exited the doors only to notice the tray of lunch still gripped unnecessarily firmly in my hands. I was shaking. I groaned before turning around and dropping it down on the outermost edge of the cafeteria. Just as I was turning to exit yet again, I bumped into Arizona (who had her arms crossed on her hips) making her drop her own tray onto the ground. She only had an apple on it, which rolled to the far side of the cafeteria. I watched it roll as I saw her piercing gaze stab me firmly from the corner of my eyes. She had a fierce determination set in her fiery blue eyes.

"Calliope. We need to talk about what you saw last night." She stated firmly, looking me with hardened blue orbs. "You've been avoiding me. You've been taking different routes to the hospital. You've been locking the door to your apartment and instructing Cristina not to let me in. You can't run away like this. We need to talk."

Oh, she's one to talk about running away. She's the one who got all huffy about Mark and me and left without staying to chat. I couldn't listen to her speech, for which her eloquence always won her points over. I knew the moment I began to take in her words, I would break down, break down and cry over the anguish I felt from walking into her and backpacker girl last night. I would break down in front of everyone in the hospital cafeteria.

"I uhh... can't talk. I just got a page. It's 911." I lied. I was a poor liar and Arizona saw through this one immediately. She refused to move out of my way.

"It's as peaceful as hell down there and I can tell you right now, they don't need the best ortho attending down there pretending to work like she has been for the entire day."Arizona stated with her jaws clenched. She was not backing down. She seized my silence as a grant to begin her explanation "Her name is _Joanne_..." Arizona deliberately paused as if to contemplate how to continue. Was it just me, or was there a flicker of sadness in her eyes when she said her name? Almost like a blur of hurt whirling past her firm glare. It was fleeting, but I was sure there had sorrow reflected in her brilliant blue eyes. She took a moment to regain her purposeful speech... "_the _Joanne I told you about when your dad came in with the priest to make you straight. She was..." 

"Your first." I responded automatically, still averting my eyes from her gaze. The puzzle finally made sense. Finally. It explained the hugging, the close contact, and the familiarity of the bodies in...bed. I couldn't do this. I couldn't think about Joanne. It would trigger everything. I felt tears welling in my eyes as I thought about Arizona's disloyalty. I thought we were more than that. She was the last person I would think to cheat on me. But then again, so was George.

A million jolts of confusion sporadically flew into my brain as I thought back to what she had said about Joanne. About how she was her first. About how she had brought her home to her parents. Yes. It was serious. Even then, it had been serious. Callie hadn't even met Arizona's parents herself. Callie couldn't stop remembering how hot Joanne was, even in her scruffy backpacker look which somehow only amplified her attractiveness. She remembered how Arizona had dated Julie at Joe's. Yes, Arizona had a hot track record of dating the beauties. Callie thought back to what Arizona had screamed in ER _"Because I am HOT ...and there are people LINING up for me!"_ Callie hadn't realized how long of a line there had been.

"Bailey saw you leave the on-call room yesterday...all dishevelled and stuff...after...after you called in for the personal day off... after you hugged backpacker girl." I couldn't bring myself to look at Arizona's eyes until now. She had straightened her hair today. Her efforts to please me just made me estimate her to be even more guilty of her crimes.

Arizona opened her mouth slightly, surprise evident in her eyes. She hadn't realized that I would know this fact, let alone bring it up in the conversation. Momentarily stunned, she stood there wordlessly. She sensed my fear at her silence and pressed her hand against mine, I flinched and stepped back from her.

I couldn't contain my tears anymore, I ran out past Arizona and went to the same on-call room we had been in before my chicken pox break out. Arizona tried to follow me but my fear of both being seen by her and seeing her made me sprint faster than ever before. I entered the empty on-call room as I visualized the two of us. She had said I was "hot" at the time, I wonder if she meant it beyond its literal meaning. Because backpacker girl, Joanne was clearly hotter, there was no escaping that fact.

I furrowed my face in my hands as I felt my tears puddle in my cupped hands. I couldn't stop them if I tried. I thought about Arizona, about how much I love her. About how different she was to me. About the "dirty bar bathroom kiss". I hate her so much for making me love her. I hate her dimples for being so irresistibly innocent and sexy at the same time. I hate how irrevocably I have fallen for her. I hate how much it hurts right now to know that my insane love for her was unrequited. I felt my hands wrap around the heart-shaped necklace still around my neck. I ripped it off and threw it at the door as I felt my tears surge down my dampened blue scrubs.

Just as the necklace crashed to the ground the door opened. I looked up expecting to see the brilliant blue eyes pleading for me to forgive her, explaining her disloyalty, attempting to relieve me of my hurt with words that were obsolete to me. Instead, I found the eyes of Mark looking surprised and then stoic at my tears. He paused awkwardly before closing the door.

"Oh, what?! So now you're going to leave too!?" I yelled. Unable to control the frustration in my voice as I reflected on the crumbling remains of my life. "She cheated on me Mark. She...slept with Joanne...and she's _hotter_ and _sexier_ than me and I ... I don't know what to do... I ...I just don't know what to do..." I whispered the final words before burying my face in my palms, pooling my features in uncontrollable tears.

I felt Mark freeze from closing the door and the next thing I know, he's embracing me in a hug. "I don't care what anybody does or says Torres. You are one sexy, SEXY surgeon in scrubs. If blondie still doesn't realize how lucky she is to get under those hot scrubs of yours, then she's quite possibly more delirious than I have identified her to be." Mark stroked my hair as I felt myself melt into his chest, splotching his dry blue scrubs. He had his hands wrapped around my waist with reassuring pressure holding me close to him. It felt so good to be in his arms, I felt like I wasn't alone, I felt like I was loved, I felt like everything was going to be okay. I felt safe from my troubles, safe from the burning image of backpacker girl and Arizona, I felt safe.

"I'm sorry Mark. I'm sorry I let Sloan go." I whispered through quiet sobs as I muffled my face onto his strong chest. He stopped stroking my head and forced me to look at him.

"Callie. Don't be sorry. _I'M _the one who should say sorry. I was really upset. Not just because Sloan was leaving, I was upset because... well..." Mark hesitated, looking flushed. I felt his heartbeat increase rapidly beneath me. "I was disappointed...I thought we could be more than... more than what we are now...since you offered to take a baby in with me...I was hoping, well I know it was stupid and moronic, but I was hoping that we could be more than just friends."

I stopped leaning against him and pulled away gently. "Mark..." I whispered, not knowing how to react to his sudden confession. We had slept together before, yes. But, it was never anything other than physical, it was just sex. Nothing more. But since then he has been there time and time again, he has been more than a friend with benefits, he has been my friend. My _BEST_ friend.

"Callie. I know how this sounds okay. I know it's weird but I realized how much you meant to me when I got so excited at the thought of raising the baby with you. I was sooo looking forward to taking that step and you have taken up all the responsibility in the world for me. I ... can't begin to explain how much I want us to work. How much it hurts me when I see your tears. How many times I feel a burning lump in my throat whenever you kiss blondie. How much you mean to me. How much... I love you." Mark whispered with emotion bursting from his crystal grey eyes. He leaned into my lips as I felt our proximity closing to mere centimetres. I felt my heart racing as he wrapped his arms around my body, cradling my broken soul with his soothing strength. I closed my eyes as I felt his lips push onto mine. I felt the weight of my confusion, my pain, my suffering collapse from my heart at the kiss. I felt his tongue enter my opening lips as I wrapped my arms around his neck, pushing myself onto him more. Our kiss escalated in passion as he pushed me down onto the bed of the on-call room, all the while pressing his lips firmly onto mine. His lips were so rough in comparison to Arizona's soft supple ones. Arizona... the thought of her made me crave the savageness of Mark's kiss. I deepened my kiss as I felt him climb onto me, pulling off the top of his scrubs and kissing me even more fiercely than before. The pain that came from the thought of Arizona and the backpacker made me appreciate the difference of the kiss. Appreciate that he was not Arizona, not the one who hurt me so deep that I could barely breathe now. The contrast made me feel comforted and relieved me from my pain of Arizona's betrayal. I pulled off my own scrub top and tossed it to the ground as I pressed my body firmly onto him, entangling our tongues as we continued the heart-stopping kiss. I felt my woes fall away with every second our lips locked, every minute our heat entwined our bodies together.

In the midst of our passion I heard a sob at the open doorway. I opened my eyes only to discover Arizona at the open door of the on-call room. I immediately broke away from Mark and shifted up instantaneously, looking for my scrub top. Arizona was standing on it with her eyes glazed with tears, fogging up her brilliant blue eyes. She had her hand on the knob of the door, leaning on it as if it was all that stood between her and collapsing on the ground. Her lips were rolled inwards, as she bit down on her bottom lip, quivering slightly. Her expression of hurt was prevalent in her features as anguish froze her in a state of perpetual shock. Her eyes rested on my topless body which was crushed underneath Mark and I saw a tear trickle down her face and onto the frayed edges of her broken heart.

_***Arizona's voiceover***_ _Sometimes we're able to recognize the symptoms of shock as we go through them. The paling of our skin, the clamminess of our body, the irregular breathing we collapse from. Problem is, we're usually too far gone to do anything to recover. _


	5. Chapter 5

**Title: Because of You I'm Breaking [Chapter 5]  
**  
**Author: **JCapzona  
**  
Rating:** NC-17  
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Pairing:** Callie/Arizona  
**  
Disclaimer: **All television shows and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings ext. are the properties of their respective owners. This work is non-profit and simply written for fun. Reference to persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be factual.  
**  
Summary:** Finally, we can all stop hating on Arizona. Because she is right. And because she's AWESOME.

**Author's Note: **So sorry for making you guys wait so long on this one. I read fan fic myself so I know how tormenting it is to keep on refreshing everyday in hopes of seeing an update. I've just been swamped with work so I hope you guys enjoy this one! My goal is to make each update longer than the previous~* thanks for the comments too!

_**Arizona's voiceover: **Lies are peculiar things. They are sneaky. They thrive on the danger of being uncovered. They eat up the truth. But what we always underestimate is the ability for our lies to catch up with us. Lies always shrivel with time, and the truth reveals itself despite our best attempts to shade it in the darkness._

I could hear the nurses whisper in the corner as I perched over the counter prepping for my rounds. I was repeatedly striking the back of my wheelie sneak on my right foot while standing firmly rooted to the ground with my other foot. My attempt to concentrate on my charts was obsolete; I stood there with a frown permanently inscribed onto my forehead as I bit down on the top of my pen. I was frustrated. Not because the nurses were talking about me and Calliope, I knew they would know about our fight by now because people at Seattle Grace Mercy West talk. People talk so I know they know. That wasn't a surprise, nor was it the reason to my frustration. I was frustrated because I hadn't been able to concentrate on _ANYTHING_ ever since my fight with Callie. I felt the heart-shaped pendant on my neck and softly rolled the piece of Calliope around with my fingers. I felt a lump on my throat grow as I swallowed hard.

The last couple of days have been hell. Everywhere I go I seem to bump into her in the halls. Everytime I walk past her, I feel her eyes burning a hole in my heart as I avoid her, turn into a random closet, exit the hospital the long way, pretend to be paged and book it down the stairs. I just couldn't talk to her. I can't. Not after what happened.

I've been trying hard to keep up my perky facade, but these last few days I haven't had it in me to smile genuinely, or I haven't had a reason to. My reason and I had a fight. Now I don't smile truthfully. I just put on a mask of happiness and pray that some of it will seep into my reality. Light my dark apartment. Warm my empty bed. Cure my shattered heart.

Every time I see Calliope I want to forgive her. I want to let it all go and just hug her, hold her in my arms. I haven't been sleeping these last couple of days. I just can't seem to sleep in my own bed anymore, I need the warmth of Calliope's body, the comforting contour of her curves against me. I lie in my room, restless and for the first time, I'm not thinking about those dreaded tiny coffins, I'm haunted by my fight with Calliope. I want to forgive her, I want to move past this issue, I want to let her know it's ok, to whisper those three words...but even in my sleep-deprived state I know it would be a lie and I can't lie. I swore to myself that I would never fall back into that murky hole again.

"Calliope...I'm sorry. I can't...I can't lie to you. Arizona Robbins you need to stay strong, you can't run up to Calliope and hold her in your arms... you can't..." I mumble to myself as I strain my eyes over the same lines on my charts, re-reading the same section for the hundredth time. I felt the metal of my pen smear my taste buds as I struggled to focus. It was a lost cause. All I could think about was Calliope. All I could think about was her exasperated laugh, her consoling smile, her awkward yet adorably nervous grin.

I felt my breath sear through my body as I felt the all-too-familiar jump on my back. The pressure she put on my shoulders as she pushed down on it before making that characteristic leap in the air, the slight squeeze of her hands as she clamped onto me, the feeling of her gentle fingers on my body... I didn't have to turn around to see who it was. Only one girl could take away every breath in my body with her trademark spontaneity.

"Zoni!" Joanne screamed into my ear as I turned around, petrified at the confirmation of her reappearance into my life. Joanne stood before me with the cutest smirk in the world. Oh the nights I cried over that smirk, the brazen dimples that had led me astray for so many years, the irreplaceable upturn of her lips that disturbed my memories.

Her smile was reflected onto my face automatically. Of course, it had always been this way. This was _**Joanne**_, her smile was contagious and I was never immune.

No matter how much it hurt to see her, a little part of me was always ecstatic to be in her presence. To see her hazel brown hair flow effortlessly and tantalizingly making her that much more beautiful, the pain was worth it. Before I could even recover from my shock, she had perkily planted a kiss of my cheeks and broke my bones with a warm and playful hug. As her arm caressed my back comfortingly I felt my cheeks burning. Ten years and I still haven't found my immunity to this disease.

I closed my eyes and I couldn't help but to take a deep breath and smell her hair. It was the scent of a roasting fire, of marshmallows floating in hot chocolate. It was Joanne.

I couldn't stop the flood of memories as they seared my brain like a movie replaying by itself. The remote was dead but the images flickered to life. I sighed as I melted in her arms, it was just like our last hug ten years ago, the last time I saw Joanne.

We were best friends. The traditional fairy-tale type of best friends. The ones that grew up in the same neighbourhood and took an instant liking to each other as children. The ones that stayed up nights together playing through slumber parties to study sessions in college. The ones that shared every fear and moment of celebration in their lives with one another. The ones that were inseparable, unbreakable, irreplaceable.

I still remember the time I brought her home to my parents, as my girlfriend. It was my first year in college. My parents didn't take it well at the start but they warmed up to the idea. My mum simply nodded when I explained the situation to her, explained to her that Joanne had become more than just a friend, explained to her that she was _EVERYTHING_ to me. My mum had known and she had accepted it, maybe she had always known. My dad was a different story, we fought and he didn't talk to me for a solid month. Then, one day he just came up to me and asked me "are you still who I raised you to be?" And that was how it happened, how Joanne had broken into my life, had broken into my heart and into my reality.

We dated for four years, and during those four years at Brown University I fell irrevocably in love with her. Her impulsiveness, her alluring attraction to thrills, her natural beauty that shone through every situation. She made me optimistic, cheery, the McAwesome I am today. I started considering the idea that maybe, just maybe, I had found the one.

Joanne didn't feel the same way. She started getting uncomfortable at how serious I had become about our relationship. She didn't want to commit. She wanted to explore, to see the world, to be dangerous and daring. We went separate ways after graduation. I continued on to med school at Berkley and she went on an expedition to travel the world. I still remember the last thing she said to me _"You and I want different things Zoni. You're awesome, you know what you want, but me? I honestly don't. The furthest thing I've planned is what I'm going to do tomorrow but you? You know what you want. And I'm afraid that I'm not going to be able to live up to those expectations."_

I put up a brave face when we broke up. I wanted to keep my connection with Joanne, even if it was just a best friend. I didn't want a clean break. I wanted to be a part of Joanne's life forever.

"Zoni?" Joanne whispered cheerfully as I miraculously snapped out of my memories that I had sunken in. I pulled away from the hug and regained the Joanne-induced smile.

"Joanne....uhh what are you doing here? I mean it's great to see you, but it's just that we haven't talked in like what...ten years!? I don't... I don't know what to say I mean... it's great to see you but I ... how did you even find me here?" I rambled. She had that effect on me. Joanne always made me ramble and I couldn't help but to realize how little ten years had done to her appearance. Ten years which only seemed to amplify her playful glow.

"Zoni! You haven't changed at all, always tediously spewing out unnecessary questions... always fretting over unnecessary things." Joanne giggled at me as if I had just been caught for some random act of tomfoolery. She flipped her hair casually as I took a sharp intake of breath. She was breath-taking. I felt overwhelmed as Joanne continued, "...but yeah I do have to admit, even a supreme explorer like myself had some trouble hunting you down! You're quite the stealthy traveller Zoni! I had to hunt all over Berkley for you! Thankfully I ran into a few names, Katie, Julie, Tania, Elizabeth, _Nadia_...they all had _quite_ a lot to say about you AZ!" I felt my throat clench as she revealed the names of my past. My haunting past. Joanne smirked at the horror in my eyes before continuing, "They gave me an update on your life at Berkley..." Joanne whispered almost seductively before grinning from ear to ear.

I gave her a hardened stare before hugging her swiftly, partly to shut her up before the nurses, who were clearly eavesdropping on the other side of the counter, could add more false climaxes to their wild tale that would soon be scorching Seattle Grace Mercy West like wildfire and partly because I wasn't sure how to respond to her verbally. I shook my head, as I groaned, great. Just what I needed. More rumours. More gossip. More talk.

Escorting her outside the hospital, I whispered "Let's talk outside Joanne" all the while carrying on with my almost drug-induced-looking grin.

* * *

"Aww Zoni, don't worry I didn't give away your contact information to _ALL_ those girls. Although I must say they were quite upset when I mentioned you at the bar. You've got _QUITE_ the line-up of wild fires out at Berkley. They've got enough to start a club of AZ haters! I didn't know you had it in you, you lil player you!" Joanne ridiculed with that awesome grin of hers still evident on her gorgeous face.

I took a deep breath, looking around cautiously before continuing with the conversation. "how did you... find all those girls..." I whispered, trying to keep my tone low as I felt the strain of grave seriousness approaching my features.

"Oh come on ZONI, you're a freakin' **LEGEND** at Berkley, the girls you slept with and ditched the morning after could fill this hospital up with enough to spill over..." Joanne cried out in exasperation, "It wasn't so much as _how_ I managed to hunt them down, it was how I escaped from having to listen to _all_ their gruelling tales of sad desperation of having been ditched by our lil Zoni here." She smirked yet again, pleased with her detective work as she rubbed my back teasingly.

I gulped. I hadn't shared my past with anyone since I moved to Seattle for the position of head of Peds surgery. The position had its perks and the pay was _AWESOME_ but I moved also because I needed a fresh start. I had made, to say the least, quite a few enemies back at Berkley. Of course, Joanne wasn't telling me anything new, I had spent many years Mark Sloaning around, hitting up bars, sorority parties, going around town. It was easy to pull on my charm whenever I met a pretty girl. They always fell for my dimples, my innocent locks of blonde hair, the zesty perkiness of my "Hi!" The same routine got me a line-up of girls, all falling for me irrevocably; none of them ever knowing the true Arizona that hid within. I hid it well. I hid it deep and no one could've guessed that sweet, caring Arizona Robbins could be anything more than a relationship person. I _Sloaned_ around, so to speak, slept in more variety of beds than the hospital could hold. They always found out the next morning though, because I never stayed through the night. I didn't want to become attached. I just wanted fun. I wanted to love, sleep and leave before things got messy. Before things got all emotional and overwhelming. I just wanted fun. I just wanted to be the thrill-seeker for once.

"It's not like that..." I stammered, defending myself against Joanne's accusatory statements. "Listen, Joanne, you've got to go. I can't... have you running around Seattle, with those ...rumours that you've _acquired _from California. I need you to go..." I held my breath as the silence of the afternoon sun shone into Joanne's calculating eyes, dancing as they thought to find a suitable response to my plea.

"That's cool Zoni, I can go if you don't want me to tell everyone about you and your lil _habits_, I just dropped by to say hi and get my arm fixed up by you." She waved her oddly shaped arm at me. Only now did I notice the slightly odd bump that had fused itself under her skin.

"How the hell did you manage to leap-frog on me with that fracture!" I yelled a little loudly as concern uncontrollably crept onto my face. Before I knew it my hands were on her arm and inspecting the site of her fracture. It wasn't an open fracture but it looked pretty roughed up. Knowing Joanne, she probably hadn't treated it at all since she's had it. "We have to go in and fix this up." I blurted out, incredulous to her lack of pain as I pressed on parts of her arm to inspect the damage. She shouldn't even be able to walk around without a sling supporting this thing, let alone drag around a backpack the size of a gazebo and jump on unsuspecting old friends. _Friends_. That thought stung.

"uhhhh about that..." Joanne started.

I frowned. "What?" I abruptly looked up into her suspicious and shifty looking eyes. "Uhh I don't really have insurance or anything and I'm kinda low on money and all that... plus I don't really have a place to stay" she waved to her backpack with a childish grin. Honestly! I don't know how an English major who graduated with first honours ended up hobbo-ing across Western Europe. But then again this was Joanne. This is what she does.

I rolled my eyes. "Just come with me" I worded, still holding her arm tenderly as I led her back into the hospital. Go to room 232 and** WAIT FOR ME**. I instructed before giving a sigh at her mischievous smirk. I gave her verbal directions to the on-call room that I knew no-one ever used (even for alternate reasons) before heading to the nurse's station to file the paperwork for a personal day off. This Joanne thing was going to take up my entire day and I might as well take the day off since I'm as close to recovering my concentration as Joanne is to being serious for more than two seconds of her life.

* * *

I walked into the on-call room with an armful of medical supplies, fully prepared to face the unpredictability of Joanne's explanation of further discoveries she had uncovered about me in the _wonderful_ land of Berkley. What I wasn't prepared for, however, was Joanne taking off her green army-jacket to reveal a jaw-dropping tank-top which accentuated her cutesy muscular arms. She was a rock-climber. I sure know how to pick them huh? I laughed at my own though as I concentrated hard to keep my breathing regular as I sat beside her on the on-call room bed, tending to her fracture. I frowned at the level of severity the fracture was because of her neglect of it. The swelling was abnormally large and could have been prevented completely if she had treated the site when the damage was done. I felt my heart ache at her sharp intake of breathe as I manoeuvred around the damage done. "Are you sure you don't want some ibuprofen?" I asked tenderly as she stole another quick breath of pain and closed her eyes. I raised my eyebrows as she tried to cover her moment of weakness.

"NO. I don't do drugs Zoni. You of all people should know that." Joanne moaned as I touched another tender spot on her swollen fracture. I laughed. This time it was genuine. I had forgotten how absurdly contagious her happiness was and the uplifting effect it had on me. Joanne smiled innocently at my approval and leaned in close to me "you're so cute when you're all concentrated looking and rock star-surgeon-like" she whispered in my ear. I felt my heart rate speed through the roof and my breathing become deeper and forcibly controlled. I swallowed hard.

"Stop moving, I need to immobilize the area and get a plaster cast on it." I groaned as she grazed her lips teasingly on my ear before leaning back again.

"What's wrong?" she laughed with mock surprise, fully understanding her effect on me.

"Nothing!" I replied in a rather high-pitched voice. I finished up on her fracture quickly, expertly manoeuvring around her arm from my years of practice with little kids who also needed the same medical care from falling off an apple tree and the likes.

"Listen, I was wondering if you wanted to get together tonight at the bar, I think some guy named Joe owns it... I was in there earlier today but it wasn't opened to the public yet or whatever. Maybe you and I could get together and, you know... recover some memories?" Joanne seductively whispered into my ear as she grazed her hand up my thigh. I jumped out of the bed and hit the top bunk before making my way to the door. She immediately cornered me to the back of the door, locking her hand on the knob so I couldn't escape. Joanne leaned into me and I could feel the hotness of her breath as I looked at her stunning eyes. She pushed her lips towards mine and just at the last millisecond before her lips could touch mine I dodged her attack. I can't cheat on Calliope. I may have lied about my past but I can't cheat on Calliope. I ran these thoughts through my head as I felt myself burning up from the close escape.

"Um...maybe, but I'm pretty busy today and I think I have _a lot_ of sick kids to tend to and surgeries...and...and...I'm dating someone... it's serious and I'm dating someone, so no I can't hit up the bar with you Joanne... because I'm dating someone and I can't." I finished rather lamely with my back against the wall.

Joanne's eyebrows were raised as she swiftly made her way towards me, "Since when did AZ, the heartbreaker of Berkley, get _serious_?" she mouthed, her lips centimetres away from my mouth.

I swallowed hard. Unable to move and feeling like my heart was going to beat out of my chest. "I really..._REALLY _have to go now." I whispered. Not daring to look into her clairvoyant eyes.

"Fine. I'll see you at Joe's later on at 4pm sharp. Don't be late AZ!" Joanne taunted before leaning in really _REALLY_ close to whisper in my ear "And by the way, I could feel your heartbeat through your fingers when you were treating my arm. Maybe you should stop focusing on controlling your breathing so much and look into that heart rate too when you're done your _MOUNDS _of surgical work." Joanne smirked imperiously as she leaned back on the on-call room bed and closed her eyes.

I ran out of the room while my legs still listened to my brain, however flooded with embarrassment and guilt it was from my response to Joanne's words.

* * *

It was 5pm and I hadn't gone to Joe's to meet up with Joanne. I had experienced the effect of her magic today and I knew I couldn't meet up with her. Not while I was still working things out with Callie. Arizona Robbins may bend the truth once in a while, I thought back to those girls that I had picked up at Berkeley, but Arizona Robbins is not a cheater. And she never will be.

I flicked my lighter in one hand and my cigarette in the other. I smoke when I know I'm going to be in trouble. So with the emergence of Joanne, flailing her tales of me being a _heartbreaker_ and everything, I would say it's time for a smoke.

Suddenly my cell-phone went off. It was Joe. He had sent me a text.

_Your friend is passed out on the table come get her.  
PS. She gave me your number before she passed out. Said to call you if anything ever came up. She just puked all over herself before she went out cold... come quick._

Damn it Joanne! She was obviously faking, Joanne could drink anyone down. She was immune to the effects of alcohol. Or maybe she was so drunk normally it was hard to tell whether or not she was affected by the drinks she consumed by the barrel in college. Nevertheless, if Joe knew her connection to me... I needed to get her. I needed to get her before she started her drunken story-telling of my adventures at Berkley to everyone at the bar- my colleagues at the bar.

Cursing as I grabbed my keys, I head out to Joe's with towels and a clean change of clothes.

* * *

"Dr Robbins, thank god you're here." Joe practically ran up to me from the bar. I looked at the corner and saw Joanne slumped on the ground, puke all over her army jacket. I sighed and dropped down next to her and took off her jacket, wrapping it in the towel after I wiped her down with it. I took off my own coat and placed it around her tenderly. Joe watched me carefully and seemed to hesitate before saying "she was really sad. She seemed so broken... I'm sorry, I didn't know she was your friend, I would've called you earlier before...."

I was shocked. Joanne was NEVER sad. If I'm McPerky, she's McProzac. I froze before regaining my composure. "Yeah, not a problem, thanks." I ended awkwardly before pulling Joanne up on her feet and lugging her out the bar doors. I felt myself freeze as I exited into the coldness of the night and also because Joanne had whispered drunkenly into my ear,

"I love you Zoni."

* * *

"Joanne put on this shirt." I threw her one of my volleyball t-shirts before grabbing another warm towel and some coffee. Joanne had woken up now but was still kind of groggy from her drinks. It was almost 6pm but winter had decided to make it dark outside already.

"I don't need a shirt. I need sleep." Joanne muttered before walking into my bedroom and collapsing on the bed.

Oh come on! Not the bed. No. This was not good. I didn't need my ex-girlfriend/first love on my bed with a slutty tank-top on. Passed Out.

"At least put on the shirt then before you get all your puke stink on my sheets, it's all over your tank..." I didn't get a chance to finish that sentence because Joanne had flung her tank top onto the ground just as I walked into my bedroom with her backpack.

Great. Now it's my ex-girlfriend/first love on my bed with NO slutty tank-top on and just her bra. Passed out and looking all gorgeous. I am so screwed. Thank god Calliope and I were fighting. If she walked in on this it would mean instant death.

I groaned at the luck I was having this week and dumped out the contents of her backpack onto the bedroom floor, hoping to find something that I can slip on her so she could be wearing something more than a bra. An assortment of ponchos and jeans poured out and dresses and shoes. What kind of person packs like this! Argh. Sometimes Joanne drives me insane.

I looked at her sleeping soundly on the bed. She looked so peaceful and my anger melted away. I tucked her into my bed and started walking towards the kitchen, wanting to make her something warm to wake up to. Just as I reached the sink I heard a splatter of puke fall onto my bedroom floor.

I sighed and grabbed some cleaning supplies. Walking into the room I saw that there was blood mixed into the puke. Joanne had woken up again and looked at me with broken eyes. "I'm sick Zoni. That's why I came back. I'm sick and I'm scared..."

I looked from her eyes to the blood on the ground. I jumped into bed and held her in my arms. She needed me there and I knew that I had to be there for her, despite the way she had crippled me. The insecurities that she had drowned me with in having actual relationships. The player that she had forced me to become. The one night stands that I had taken shelter in. The fallibility of trust and hope in love that she had instilled into me. She needed me. I hugged her as I whispered "It's ok Joanne, I'm here. We'll fix you. First thing tomorrow, we'll take you to the hospital and fix you. I'll fix you. I promise."

Joanne looked at me with unprecedented seriousness before saying "Zoni, I know you're super AWESOME and everything. But just in case you can't fix me. I just wanted you to know that I love you. And the only reason I left you before was because I wasn't ready to be with someone I loved so much that it hurt. I wasn't ready to be put in such a fragile position because if you ever left me I would be so hurt, so lost, so broken. I wasn't ready to fall so hard for you but after I left I realized..." she coughed a bit and concern stretched across my face before she finished, " after I left I realized that it was too late."

* * *

_**Arizona's voiceover:** Everyone lies. The difference is, some people admit it and some people don't. And then there are those who think they can defeat reality. Bury the truth, block it away from the sun, close it up and stop it from ever emerging into the world. We think we can get away from it. We think we can beat it down, re-write our past. But what we don't understand, what we fail to comprehend, is that l__ies __**always**__ catch up to us. _


	6. Chapter 6

**Title: Because of You I'm Breaking [Chapter 6]**  
**  
Author: **JCapzona  
**  
Rating:** NC-17  
**  
Pairing:** Callie/Arizona  
**  
Disclaimer: **All television shows and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings ext. are the properties of their respective owners. This work is non-profit and simply written for fun. Reference to persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be factual.  
**  
Summary:** Talk is good. Talk is healthy. So here it comes.

**Author's Note: **Thanks for the reviews guys! Really appreciate reading your thoughts on the writing, I tried to reply to everyone so hopefully everyone got a response of some sort. This isn't the last chapter because as some of you will probably notice, problems aren't exactly resolved. Just thought it would be nice to have some sort of resolution before we return to the angst. I realized that the link for my official journal didn't show on my last update, if you want to see faster updates check out my livejournal account under JCapzona. Thanks for the support =)

_  
**Arizona's voiceover: ** Forgiveness is the one of the hardest things to offer. When someone has wronged us, when someone has hurt us, we are told to forgive. We're supposed to move on. We're supposed to forget. But what do we do when the damage is beyond repair, when the hurt is so irrevocable that no amount of time, no amount of apologies can fix the tear inside of us?_

I felt my lungs explode as I took a deep breath. I nervously tugged on the tips of my meticulously straightened hair. It was useless. I couldn't breathe. I haven't been able to all morning. Not since Calliope's rushed escape after seeing Joanne and I last night. I played the image through my head as I closed my eyes momentarily. Stupid. That's what it was. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid of me to be caught in such a misleading scene, stupid of me for not considering the fact that Calliope would drop by and jump to those conclusions. I had set myself up for the fall and now I'm shattered from the brutal contact of the ground.

I felt myself aggressively struggling to cross the cafeteria with unparalleled speed the instant I saw Calliope sitting across the pristine whiteness of the area. Calliope looked so down, so dead, so broken...I felt my heart give an unsavoury tug. I didn't know the exact words I would use but I knew that we had to talk. Talk is good. And we had to talk.

I felt a surge of adrenaline rush in my veins as I expertly manoeuvred towards her, gravitating towards Calliope. I needed her to understand. Understand that I love her. Understand my past... my horrible past. Understand the mistakes that I had made while hurting from Joanne's departure. Understand that it was Calliope who fixed me, picked me up from my shattered pieces and carefully re-attached me. Not the other way around.

Calliope has always hailed me for fixing her up, suturing her wounds from George and Erica; what she doesn't know is that every stitch I made on her was just also a stitch on myself.

* * *

"_Bailey saw you leave the on-call room yesterday...all dishevelled and stuff...after...after you called in for the personal day off... after you hugged backpacker girl." _Calliope mumbled, not looking at me as she voiced out the damage that had been engulfing her all night. I saw the shadows under her eyes and the hollowness of her soul in her cloudy pupils.

I didn't have to look into her eyes to see the tears welled there, refusing to trickle and admit defeat. I felt my heart collapse from her hurt, her pain, her suffering which was all too evident in her deliberate words.

I was momentarily stunned as I reflected upon the agony in Calliope's words. I knew what it must've looked like. I remember the dishevelled state I was in when I left the on-call room. When I had escaped the clutches of Joanne. Yes, Joanne had been sucking out my soul in the on-call room. Joanne was breath-taking, she was enthralling. Joanne was my first and also the symbol of the nightmarish past I have tried so hard to recede into the darkness of the forgotten. But Calliope was mistaken. I knew it clearly, Joanne is beautiful, she is breath-taking and alluring not because I love her, but because I _LOVED _her. She is a living reminder of the person I was before she broke me and the person I became when she left. She took a part of me, a part of Arizona Robbins I thought I would never recover. She's like the violin I gave up on playing when I was little. The violin that sits up in the attic, encrusted in dust and memories. Joanne is a part of me, and this is the truth, she is an undeniable part of my past, a chapter of my story, a cause for who I am today. But Calliope is my now, she is the reason I was able to survive and recover my missing pieces, she is the one I love and my belief in this. In us. Has never faltered.

I touched Calliope's hand, I needed to convey to her my past, the mistakes I had made after Joanne left. She flinched beneath my touch and ran before I could continue. I was in shock. I couldn't believe it. She had flinched. Flinched beneath my fingers, flinched beneath the warmth of my heart, wanting to pour its soul onto her, wanting her to understand the other part of Arizona Robbins that has been cooped up in the shadows all these years.

I tore past confused residents and curious interns as I chased Calliope down the halls. She was fast. Really fast. I felt my heart twinge as I thought about how desperate she must be to get away from me, how much she hated my presence, a reminder of what she thinks she saw last night. I felt the ache in my chest engulf me, swallow me whole as I knew how angry Calliope felt, how propelled by the hurt she must be feeling. I lost track of her on the second floor of the hospital. I didn't have to see her to know where she was though, Calliope was a stubborn person. She only ever went to one place when she was confused, when she was lost, when she was hurting. I felt a stabbing in my heart as I sprinted to the on-call room.

The on-call room was an aphrodisiac for Calliope and had soon developed the same effects for me. I could still remember the curing powers of the room that day when Calliope had a headache. I could still taste her in my mouth as I ran towards it, thinking back to the day we escaped from the OR gallery to have a little fun between the two of us. Her chicken pox. Her gauze paws. I gulped back my tears as I thought about it all, thought about Calliope. I had to erase her pain, I had to let her know that Joanne is just a memory. A collection of emotions I have pent up from the past. My love for Joanne died the instant Calliope came to my life. I would never, EVER, betray Calliope, jeopardize what we have, tantalize the threads that lock us together. I love Calliope. She needs to know that. She just...needs to know.

* * *

I felt myself grip the door of the on-call room. The silver beneath the knob felt unfamiliar, felt cold beneath my touch. I felt a shiver inexplicably rise up my spine as I took a deep breath. Readying myself to confront a sobbing Calliope. The image of it in my head made my heart collapse. She needs to know. She needs to know I love her. Steadying my grip on the metal door knob, I leaned on it for support as I wrenched the door open.

I felt the air from my lungs twist out of my body as I stood there, rigid as stone, fogged by the hurt of my soul, petrified by the scene before me. I was numb. I was blacking out. I could just feel the coldness of the door knob which I now clung on for life. I couldn't believe my eyes. It was like waking up from a nightmare, the split second of confusion, the moment of disbelief, the struggling to remember, the despairing attempt to understand what lay before me. Calliope struggled to free her lips and body from Mark. I felt my water-clogged eyes dance from the topless Mark to Calliope who were melted together by their passion. I felt my teeth dig into my lips as I felt my shattered peaces desperately tugging onto each other. I shifted as I felt the weight of my heart cannon onto my stomach. Feeling something beneath me I looked down to see Calliope's scrubs at the foot of me, strewn beside it was the heart-shaped pendant I had given her for Valentine's Day. I felt a tsunami of grief wash over me as sadness blinded me from moving, blinded me from feeling, and blinded me from the reality that lay before me.

Calliope struggled to free herself from Mark and all I could do was swallow as I stood rooted on the spot. As I watched my girlfriend lunge towards me I mustered all the strength that I still had to turn and run. I felt my vision obscured by the tears, now blaring down my cheeks. My heart clenched as I felt a strong hand grab my arm right outside the elevator doors.

Once again, the familiarity of the touch allowed me to identify who it was. I shut my eyes as I desperately craved for the feeling of relief that comes over you when you realize it was all a dream, when you re-connect with reality after a nightmare. The beautiful feeling of happiness that surges over your fears and relieves you from the pain of it all. It didn't come.

"Arizona!" Calliope yelled. Forcing me out of my trance. I had no choice. I wish I could wake up but I couldn't. This wasn't a nightmare. This was reality.

I felt Calliope's firm, bone-breaking hands turn me to face her. She had her scrubs on now but her hair still carried the unmistakable messy-look that could only be stylized by an on-call room rendezvous. I felt my throat clench up as I looked into the beautiful brown eyes of Calliope. She wasn't breath-taking because of the scene I had just saw, her hazel brown eyes weren't mesmerizing because of the situation, she was charming because she was Calliope, my Calliope. Or so I had thought.

"Arizona..." she continued, fear racking her words as she struggled to explain, fought to recover coherence... "I... I was hurt. I saw you and Joanne and I was hurt... and Mark came and I was scared and I didn't know what to do... and he said all these things and held me and..and all I could think about was you... and Joanne... and how you two slept together...and how jealous I was and foolish I was for thinking that only we had that connection...so I wanted to take away the pain...and Mark came and told me he loved me and..." 

"He told you he loved you?" I whispered softly, it was barely audible but the suffering in those words was distinct. I was shocked at my own ability to form words. So he said it. The truth that I had known from the start. Mark had always loved Calliope. Seeing the reality set in did not subdue the pain. I forced my tears within me as I continued, avoiding the crippling pain that was trickling through my body, "Joanne and I didn't sleep together. She wanted to meet me at Joe's but I knew that she wanted to get together so I didn't go. But then Joe...he texted me. She was out cold at the bar and puked on her shirt so I brought her back. Then, just as I was trying to find a shirt for her to put on she puked blood...she's coming in for an examination later on today..." I took a breath from having said all those pent up words in one go. All the emotion, all the truth I needed Calliope to understand. Calliope's eyes widened at my tale. I knew I had to finish my story... "She told me she loved me...but I..." I felt my throat close up as the tears in my eyes came rushing down "I...I can't love anyone but you... and I just had to tell you that...I just needed you to know that..." 

Calliope watched despairingly as I broke down. She mouthed wordlessly before saying "I'm sorry Arizona. I'm SO. SO. Sooo sorry. Please forgive me. You have to understand that... I was hurt... and I thought Joanne and you had...so I kissed Mark... and... we ONLY kissed... we didn't... I didn't..."

"Have sex?" I finished her sentence in a quiet whisper, raising one of my eyebrows questioningly. "It really seemed like you guys would've definitely hit that mark had I not walked in." I was shocked at the coldness of my words, laced with the hurt that was pounding through each syllable. I couldn't describe the pain I felt inside me. I wanted Calliope to yell at me, to slap me, to do something to make me feel something other than my pain. Other than my hurt.

Calliope stood there, wordless, defenceless to my accusations as she saw the truth in those words. Finally, she spoke through tears, "Arizona... I'm sorry. I know I really screwed up and...oh god. Why am I such a screw up? I'm... I can't believe it either and I know you can't forgive me right now... but I love you... I love you soo much and I was hurt and stupid and jealous of backpacker girl and ...." Calliope leaned into me as she pleaded. I felt my feet take a sudden step back.

"I...I can't do this now Calliope... I have to go... I ... I have to go..." I hear my strange and unfamiliar voice croak as I stepped into the elevator. I watched as Calliope stared fiercely into my eyes as tears and regret embodied her voice, sending me one final message before the elevator doors slowly closed, erasing her from my vision. I could see the fear in her voice as she helplessly watched the metal doors separate us as she whispered "I love you..."

* * *

The next day felt unreal. I didn't wear my wheelie sneaks during my rounds for the first time since I've arrived at Seattle Grace Mercy West. My hair was tied up carelessly and I could feel myself crumbling. Even my five-year-old long-term patient asked me if everything was okay. Even he could see that I was broken.

I was tired. I was hurt. I was lost. I didn't have my characteristic charm and my dimples were MIA. I was just a ghost of the person I used to be. It was ten times worse than what I felt when Joanne left. No, that pain was incomparable to the fire that was burning me right now. I felt like someone had taken a scalpel and nonchalantly stabbed my heart multiple times, twisting the wounds to widen the gash and my heart now lay beating feebly on the floor of the on-call room, beside the necklace Calliope had strewn on the floor as she had taken off her scrubs for Mark.

Mark. I wanted to punch him. Knock him out. Throw him against the wall like Calliope's dad. But I was too hurt to muster up the anger. Too lost to find my fists and shove it in his man-whore mouth. Instead, I avoided him. I avoided Calliope. I avoided my problems. I had forgotten how great it feels to avoid things, to block it out, to ignore the sadness that seared my heart every time I heard someone say Calliope's name.

"Dr. Robbins! Dr. Robbins!" I snapped awake as the tall muscular figure made his way towards me. I felt revolted by a wave of disgust. Surely, he didn't think he could talk to me. Not after what he did to Calliope. Not after the pain he has dunked me head-first into.

"What do you want Mark." I felt the ice drip through my words like venom.

"We need to talk." Mark replied. It wasn't laced with his usual "Blondie" jokes. It was serious mark. It was business Mark. I didn't care, and I felt my knuckles whiten as the prospect of knocking him out in one punch danced tantalizingly before me.

"No." I replied with firmness. I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of fixing what he has broken. He was the one who made the mess and he would have to live with it.

Mark answered with a look of confusion. I wanted to punch the lights out of him. I wanted him to have to fix his own face for once. I wanted him to suffer.

"No." I stated again, this time more firmly than the last. "No, you don't get to be the hero Mark. You don't get to swoop in and fix everything and pretend you weren't the culprit behind it all. You don't get to pretend you were just man-whoring around and that it meant nothing. No. Not this time Mark. Not with Calliope." I clenched my teeth as I finished, glaring at my opponent with ferocity.

Mark evaluated me with caution. I watched as his expression softened. He whispered in an uncharacteristically low plea "When she told me you cheated on her, I thought I would be happy. I mean, Blondie makes the slip and in comes Mark Sloan right? But then... I was surprised because I wasn't delighted. I was sad. I was hurt. I could _FEEL _ the hurt she felt as she told me about you and backpacker girl. So I told her I loved her..." Mark whispered as he recalled the words that had escaped his mouth in the on-call room. I felt my body tighten as I took it all in. My teeth were grinding together as he spoke. Mark hesitated before continuing, clenching his jaw, "She doesn't love me though. When I was kissing her and comforting her... she wasn't there. Her eyes were brimming with tears and her mind was elsewhere... her mind was with you Blondie... she wasn't there. She was hurting. But even then, she was with you... and I ..." Mark didn't get to finish that sentence.

"OW! WHAT THE...WHAT WAS THAT FOR!?" He angrily exclaimed after having received my knuckle in his face. I shook off the pain that ricocheted my fingers as I smirked, Mark's nose was a little off and there was blood spewing out of it. I was pretty confident that my blow had broken his perfect little feature just a tad.

I shrugged off his question and replied calmly, looking defiantly pleased "You tried to sleep with my girlfriend, what do you want Mark? A cupcake?" I walked away with a feeling of satisfaction as I heard Mark mutter behind me, "GOD! This hurts like a.... WHY?? WHY DOES EVERYONE HIT THE FACE. Damn it! Why the face..."

* * *

It had been a long day. A long, long, LONG day. The type of day that makes you want to collapse on your living room couch and just pass out. I was emotionally fatigued. And despite my revenge on Mark's face, which was now heavily bandaged, my hurt and ache for Calliope had not subsided.

I was out of my scrubs now. I began walking towards the elevator as I saw the darkness envelop the windows of Seattle Grace Mercy West. The door dinged open and it wasn't until I was inside that I saw the other occupant of the small space. Calliope was in there, staring the other way and preying in Spanish under her breath. I puckered up my lips as I rolled my eyes the other way, trying to ignore the awkwardness of the situation. The silence was overwhelming. I just wanted to go home, I just wanted to sleep and forget the drama and angst of Calliope, of what was going on between us. Suddenly, the elevator stopped moving.

I looked up to see Calliope releasing her hold on the emergency stop button. "Calliope..." I whispered, not knowing what else to say. Her name danced on my tongue as I saw the fierce determination in her eyes.

"Arizona, I'm sorry. You have NO IDEA how sorry I am. I am sorry beyond words, I am sorry beyond actions, I am so _UNBELIEVABLY _freakin' sorry and stupid and I'm sorry even for that. I don't deserve you. I don't deserve such an awesome girlfriend. I'm a screw up...I keep screwing things up for myself and I don't know why or how I came to be that way. I'm a screw up... but if there's one thing I know I can't screw up it's _US._ Because I love you. I love your dimples... and I love how you care about your patients and... and play UNO with them and... I love how you skate around the hospital and do everything the way you do... I love how you cry at authority figures and I love how you get all pouty and angry when you're hungry at night and all we have are donuts. I love you and I hope you can forgive me and love me even though I'm a screw up and I know. I KNOW you have girls _LINING _up for you...girls who I personally feel are much MUCH hotter than me and..."

Calliope's adorably nervous rambling was cut short as I roughly smashed her against the wall of the elevator. I locked her wrists just above her head as I crashed my lips onto hers within a split second. Feeling the heat burning between my fingers, now locking her wrists above her head, our lips struggled for dominance as I felt ignited from our brutal contact. I felt the surge of passion and electricity mesh with the softness of her lips against mine and I jammed my tongue through her unsuspecting gates as her mouth opened in surrender. My fingers ran through her siren-like black hair and down the length of her waist, all the while securing her with my tongue, now locked into hers. I could feel her heartbeat pound through her jacket as I felt my body melt into her curves, locking her between my attack and the walls of the elevator. We were lost in each other as she swiftly tightened her arms around my neck, fearful for the kiss to end, trapping me with her strong hold. I felt her tongue slide down my jaw-line as I roughly tore at the bottom of her lip. She bit teasingly on my neck as I let out a soft moan, opening my mouth briefly as I let the sound escape me. I felt her tongue slide down my collarbone as I slid my hand under her shirt, manoeuvring it down the sides of her soft hips. For minutes we were captured by our own longing for one another and nothing but the sound of our synchronized heartbeats and ragged breathing could be heard. At that moment, nothing mattered. Nothing but Calliope, nothing but the rush of emotion I felt as we stood intertwined in each other's grasp. Mark, Joanne, the baby, all those issues became insignificant, incomparable to the love we felt for each other. For the time being, nothing mattered by the feeling of Calliope in my arms.

"I love you." Calliope hoarsely whispered when we finally broke apart. I felt my head spin from the spontaneity and lust that was embossed in her words.

"I love you too" I whispered, knowing fully that I meant every word of it. "And for the record, you are _WAY_ hotter than any of the girls in line." I laughed before giving her a smirk which revealed my seductive dimples.

_***Arizona voiceover: *** They say love is the strongest emotion a person can feel. Love is the flame that burns within us, the warping desire that buries all other thoughts, the sweet surrender that we feel when we let go of everything. _

_Love can conquer all. And if we let it, if we're willing to take the chance, we can wash away all wrongs, forgive all the hurt and just let love save the day._


	7. Chapter 7

**Title: Because of You I'm Breaking [Chapter 7]**

**Author: **JCapzona

**Rating: **NC-17

**Pairing:** Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** All television shows and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings ext. are the properties of their respective owners. This work is non-profit and simply written for fun. Reference to persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be factual.

**Summary:** The scariest thing about the morning after isn't waking up to discover who's beside you; it's waking up to find that they were never really there to begin with…

**Author's Note:** So the good news is that I'm off my writing hiatus for BOYIB (Because of You I'm Breaking), which was midterm induced so my apologies for that. I took some time off to write some nice thoughts. Happy thoughts, which came in the form of Strawberries & Crème. I do have to admit that I'm guilty for purposely avoiding writing BOYIB because of the recent angst in the real Calzona storyline…but somehow I found myself typing this out from 2am-5am…fatal attraction I guess? Don't know. Never watched the movie. I guess in the end, I came back to BOYIB because it hurts me to leave things incomplete, I need closure with the story and I can tell you guys now that you're really going to hate me for this one. Like REALLY. It's not the last chapter though and I plan to continue it for quite a bit longer, so please don't code out on me. Enough ranting…let's cut the drum roll & get this party started~*

_*****Arizona's Voiceover: *****__ We like to watch movies. We like to watch movies because they take us away from our lives and for that blissful hour and a half we get to step in someone else's shoes. We get to experience life through a different set of eyes. Feel what it's like to be in someone else's skin. We get to dance in the rain. Soar out into space. Swing through the forest on a brittle vine. We get to be…someone else. We appreciate the comforting difference between movies and real life in that movies hold a specific formula. Boy meets girl. Girl falls in love with Boy. Boy proposes. The freakin' end. The formula is cheesy. It's tacky. It's overdone. But we love it. We love the guarantee. The comforting pledge that at the end of the hour and a half, we're guaranteed closure, we're guaranteed explanations, we're guaranteed a satisfactory resolution. The guarantee that there is some sort of end to the chaos and drama we've endured…_

I drifted my fingers lightly across Arizona's sleeping figure, stopping myself from actually making contact as I left my fingers dangling deftly, millimeters away from her soft expressionless face. I didn't know why, but for some reason, I felt a barrier that persuaded my fingertips from stroking her gorgeously peaceful face. I lay beside her, taking it all in…everything about her was just…perfection. Her blonde curls strewn across her temple, her dimples etched in her cheeks as she breathed deeply, sound asleep from our rough reunion in the hospital elevator which had somehow progressed to my bedroom. I wanted to touch her soft golden hair, its soft glow teasing me to do so. I could see the dark roots ebbing into sight, and I wondered silently whether she was a natural blonde…but this thought was insignificant, pushed away by the image burned into my mind as I looked down painfully at the gorgeous girlfriend who was sleeping beside me; the image of Arizona crying, the memory of her tearing up as I watched her fight away the tears, push away her agony as she walked into Mark and I in the on-call room. And then it hit me. I was scared. I was scared to touch her because I was scared that she would wake up. Scared that if I moved, or made any sounds, I would wake her and she would remember. She would remember Mark. She would remember my cheating on her. She would wake up and leave. And she would never come back. Because as strong as she is, as amazingly brilliant of a person she is, she was hurt. And I thought back to the elevator a couple hours ago, how she had lunged at me with hunger as she crashed her lips onto mine. It wasn't just lust… it was anger. Pain. Hurt. I could see it in her blue eyes which were dark with suffering, in the way she bit down on my lip, in the way she grabbed me roughly, clutching me as I felt her need to dominate me. Her need to re-claim me. It was in the way she whispered to me, her smile, her touch, her presence. I knew there was something different, something off, something wrong…she was hurt but I needed her. I needed her to be here with me, even if she wasn't really her…

I saw her scrunch her nose in her sleep and her eyebrows pushed downwards, her breathing was becoming less shallow. I blinked away my tears as I stared transfixed in her appearance, mesmerized simply by her presence, by her closeness, by a proximity we haven't experienced in such a long time. Arizona began to stir and I swiftly closed my eyes, feigning sleep, breathing deeply as I felt her push off away from the bed. I didn't have to open my eyes to feel her leave the mattress, get up, pull on her jacket and leave my room, clicking the door softly to a close. I pushed my face deeper into my pillow as I felt the flood of tears slowly trickle down, drowning me in reality. Arizona was gone… or maybe she was never really here to begin with.

* * *

I felt like I was in high school again. All morning at SGMV my heart clenched whenever I saw a head of blonde hair, my insides twisted every time I heard a click that could've come from a certain blonde peds surgeon's "wheelie sneaks". Time and time again I felt the same crushing sensation as I realized it wasn't Arizona. Teddy and Lexie had both been victimized at least twice as I pushed furiously away from them, disappointed that it wasn't Arizona. Why were there suddenly so many blondes in the hospital? Ugh. I could feel the sadness and despair seeping into my scrubs as I spent my break standing nonchalantly by the nurses counter up in the peds wing. My odd behavior led to many curious and extremely obvious whispers from the nurses sitting behind the desk as I desperately pretended to look at my clipboard which bore nothing more than some old charts from yesterday's rounds. I tapped my pen impatiently along the edge of the metal lifejacket which was the only thread of evidence I had to convince people that I wasn't just a random doctor stalking their hot peds surgeon. How does Arizona even do it!? How does the pediatric head an entire day without walking by the control centre of the peds wing- the counter of frantic whispering, the gossip superhighway, the information system they called the nurse's counter.

Who was I kidding? She was avoiding me. This thought pierced my gut as I gulped, adding to the anxiety and fear I had been building within me since she left without a word last night. We just needed to talk. Yeap. That's all this was. A misunderstanding. We just need to talk… I kept repeating this in my head as I tried to push away the other nagging voice, countering bitterly with the reality of the situation "you guys already talked Callie Torres. And look where you are now."

"Shut up!" I mumbled rather loudly to myself. The nurses glanced up at me with a worried

expression tinted with a hint of amusement. Flustered by my sudden outburst I dug my face inside my clipboard, furiously scribbling nothing as I pretended to turn my inconveniently insane eruption into something work-related, hoping that I could pass it off as having a sudden idea spring up within me on how to deal with a case. With a sigh I felt my shoulders collapse a bit into me in defeat. There was a case. A mental case. And it was me.

My pathetic antic was interrupted by the buzz of my cell phone. I gasped and dropped my clipboard as I hastily flicked open my phone, hoping that it was Arizona. Hoping it was the hint of hope that I had been waiting for the whole day. As I clumsily shuffled the papers that had sprung out of my clipboard at contact with the hard hospital floor, I grabbed my belongings and headed towards the attendings locker room.

* * *

"Hey." A figure leaning against the spacious lockers greeted me darkly as he stepped out of the shadows.

"Mark…" I began, not knowing what to say. He had texted me to meet him here and I had come fully prepared to deal with the aftershocks of yesterday's events, but nevertheless the sight of him before me still threw me off. I looked at the bags underneath his eyes and the graying stubble that had sprouted roughly around his normally prim appearance. His eyes looked almost haunted, and the gray lining of his pupils were blurred with a thoughtful presence.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, looking down at his hands as he blurted out these two words. Two words I had used again and again with Arizona. Two words that elicited such pain and suffering. Two words that I had been on both the receiving and exuding end of. Two words I knew well.

I was lost for words. Here he was, my best friend in the hospital, the most unlikely

companion that I had someone grown attached to over the years. I walked towards him and gave him a look of understanding. The expression in his eyes told me much more than any words could every depict, a picture so ruined with despair that no words could ever paint. I mouthed wordlessly, not knowing what to say. Mark was like my brother. I loved him. But not the way I love Arizona. And as this thought filtered through my eyes, he seemed to hear it all, feel it channeled through my watering brown pupils, whispering words to him that my tongue could not express.

"I shouldn't have told you what I said yesterday…and we shouldn't have…well…I shouldn't have kissed…cause the thing is…I don't even know if I do. I mean. I love you Callie… you're my best friend. The only best friend I have. I just…don't know what I meant it…I don't know if I love you…or maybe I do…it just came out so easily yesterday…it was like…" Mark muttered, once again looking down in his hands as he folded them together. I could see the confusion in him as he stood there with his shoulders hunched down, averting my gaze as I tried to understand his words.

"Mark. It's okay. I'll always be here for you. Heck, you're my best friend! I love you…as…as my best friend you know? And…I'm sorry about yesterday…I shouldn't have kissed you…I was just lost and confused…but I love you as a friend Mark. And no matter what happens, you'll always be Mark Sloan, the guy that's worth knowing in daylight! To me, you'll always be my best friend…" I laid my hands on his shoulder as he lifted his gaze into my eyes. There was so much hurt there. So much confusion. My heart throbbed in pain as I realized that I had hurt yet another person I loved…first Arizona and now Mark….I couldn't shake away the guilt that hung over me and before I knew it, I felt a tear trickle down my cheek. Mark broke the silence carefully, muttering quietly…

"I…think I'm going to take a month off…what with Lexie…and Little Sloan…and…" Mark glanced up at me as if he wanted to say "you" but seemed to think better of it as he continued, "…I need some time to think…things through… and I think it's better if I'm not around you and Arizona… my nose can't take another bashing…" Mark chuckled weakly as he rubbed his bandaged feature. I couldn't help out but give a weak smile as I looked up at the bandaging smack in the middle of his handsome appearance, even through all of this, Mark was still Mark. My Mark.

"You know…a lot of people know you as Mark the man-whore, Mark the slutty male escort, Mark the disgusting slag who sleeps around…" I began, only to be cut off with an annoyed and slightly hurt voice of the man across from me.

"Is there a point to this?! Because I sure hope this is going somewhere…" He frowned with offense as I continued as if he hadn't spoken at all.

"I guess I just wanted to say…they say you are those things because, they think they know the real Mark Sloan. They think they get you. But I know better… I know you for who you really and truly are Mark. You're not Mark the man-whore, you're Mark…my best friend. And no matter what… you'll always be that Mark to me." I smiled as tears rolled down my cheek, I pulled the stunned man in-front of me into a soft hug.

"I resent the whole man-whore affiliation." Mark mumbled as he awkwardly embraced me in his strong arms, patting me on the back appreciatively.

It was nice to feel like I had Mark back... I knew it wasn't over, because he was going away and all…but at that moment, it was comforting to know that Mark and I were on good enough terms for a friendly hug.

"Calliope?" the barely audible whisper froze me like an icy breeze of wintry wind. I pulled away from the hug as I turned around to find Arizona staring firmly at the two of us. I am the queen of good timing.

Arizona's sparkling blue eyes were water clogged but they were different from the last time she had busted Mark and I in the on-call room, there was a subtle defiance and determination that emblazoned her firm expression. I walked towards her immediately, "Arizona…we were just…"

"It's okay Callie. It's fine. It's…fine." Her voice cracked as she spoke the words, as if she hadn't spoken in a long time, or maybe even the first time today. I cringed at the use of my nick name, but I couldn't help but fear the truth that crept in her words as she said it's fine. I felt dread drench my being as Mark quickly maneuvered around Arizona's unwavering stance and out the door, mumbling a quick goodbye as he left.

The only light shadowing Arizona's features came from the small light bulb that was perched above the centre of the attending room, I hadn't understood why the lights were mostly off but I was sure thankful that there were shadows to hide in. Maybe Arizona hadn't seen us hugging… maybe that's why she was so calm towards the misleading scene she had just broke in on. I can't believe the foundation of my love life is now teetering on the hopes of cheap hospital lighting.

Arizona stepped into the attendings lounge and closed the door behind her, carefully clicking it shut. I felt a shiver run down my spine as I remembered the last door she had so gracefully closed not too long ago and anxiety hovered in my lungs as I held my breath, waiting for her to speak.

"I was just... we were just…hugging cause he's leaving…for a month…and I was just telling him that I see him as a friend…that Mark was just…" I began my suicidal rant. So much for hoping for bad lighting… if she hadn't seen the hug, she definitely can picture it now.

"Callie. It's fine. It's really…fine." She whispered as she stepped towards me, closing the awkward distance that had previously been in place.

There it was again. The solid conviction that reverberated from the word fine. It really did sound fine. I gulped rather loudly as I felt the dryness of my lips. I stared at her wordlessly, half hoping that she would just push me against the lockers and roughly subdue my thoughts until they were just shattered fears, irrational fears that would mean nothing in the end.

"I love you. I really…really do…but I think it's important for me to say this…to stop this…because of what's been happening recently and…" Arizona was ranting a bit but she was cautious in her word choice, so slowly, deliberately, enunciating each word that I felt myself cringe in the solemn seriousness of her tone.

"Oh my god…you're breaking up with me…" I whispered. Did I just say that? Oh my god. I just said that. It felt…unreal… like I was drifting above and outside my body. Like I was watching the procession of these words exit my mouth like the audience in a movie. A sick, twisted movie where I was the main character. I felt my heart shatter as these words stung my soul. The world came clattering down as my lips formed the words that I never thought I would say to Arizona.

She looked at me with watery eyes, as if these words had slapped her in the face, as if these words had drenched her in sorrow as well. I wanted her to refute my accusation. I wanted her to laugh in her dimple-revealing way and tell me that I was being crazy and that I was totally off. I wanted her to do anything, to punch me and call it even. I wanted the ending to be anything other than what it was now… with Arizona standing in front of me, forcibly keeping her expression firm as she bit down on her lower lip, trembling slightly as she spoke those crushing, words. The irrevocable sentence confirming the execution of my heart.

"I'm sorry Calliope…but last night…" Arizona began as I snapped out of it, I was drowning and all I could do was thrash, try and grab at anything to keep me afloat.

"Last night was wonderful." I lied, wanting to stop her from finalizing the decision. She merely shook her head before continuing…

"Last night…it just felt wrong…I couldn't feel you Calliope…I couldn't feel you even as I was kissing you and running my lips down your body… I was there but I couldn't feel you…all I could feel was the anger towards Mark and the sadness and hurt that I felt as I imagined the two of you…as I saw the picture burned in my skull of the two of you in the in-call room…" Arizona was crying now, silent tears trickled down her face but she was determined to keep her focus and strength in her words nevertheless. I shook my head, grasping her shoulders as I felt her slip away from me with every expression, every word that escaped her lips.

"No..Arizona..no…no…please…don't do this..don't …I can't…" I slurred out, unable to control the stream of water that now flooded my features, my words were trembling as I forced them out, as I tried to stop her from continuing the inevitable.

"I really…really wish that I could forgive you…I do…but…I" Arizona held her mouth open wordlessly as she looked away, trying to search for the ending to her thoughts, trying to find the right way to end this, "…but I can't…I can't forget what happened and I can't forgive it…because it scares me so much…it scares me so much that you could just throw it all away like you did… and I can't be with someone knowing that they have the strength and power to destroy me like that…I mean…I kissed you and…and..I was there last night…but…I couldn't feel you anymore…and that…scares me Calliope…that scares me so much…and so I know…I know… I can't do this anymore…I can't do…us anymore…" Arizona's last words etched into me like a knife in a pumpkin on Halloween. I stood there in shock as she slipped away from me, her stray blonde curls turning swiftly as she strode from the room. I stared blankly towards the spot where she had previously been standing. I was stunned, frozen, numb from what had just happened. And then, before I knew it, I had collapsed onto the floor, overwhelmed by the sound of someone sobbing the most despairing tears, and it only took a moment to realize that it was coming from me.

"Arizona…" I whispered between my cacophony of sobs…I can't believe it...she just broke up with me. Arizona was gone.

_*****Arizona's voiceover: *****__ Sometimes we become so engrossed with movies that we start viewing our own lives as a movie of its own. We plug in our characters, hum out our soundtrack and we go through the procession of our lives, blissfully unaware. But in life, there are no guarantees. What if Boy doesn't meet Girl. What if Girl takes a bat and knocks Boy unconscious cause Boy was a little too touchy. What if Boy's out cold? Dead? What if Girl goes to jail for homocide? Cause the thing about life? Is that it's not a movie. The person you meet at the beginning may not stick it out to the end. The obstacles you face may not be resolved at the climax. Heck, you might not even be the hero to the story. We become so accustomed to happy resolutions, cheerful endings, satisfactory closure that it really comes as a shock to us, when the velvet ropes come down… and it's not exactly a happy ending._


	8. Chapter 8

**Title: "Because of You I'm Breaking" [Chapter 8]**

Author: JCapzona

**Rating: **NC-17

**Pairing:** Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** All television shows and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings ext. are the properties of their respective owners. This work is non-profit and simply written for fun. Reference to persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be factual.

**Summary: **After the break-up Callie finds that she is fine. Gritted teeth fine. She's fine okay. She is so freakin' fine. So just leave her be. That includes you too…sexy hot visitor to SGMW.

**Author's Note:** Okay so I feel really rusty from having left this fan fic for so long. Like _REALLY_ rusty. And coming back a month later… it's really hard to get back in the groove after having left this BOYIB mindset for so long, so please excuse the rather lacking writing that I'm producing here. I'm going to lay-off the voiceovers until I'm back in the flow of the writing (since the last one I wrote in chapter 7 was a personal worst) and right now I guess I'm just trying to get back on track with the story. I'll update more though, possibly daily so I can get the flow back on. Hope you guys can stick out this writer's patch I'm trudging through. Oh, and thanks for the reviews! I really like the essay-long rants, so please rant away! Really keeps me motivated to write so keep them coming =) even if it's to criticize the rather bloody terrible/awkward writing I'm going through.

It had been two weeks since the break up conversation in the attending locker room and Callie had recovered. Sure, she had spent the first couple of nights crying herself to sleep only to wake up an hour or so later to watch her FRIENDS season dvds, the routine insomnia pain-killer, but the last couple of nights she had managed to squeeze in a couple hours of rest. She was recovering. She was okay…an incredible feat to say the least, but she had been managing. Focusing on her work, avoiding eye contact with a certain peds surgeon, leaving the room asap whenever both Arizona and her had finished a case, twitching whenever she thought she saw a blonde approach her, basically…avoiding Arizona in general. Okay. So she wasn't really _okay_ per say but she was managing. She was _managing_. Callie had been icing her wound, numbing and neglecting it to an extent that she barely felt that part of her body. Yeap. Her heart was so numb, you could stick a fork in it and she wouldn't realize a thing. It's like when you sit on your leg so long while watching tv that when you get up you collapse to the floor cause you have absolutely no feeling left in it. You're forced to stand up and wobble a bit before you feel the blood rush back into your limb and then proceed cautiously, appreciating the newly rejuvenated feeling to your leg. This was the exact same thing for Callie, except instead of a leg, it was her heart and instead of just standing up from having collapsed, she was kinda just flailing on the ground, twitching occasionally but not really feeling anything beyond that.

Arizona's departure had left a crater-sized hole in Callie's heart. Everyday Callie woke up dead, unable to feel, unable to operate her emotions... the only time she felt anything was when she saw Arizona at a distance, then and only then would she feel the unmistakable clench to her heart, the twisting of her guts and the growing lump in her throat as she suffocated in her own pain, in the heartache of seeing the blonde peds surgeon smile as if there was nothing wrong at all. As if Callie's disappearance from her life was just as normal as the rain in Seattle. Arizona definitely seemed fine, and Callie knew that it was not her place to cry and break down when Arizona was the one who had been victimized by her actions.

But other than the occasional suicidal thoughts fuelled by pain and agony she was fine. Yeap, Callie was totally and completely fine. Or so she had been telling anyone caring enough, curious enough, stupid enough to ask. She was fine _okay_? She was FINE. Gritted teeth fine. That kinda of _fine. _

So on the fourteenth day after her heart was shattered, Calliope Iphigenia Torres stood at the counter of the nurse's station, wearing the emotional mask that she had crafted for the last two weeks which she liked to call the "fine Callie". Because she was fine. She was fine with the fact that Arizona and her had not talked in the last two weeks, the last fourteen days, the last three-hundred-thirty-six hours, she was fine. The truth was that she couldn't bring herself to talk to Arizona, she lost her voice whenever she was around her and she excused herself whenever Arizona joined her lunch table. Arizona's sparkling blue eyes, her wavy blonde hair, her cute dimples, they were threats to Callie's façade, Arizona alone held the power to tear down the walls Callie had painstakingly crafted around her and Callie felt herself crumbling every time she was near her.

Callie couldn't stand the look of hurt that Arizona shielded expertly from everyone, the look of pain that she alone could see in her girlfriend's crystal blue gaze. Arizona was good though, and even Callie could only rarely see these moments of weakness once or twice these last two weeks. To everyone else, Arizona might've looked normal even when she let slip her true emotions, but Callie saw a little more, she saw into the depths of her dull blue eyes that seemed to lose their sparkle as the days went on, she saw into the heartache that Arizona stubbornly pushed away, she saw the truth behind Arizona's thoughtful silences. Yet, on most days, Arizona looked so stoic, so normal, so unbothered by their break-up…Arizona almost seemed fine. So for two weeks, Callie did nothing but avoid her, it was like the start of their relationship again, with Callie avoiding Arizona after having been rejected. The great freakin' circle of life. A spinning wheel of fine-ness.

Callie was just finishing up her charts for the latest human pretzel that had come in this morning when she turned to see her lovely roommate, -I-Sleep-at-Owen's-every-night-Yang walk up to her with a jaw-dropping blonde following smugly beside her. Callie was mad at Cristina, Mark being gone and all, Cristina was pretty much the only person that Callie could turn to and the advice she mostly received from her was cynical at best.

As the pair approached closer, Callie couldn't help but let her gaze wander up and down the stranger's body as she visually scanned her long blonde hair, tight white blouse and short black skirt which accentuated her perfectly tanned legs. Callie couldn't help but notice the seductive raising of the eyebrow from the blonde at having caught Callie's blatant inspection of her body, but there was no anger or offense in her eyes, only amusement that must've adapted from desensitisation of this reception. For a second, Callie felt a burning sensation of guilt at having been captured by the woman's appearance only to discover an even greater mental punch to the stomach at the realization that she herself was no longer involved. She wasn't cheating. Callie was single. And furthermore she was fine. Something that could be taken on more than one level.

Narrowing her eyes at the blonde stranger who seemed to have been instructed to wait by an unenthused Cristina, Callie bit the top of her pen as she admired how muscular and sexy those legs looked on the new visitor. Her long wavy blonde hair that reached halfway down her arms was like white chocolate icing on this blonde candy bar. Callie was lost in the beauty of her blue eyes and…and…dimple. Callie felt herself tug out of her trance as her heart clenched. Callie felt a sting of pain ignite within her as her eyes frosted over. It had been a while since she had felt her heart triggered by a prompt of Arizona. Cristina had forced her to take all reminders of Arizona out of the apartment after she had cried for the fifth day in a row and blasted seasons 1-10 of FRIENDS at 3am at night.

Callie gulped as she closed her eyes, commanding her tears to recede as she summoned the numbing sensation that she had practiced for fourteen days to relieve her from her pain. _No, don't think about her._ Callie forced the image of the perky peds surgeon out of her mind. She can't break down… not here, not without the support of her six friends at Central Perk. No. She had to be fine Callie, she had to put on her mask. She couldn't allow herself to delve back into the cave of pain and agony from losing Arizona, to the dark hours she spent cradling herself as she drowned in her tears, from replaying their last moments together as she begged for her to stay. Callie opened her eyes, gulped down her tears and regained her composure.

"Hey Callie…Callie! Yo!" Cristina waved her hand in front of Callie's face to gain her attention.

"Huh..oh..what?" Callie replied, lazily, her eyes still leering curiously at the blonde's direction, who was now leaning against the wall of the hospital, texting furiously on her Blackberry, crossing her legs as she did so. Callie wondered if she herself could pull off a stance like that, the nonchalant sexiness radiated off of the stranger and the double-takes she got from a group of passing interns confirmed the fact that Callie was not alone in her trance.

"Uhh…look… I know that you're still in denial about Arizona…" Cristina began with hesitation in her tone…

"I'm not in denial." Callie snapped back instantly, knowing what Cristina was indicating before the conversation even reached that point. It had taken everything in her not to flinch at the name of her …ex-girlfriend. Then again, Cristina had made it clear to her these last two weeks that Callie was indeed suffering from break-up denial and that the numbing façade she was using definitely wasn't approved by Cristina and wouldn't be getting a Cristina Yang Seal of Approval any time soon.

"Right. So anyways…I have a surgery I need to scrub in on so I was wondering if you could help me out and take her…" Cristina pointed to the blonde in a rather disgruntled way.

"Oh you mean the sex on legs?" Callie inquired, wanting to show that she was fine with this rather crass coment, hating Cristina's constant warnings that she would be heading to the psych counsellor soon with the way she was just brazenly ignoring her pain over Arizona.

"Yeah. Sure. Whatever. Take her to Dr. Robbins. She's here to see her. I would do it myself, but you know how much that peds surgeon _loves _me and now that you guys aren't doing each other like bunnies she really has no need to put up with me. Plus I have a surgery…so yeah…all yours." Cristina motioned the blonde to come over before heading over towards the group of interns and ruthlessly herding them to the ER.

"Hi! So I'm guessing you're my new victim right?" The gorgeous blonde asked casually, giving Callie a smirk as she slid her blackberry back into her purse. The blonde gave Callie a piercing stare which rendered her wordless.

"Um…" Callie was in shock, both from the cleavage that was revealing itself tantalizingly from the blonde's blouse and from the weird question that had just been shot towards her.

"Whatever, I knew Little Ms. sunshine over there wasn't really going to waste her precious time taking me to Arizona. I think I did something to piss her off…" The blonde continued her playful smirk as she nodded towards the hall that Cristina had taken off of.

"Yeah. Don't worry about it, she does that to everyone. Cristina needs her dose of social cruelty to function. I'm thinking you were more of the victim in that scenario. Bitterness is like her trademark feature." Callie laughed, regaining her confidence and snapping out of her fourteen-year-old-pre-pubescent-boy-fascination.

"Ah... So kinda like how charming wit is your trademark feature. Interesting." the blonde flicked her hair as she delivered her subtle flattery. Callie maintained her composure as she leaned casually on the nurse's counter… _was the candy bar flirting with her? _Whatever it was, Callie wasn't one to back down from a verbal challenge.

"Nope. My trademark is poor decisions and incoherent spanish rants. Callie Torres." Callie stuck out her hand as she introduced herself to the blonde, who twisted her smirk higher as she reciprocated the handshake.

"Nadia Karella. Poor decisions huh? Well I can relate to that. And as for the spanish… well I always thought spanish was kinda sexy, _begged _my roommate back at Berkley to teach me some, so I know a thing or two." Nadia gave Callie a look which made her cheeks burn a little. Callie couldn't help but revel at how different Nadia's dimple looked, for one thing there was only ONE dimple, and it came out every now and then whenever she smirked. Arizona's dimples were cute, and perky and sunshiney. But there was something dark and twisty in Nadia's features that made her mysterious, and kinda smugly inscrutable.

"Berkley huh? So same as Arizona? So you guys were tight med school buddies?" Callie questioned, slowly noticing the closing proximity between her and Nadia. It was almost impossible to decipher whether she herself had gravitated towards the blonde stranger or if Nadia had inched in during the conversation.

"Oh…well Arizona and I had some wild times together, but being a gorgeous doctor like yourself you probably know what I'm talking about." Callie gulped. Yeap. That was definitely a more-than-friendly-comment. Nadia seemed to flick her eyes over Callie's features before leaning in closer and saying "but no I'm not a doctor… _bien, no durante el día de todos modos_…I'm an artist." Nadia whispered and Callie couldn't help but find herself stunned at the spanish that had flowed effortlessly and seductively out of her mouth. Knowing spanish herself, Callie never really understood why people thought it was sexy…but now…she might be more understanding…

"Um.. uhh did you just say…?" Callie coughed as she found herself flustered from Nadia's rather inappropriate spanish insinuation.

"That I'm an artist? Yeah. You should drop by my studio sometime, I think I could show you a good time…I'm _very _good…or so I've heard." Nadia innocently ignored Callie's question and pulled out her name card, sliding it into Callie's scrub pocket. Callie wondered silently how it must look to have this attractive blonde leaning so close to her. The nurses would have a field day with this gossip-inducing scene.

"Um…thanks, I will…I guess…but I've got some pretty huge cases and I just made a break-through on this liquid cartilage research I've been doing so I probably can't…" Callie heard herself ranting in response to the blonde's proximity, it was now reverted back to a respectable distance which was close, but not too close.

"Cartilage? So I'm guessing you're ortho right? I had a hunch since I saw your strong arms…" Nadia gripped Callie's biceps lightly and casually but it still made Callie gulp rather loudly. This did not go by unnoticed by Nadia, who now played up a dimple in her smirk. She liked the brunette in front of her and she loved the fact that her casual flirtatiousness was killing her as she continued, releasing her hold on Callie's arms. "With bone-breaking arms like this, you must make a fair share of people scream…" Nadia finished, looking seductively at the now blushing Callie.

"NADIA!" A painfully familiar voice called out as Arizona's figure quickly strode over towards the two of them. Arizona was wearing her hair in a ponytail and had her signature curls hanging casually infront of her face. Nadia stepped back into a more comfortable distance from the rather distraught Callie as she turned to give a huge grin to the newcomer who was inducing greater discomfort in the blushing ortho goddess.

"Arizona! You've finally decided to show up to the party eh? Your beautiful Spanish friend and I were just talking about your wild days at Berkely." Nadia gripped Callie's shoulder and squeezed quickly before letting go. Arizona's eyes narrowed and a flash of jealousy was quickly smothered by her usual cheery façade. Callie couldn't help but feel like she was just busted again for cheating… but this time, she knew it wasn't really that way. Nevertheless, it was weird to hear Arizona's voice again, feel her proximity and warmth so close to her… Callie forgot about the blonde completely as she felt the lump in her throat rise.

"Really? That's super! Absolutely…just…super! But I'm just curious…why exactly are you here when you should be at Berkley…doing…Berkley things?" Arizona questioned as Callie gazed into those mesmerizing blue eyes which looked oddly different. They looked so….tired, and somehow clouded as if countless sleepless nights had taken away a bit of the former joy. Arizona's voice was strained and a little higher than usual, a sign of discomfort Callie recognized immediately and wondered whether if it was Nadia or Callie herself who was inducing this awkward strain.

"Well Joanne called and told me that she's staying at the hospital for a bit and that the doctors told her to lay off the drinks and take it easy unless she wanted to puke her guts out again…and since she's off drinks and being healthy and weird, I thought I would come and pay you a visit. Think of me as a punishment for making Joanne officially converted to a boring, healthy, non-clubbing person. And besides, I need fun. I need to party and I've got a couple weeks off before I need to get back to work so I thought, who better to search up than the legendary AZ? I mean, if anyone knows their way around it's you… when I mentioned that I was coming to some of the Berkley girls, they all wanted to tag along… I mean, a lot of the girls have been looking for you, not everyone is as cool as me when it comes to being ditched the morning after..." Nadia was cut off by a panic-stricken Arizona who threw her hand and clapped Nadia rather hard on the back.

"Ahaha. Ha!…" Arizona's laughter was dripping with awkwardness, "I'm sure Calliope would love to stay and entertain the two of us, but she has a surgery to go to so why don't we take this conversation to the cafeteria…my treat!" Arizona smiled, forcing the bemused blonde towards the cafeteria doors.

Callie stood there frozen. It had been two long weeks since she last heard the name "Calliope" dance on Arizona's tongue…and as Callie stood there, trying to digest the information that had just been brought forth to her, she couldn't help but find her curiosity piqued by this Nadia Karella, who was now being towed away by a furious looking Arizona.


	9. Chapter 9

**Title: "Because of You I'm Breaking" [Chapter 9]**

Author: JCapzona

**Rating: **NC-17

**Pairing:** Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** All television shows and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings ext. are the properties of their respective owners. This work is non-profit and simply written for fun. Reference to persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be factual.

**Summary: **Don't tempt the sex on legs.

**Author's Note:** Voiceovers are back and ready to roll. Hope you guys like this one! McLovin' the rant reviews =) I enjoy ranting back responses so please keep them coming!! Special thanks to coliebearz who rewards me with uber updates on her own McAwesome fanfic "The Hundred-Acre Wood"! X) Scoreee!

*****Arizona voiceover: *** **_As children, we're taught to play fair, eat our vegetables and follow the rules. Don't pull your sister's hair. Don't run onto the road. Don't eat dessert before dinner. Don't jump on your bed. We're controlled by these rules, which force us to comply, force us to stifle the voice inside of us which tells us to do otherwise. As children, we follow the rules not because we want to, but because we have to… because grown ups? They're bigger and better and we're tiny and insignificant. And no matter how much we want to break the rules, no matter how desperate we are to eat ice cream before the yucky broccoli, we listen, we comply, we follow the orders we're given._

_This is not happening. This is not happening. This is not happening._ I gushed this thought through my head as I mentally flicked on the repeat button to sustain this contemplation. _This is not happening. This is not happening… _I felt myself ordering the halting of my synapses so that none of the contrasting thoughts could counter it..._This is not happening…This is not happening…_the thought that I was desperately pushing into my mind. _This is not happening. This is not happening. This is not happening. _

"AZ calm down okay…geesh, let go of the blouse! It's designer." Nadia whined as I continued to literally drag her by the collar of her white blouse.

I couldn't believe it. My life is crumbling around me. Yeap. Pure crumbling. Crumbling like a cookie. Crumbling.

I thought back to the look on Callie's face moments before as Nadia had ranted about my Berkley antics… did she figure out about my past? Maybe…maybe she missed it… or maybe it'll rain ice cream tomorrow. Yeap…who am I kidding? Callie totally caught it. Every. Freakin'. Word. I glared at the struggling Nadia as I pulled her close to the cafeteria doors, passing my reflection on the metal shelf in one of the open storage rooms.

I saw the reflection of a worn-out blonde, the wary dimples that seemed to have lost its glow, the murky blue eyes that stared despairingly back. The two sleepless weeks I had suffered had taken a toll on me. The hurt and anguish I felt every second had mauled my heart and darkened my aura… rendering me a mere shadow of who I used to be. I stopped and loosened my grip on Nadia as I thought back to the memory that I have replayed time and time again since its occurrence two weeks ago…the night I broke up with Calliope.

I remember the misery and confusion that had surged through me that day, the perspectives I had contemplated before I said those words. Those words that had shattered my heart to say, those words that dragged the bitter remains of my heart across the floor and those words that stabbed it repeatedly. Those words that ended my relationship with Calliope…those words…that I could never take back.

I could still visualize Calliope's expression break down as she had that gut-wrenching realization…_omg…you're breaking up with me… _I shook my head as tears flooded my vision, gulping down the tears as I swallowed my emotions. I can't….I can't break down… I had tried so hard these last two weeks. Fighting to keep my serenity, not letting any emotion slip, cooping up my tears, my anguish, my pain until I was in the safe isolation of my bedroom, only then could I drop the façade of the cheery Arizona Robbins, only then could I embrace the heartache that made every breath a challenge, every swallow a pain-inducing sentence.

"So are we going in the cafeteria or what?" Nadia griped, snapping my attention back to the can of worms who was impatiently playing with her hair in front of me.

"NADIA. WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?" I yelled, ignoring the curious glances that were now being thrown towards me from the passing hospital staff entering the cafeteria doors.

"What was what!? God AZ you seriously need to chill out… do you need a paper bag or something?" Nadia smirked, bemused at the expression of horror and anger that must've dominated my expression. She continued to mock the action of blowing into an invisible bag as she cupped her hands around her mouth, huffing up her cheeks as she did so.

"Nadia... You can't strut here out of nowhere and go and...and…and...SPEW stupid facts about me at Berkley! God! You are so unfreakin' believable I cannot BELIEVE this!" I screamed in a forced whisper, glaring at her with widened eyes.

Unfazed, she merely continued her stupid smirk which she wore so seductively. Of course. This was _Nadia_, she exuded sex without trying, I remember.

"Oh come on AZ, I hadn't even skimmed the SURFACE of your legacy. And besides, you've been hiding out here at Seattle for two years now, I'm sure you've made your rounds with the hotties already… bet your gorgeous friend Callie over was one of the first to see your departing ass the morning after." Nadia looked rather bored as she spoke to me, completely unconcerned with my barrage of verbal attacks.

I cringed at the truth behind her words… my eyes flashed guiltily as I thought back to the way I had left Calliope that last morning we spent together…the moment that I realized I couldn't forgive her for what she had done with Mark. I felt a stream of tears well in my eyes as I choked back the pain that was surging through me… I remember the anguish and grief of being with Calliope that night, but not really being _there. _I was scared then, I felt…so disconnected…and Calliope felt so far away even though she was right beside me then. I closed my eyes as I commanded my tears to retreat. Nadia mistook my rush of emotion as anger towards her words.

"Oh. So did I touch a nerve? Do you have a thing for the curvy brunette? Well… I must say, I'm surprised you didn't hit that one up first, she's quite the looker… the hospital must be overflowing with gorgeous nurses for you to miss that one." Nadia bit down on her lip as she put on a thoughtful expression.

". NO..no..no,no,no… I know what you were doing back there Nadia, I know EXACTLY what you were doing, but no. You don't get to work your charm into Calliope okay, take your sexual energy and direct it to someone else. Stay away from her. Stay the HELL away from Calliope." I grinded my teeth menacingly and watched as Nadia tilted her head to the side, evaluating my words.

"_Calliope_ huh? So you haven't been able to get in her pants AND you have a school girl crush on her? What is this AZ? I must say I'm disappointed in the legend, you're proving to be quite the disappointment… you were much, _MUCH _more attractive that night at the bar when you offered to buy me a drink…that is, before you took off the morning after…" Nadia began, perking up her dimple as she pursed her lips, tilting her head to the side again as she looked at me with a bemused expression.

"Ok. First of all, STOP that. Stop the dimple, pursed lip, tilting head move. I _invented _that move so I know when it's being used on me. And furthermore, don't use it on Callio…Callie. Get the hell away from her. She's…not that type…so just…just leave her alone. Second. I am not trying to _get in her pants_ okay…we….we broke up… two weeks ago…so just...do me a favour and leave her alone. Leave her….alone." I found myself subconsciously pushing Nadia to the corner of the wall, a look of revelation came upon her eyes and a roguish glare replaced the confusion that had been on her face moments ago.

"You guys _broke up_?" Nadia chuckled before continuing, "Since _when _did AZ stick around long enough the morning after to even find out the name of her victims, let alone date them _AND _'_break up'_ with them!? I mean, how long did you guys date? One night? Or was she so damn good that you stuck around for a week?" Nadia had pushed away from the wall now and as coolly standing with poise, empowered by the fact that I was too crippled by the heartache of talking about Callie to advance upon her menacingly anymore.

"I….don't do that anymore…I don't make _rounds _anymore Nadia…. Calliope and I dated for almost a year and half…before we broke up…" I averted my gaze from a shocked Nadia, who for once, was wordless. I blinked back some tears at the thought of the break-up and looked up with renewed determination. I had to get her out of here. I just had to. Nadia seemed to be taken aback by my look momentarily but then quickly reverted back to her smug composure.

"Well…she must be a rock star in bed then." Nadia whispered as I gave her my best that-is-so-inappropriate-look.

Of all the girls at Berkely, I just _had _to hit on her. Super. Just…super.

"Nadia…I swear to god, if you even _try_anything on Calliope, I will come and kick your ass." I threatened with a voice that dripped with icy coldness. Nadia pouted as she gave me a look of pure aggravation, like a toddler who had their lollipop ripped from their mouth. Then in an instant, Nadia pulled on her head tilting charm and refreshed her features with a seductively alluring smirk. I turned around to see what she had re-directed her attention to. Calliope was approaching us with a nervous look on her face. Great. Just…great.

* * *

"Soooo… how do you guys know each other" Callie asked apprehensively as the three of them sat around one of the tables at the hospital cafeteria.

"Nadia lived across the hall from my dorm. Yeap. Across..the..the...hall. Roomies…we're roomies." Arizona jumped to answer the question before Nadia could pull the pudding-filled spoon out of her mouth. Arizona glared at Nadia, daring her to say otherwise to the story.

"Yeah… what she said" Nadia said robotically as she dipped her spoon into the chocolate pudding, eliciting a look of vehemence from Arizona.

Callie sat on the opposite side of the table as she watched the unspoken conversation between the nervous wreck, aka-her-ex-girlfriend-Arizona and the nonchalantly irresistable Nadia. This was awkward…there was no getting around that. Callie was doing his best to avert her eyes from Arizona, no contact for two weeks and then suddenly a forced lunch party suggested by this hot new blonde stranger...

Three solid minutes of silence later, Nadia stepped into the rink to break up the silence. "Hey Cals, how did you meet my buddy AZ here?" Arizona twitched in annoyance at the casual use of this new nickname.

"Uh…well we were at Joe's across the street…it's a bar…" Callie explained, looking anywhere but Arizona.

"_Really _I can't say I'm surprised, AZ had _quite_ the rep for hitting up the bars back at Berkley. People think she likes to drink but what they don't know is that she's just there for the… OW!" Nadia's speech was stopped by a swift kick in the shins by Arizona.

Momentarily stunned by the pain, Nadia cursed under her breath as Arizona shot daggers at her, resentment flashed dangerously through her crystal blue eyes. Callie merely looked at Arizona and for the first time ever, their eyes locked in a moment of silence…a beautiful, heartfelt moment that was interrupted promptly by Nadia.

"What I mean to ask… was _what _did Arizona say to you when you first met?" Nadia smirked as she pushed the conversation in another direction. Nadia knew all of Arizona's pick-up lines but it still intrigued her to know what Arizona used on this "serious" relationship of hers. Arizona carried on with her look of pain as she surveyed the conversation in silence… cursing the fact that Nadia had shifted in her seat so that her leg was now out of reach. Arizona's final weapon had been obliterated.

"Uh….well she didn't really say anything…we were in the bar bathroom….she kinda introduced herself and then….umm…kissed me….." Callie mumbled the last words as she stared a hole into the cafeteria table, wishing she had called in sick today.

"Wow. _AZ. _Always were upfront weren't you? Then again, _subtle _was never your special feature… so Cals, on a scale of one to ten, how good was AZ that night?" Nadia asked as she continued her pudding unfazed.

Arizona nearly spat out the sandwich she was working on, choking on it unceremoniously. Nadia continued to stare curiously at Callie as if this question was the most socially appropriate form of interaction she could have with someone she just met. Lazily, Nadia handed Arizona a bottle of water without taking her eyes off Callie. Arizona gulped down the water as she struggled to regain her composure, she was literally tongue-tied.

Callie was on her own. Awkward was an understatement at this point.

"Um… I don't know… we didn't spend the night together" Callie mumbled as she looked up at the ceiling, silently wishing the roof would collapse on her.

"So…you guys did it…ON THE DIRTY BATHROOM FLOOR!? AZ! I thought you didn't do that anymore!" Nadia turned to Arizona with a smug smirk. Arizona looked like she wanted to hit Nadia, but she thought better of it and smiled uncomfortably towards Callie, knowing that the situation was beyond redemption. Clenching her jaw as she concentrated on forcing her blood to stop its gradual boil, Arizona scolded with an expression of extreme misery,

"Nadia! I promise you if you don't shut up I will hit you on the face with a brick… we DIDN'T sleep together okay…not that night. I just kissed her. And WHY THE HELL is that even relevant to anything. Go…go get more pudding _PLEASE_." Arizona moaned as she gave Nadia a look that seemed induce pain.

"Pfft. Lame. Frankly AZ, I'm disappointed. If I had Cals in a dirty bar bathroom…" Nadia turned towards Callie and pursed her lips in a flirtatiously provocative way "I would do _much_ _more_ than give her a kiss…"

Arizona literally wrenched Nadia out of her seat and bulldozed her towards the table littered with pudding on the other side of the cafeteria. Cursing under her breath, Arizona returned to face her stunned ex-girlfriend who was struggling between the millions of questions she had and being crushed by the awkward tension that lingered on the lunch table.

"Calliope…" Arizona whispered, water in her eyes. "I am soo sorry… don't….don't think about what Nadia said…she's…. just ignore it…I'm sorry we ruined your lunch…. This must be the worst meal you've ever had to sit through…I'm really…_REALLY _sorry." Arizona finished as she bit her lip, she wanted to say more, because she _was _sorry…for more than just Nadia…but she knew better and so she turned away from her ex-girlfriend and swiftly made her way towards the grinning Nadia.

"Arizona…" Callie whispered at the blonde figure who was already halfway across the cafeteria. Arizona was wrong… this was the best lunch she's had in two weeks…and it wasn't because of Nadia.

* * *

Arizona was mentally chastising herself with every step she took towards Nadia, who was now flirting with an intern on the other side of the cafeteria. _Awesome. Just SUPER._ _Arizona, you brought this upon yourself. You know what she's like. You know how crazy she can be. And yet you let her talk to your ex-girlfriend who you are so completely hung up on. Yeap good call Arizona. Yeap. Just super. _

"Nadia…what the hell." Arizona whispered dangerously as she stepped between the bewildered looking intern and the bored-looking blonde.

"Uhh…I'm having a conversation here AZ. Jeesh, how rude." Nadia mocked offense as she rolled her eyes.

Arizona was not in the mood for games. _Nope. Na-uh. No._ "Take a hike" she snarled uncharacteristically to the frightened intern. He did not need to be told twice.

"Geesh AZ you're worst tempered than back at Berkl…"

"Uh… _SHUT UP_! Shut the hell up with the stories about Berkeley Nadia! I have had it up to HERE with you and your stupid stories about who you think I am and who I was at Berkeley. Cause news flash!" Arizona yelled, angling her chin to the right menacingly, "we're NOT at Berkley anymore. So nope. Na-uh. NO. You're NOT going to tell the entire hospital about AZ this and AZ that. OKAY!?"

"Wow. You really like that one don't you?" Nadia whispered, thoughtfully looking through Arizona's fury.

"...I do…" Arizona surrendered, looking back towards Callie who was staring at her lunch platter in silence, the thousands of questions she had seemed to be rendering her motionless.

Nadia followed her gaze, "but you guys broke up right?"

Arizona did not miss Nadia's mischievously calculating tone, matching the glint in her crystal blue eyes which were currently occupied checking out Callie as she swept up and down the brunette's body with her gaze.

"Yeah we did…but that doesn't mean you can just sweep in Nadia…you don't get to do that…not here at Seattle…NO." Arizona stared at Nadia, fully aware of the fact that her acquaintance's attention was still completely stuck on Callie.

"You can't tell me what to do AZ. You're not the boss of me. The way I see it she's fair game…" Nadia whispered seriously, a hint of hunger flashing in her eyes.

"Nadia. NO!" Arizona's pager went off and interrupted their discussion. 911. "I have to go… but STAY AWAY Nadia. I am not freakin' kidding with you on this one. Stay away."

"You're making her forbidden fruit AZ. And that just makes her that much more luscious…" Nadia sang gently.

If looks could kill, Nadia would be twitching on the cafeteria ground right there and then. Arizona bit her lip as she looked down at her annoying pager yet again, it was still flashing _911_. She had no choice, she would have to leave Nadia…with a defenseless Calliope. Yeap she was screwed. Yeap…yeap, so freakin' screwed. For a minute, Arizona seriously mulled over going up to Callie and telling her to run. Nadia was ruthless whenever she wanted something…or someone. But…what could Arizona say? She wasn't her girlfriend anymore… she wasn't even her Calliope Torres….she was just…Callie Torres. She had no right to go trudging in, no reason to stop Nadia from…_befriending _her. She didn't want Calliope to think that she was being protective, shielding her like she owned her….she had no right.

Nadia seemed to sense the inner conflict that was running through Arizona's mind. With a smirk she tapped the _911 _that was blinking on the surgeon's pager. Arizona slowly turned and reluctantly made her way to the exit of the cafeteria. _You can't do anything about it Arizona… just go…You can't do anything about it…you guys aren't dating anymore…._these thoughts ran through her head as she stepped towards the exit. Just as Arizona placed her hand on the cold metal door she heard Nadia's voice yell behind her.

"Hey AZ!"

Arizona turned to face the smirking blonde and even as the pounding hatred and annoyance surged through her mind at the sight of her antagonist, she couldn't help but notice the perfectly tanned legs that Nadia had always flaunted around.

Nadia titled her head tantalizingly on the side and flashed a seductively irresistible dimpled-smirk, "Game on AZ. Game. On."

*****Arizona voiceover: *** **_As we get older, we start fighting back. We don't like it when people set rules for us and we make sure they know it. We start doing the opposite of what people tell us. We fight back. We rebel. And as if to make up for the torture we received as children, we do everything that they don't want us to. Because this feeling of choice? This feeling of victory? We love it. We thrive on it. And the more they tell us no? The more they ask us not to? The more we want to do it. Because rules?…they were made to be broken._


	10. Chapter 10

**Title: "Because of You I'm Breaking" [Chapter 10]**

Author: JCapzona

**Rating: **NC-17

**Pairing:** Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** All television shows and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings ext. are the properties of their respective owners. This work is non-profit and simply written for fun. Reference to persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be factual.

**Summary: **The beginning of the end. [Part A]. "A" for Arizona's story.

**Author's Note:** A rather rare, longer update than usual…don't judge Arizona too harshly…remember, you still haven't heard what happened with Nadia and Callie. And plus, Callie and Arizona are broken up remember? Yeap…I need to defend Arizona…always…cause it legitimately hurts me to see her criticized…and I forsee some condemnation coming. So before you pound out hateful spite directed to Arizona, consider the other end of the spectrum…which might not be as pretty as this one…Hopefully, this chapter keeps you satiated for some time while I hammer out the events that went on between Nadia/Callie.

*****Arizona's voiceover: *****_Demented. Maniacal. Rabid. These are the words we use to describe the crazy, the people who go beyond the boundaries of the ordinary. The ones who make you question their mental stability through questionable actions that either carry no regard for danger or show very little care towards it. Mental. Lunatic. Deranged. It's hard for us to understand this raw sense of hazard, this incomparable need to soar out of our comfort zone, an immunity to reality that ought to stay with our youthful days. So it comes as a shock. An unrecognizable slap on the face. An impulsive twist to the story. What do we do when we find ourselves seduced by the thrill of the ride, falling irrevocably in love with the raving vulnerability that comes with living life on the edge? What do we do when we're still addicts of insanity…even__** after**__ growing up?_

The sunlight ruthlessly engulfed my eyes as my pupils shrank in complete submission. Normally, I would be effervescent at the touch of the blaring afternoon sun, but the recent events in my life had exhausted much of my exhilaration towards anything. With a sigh, I stepped back into my nightmare, treading carefully through the automatic hospital doors. Standing at the entrance in my turquoise shirt and dark grey wool blazer, I felt a rush of relief flow through my body from the initial touch of SGMW's air conditioning. For a long minute, I wondered why I was here on my day off. Then it hit me…Joanne.

Day's off were rare for ped surgeons, or any surgeons for that matter, and for me to have three days off… well, amazing would be an understatement. It was pretty weird though, normally, taking three days off would require puppy dog eyes, repeated requests, and paperwork…yeap, lots and lots of paperwork…but this time was different. Derek, the chief, had just come up to me and told me to take a couple days off. I had no idea where it came from, but I was tired…really tired…so no further questions were asked.

The *ding* that accompanied the opening of the elevator doors snapped me out of my thoughts, I entered with my shoulders somewhat slumped and pressed the button to Joanne's floor. She had been living on the third floor for two weeks, after recovering from her alcohol poisoning, she had been diagnosed with liver damage, thankfully, it was caught early on and wasn't overly detrimental. Joanne was getting discharged today and had asked me to spend a couple days with her to celebrate her "release into the wild". Her words, not mine. I stared at my black Converses as I waited impatiently for the elevator doors to close, blowing a stray blonde curl from my face as a puffed out in boredom. For some reason, I just didn't feel like wearing wheelie sneaks these days. I haven't skated around for almost two weeks now. Not since my break-up with Calliope.

After a decade of ramming the close button with my fingers, the elevator doors finally began to move to a close rather agonizingly slowly.

"WAIT!WAIT!WAIT!WAIT!WAIT!WAIT!" A voice slurred out from the distance. I felt my body freeze as I recognized the voice instantly. It was the voice I heard time and time again in my dreams, the voice I woke up to and kissed for the last year and a half…a voice that used to brighten my day and twirl butterflies in my stomach…a voice I now feared to hear.

I am seriously the most unfortunate person in the world. Yeap, I am. How…wonderful.

Calliope's arm was flung in-between the elevator doors, stopping them in their tracks and forcing them to rebound back into its origins. Yay. Just…yay.

"Thanks! Sorry about ….that…." Calliope worded breathlessly as she slowly identified the occupant of the elevator she had just stopped. Bet she wish she waited for the next elevator now.

"Hey." I mumbled awkwardly, rolling my eyes to the top corner of the elevator as Calliope stepped in beside me, determined to focus her eyes on anything but me.

"Uh…hi…you have a day off too?" Calliope murmured, pointing towards my non-scrubs attire. She was wearing her black leather jacket and red top, it was her favourite combination…I guess she had a day off too. The last time she had worn that combination we had laughed at how badass it made her look…a conversation which led to the removal of those clothes…

"Yeap…three days…" I whispered, blinking back tears as I thought back to the memory, it seemed like forever since I last kissed her, last felt her squirm playfully in my arms as I ran my lips down her neck, rubbing her back through her leather jacket.

"Oh…same…you don't think Derek heard about..." Calliope began, verbalizing the thought that was running through my mind. Of course. Why hadn't I realized? People talk. People talk...so he must've heard about our break up...yeap. that's why we both got three days...three, long, days that came with a price. The break-up special. Yeap. That's brilliant…truly…brilliant. I mentally kicked myself for not realizing sooner.

"Oh I guess so...so what...what are you doing at the hospital?" I asked Calliope quietly, why was the elevator taking so long to reach the third floor today... of all days. It had to be this one. Super.

"Oh...um...I'm actually meeting someone here....for...um..." Calliope's eyes were downcast, her cheeks blushing furiously as she awkwardly held her breath, her mouth pouting uncomfortably, something she always did when she had a frog in her throat. I opened my mouth to ask the question I thought I knew the answer to but before I could press for more information the elevator doors dinged open. Someone was standing on the other side.

"CALS! TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH! LET'S GO!"

Nadia.

* * *

"CALS! Come on! Let's go!" Nadia rushed impatiently, crossing her arms as she stood in the elevator, jamming her finger on the open button as she waited for Calliope to re-enter.

"Arizona..." Calliope had grabbed my arm as I stepped out of the elevator. I felt my body give an unexpected shiver from her touch.

"What!?" I snapped, uncharacteristically coldly. I only realized how harsh my response was when I turned to look at the hurt in Calliope's eyes, its maroon darkness was watery and filled with unrelenting misery.

"Um...nothing...I just wanted to let you know that Nadia and I are going..." Calliope sputtered disconsolately.

"You don't...don't have to explain to me who you go out with..." I whispered, my eyes mirroring the unseen tears in Calliope's as my voice quivered from the hurt I was feeling. Why am I doing this? We were broken up... I had no right to be upset... but it was Calliope...and the green-eyed monster inside me stirred at the sight of her leaving with Nadia, who was dressed in an unnecessarily tight and short black dress that pushed her cleavage into full view, dividing the attention between that and her gorgeously tanned legs which were fitted into black and white pumps. Whore.

Nadia's eyes flickered from mine to Calliope's, wordlessly evaluating the scene before her.

After a moment of silence, I tore away from Calliope's grip and headed towards Joanne's room, as I turned the corner, I realized that the elevator had thudded to a close, taking Nadia and Calliope with it.

* * *

I slid my body against the door of room 335 as I crossed my arms, torn between amusement and empathy for the figure who was leaning over the hospital bed. Joanne was currently facing the other direction, unaware of my presence as she jumped on her weathered camping bag, stuffing a barrage of improperly folded clothing into the opening of her mobile wardrobe. Her light brown hair was perfectly straightened, it was naturally elegant, a feature I had always been jealous of, even when we were just kids. I tucked my own unruly blonde curl out of my face (which I had tied up in a messy ponytail today) as I looked at Joanne's unceasing efforts... she was never the most brilliant at packing and as I surveyed her in silence, I couldn't help but remember the conversation we had when I had towed her home from Joe's that night...a conversation that was never brought up afterwards...I silently wondered if she even remembered...

"UGGGHHHH I HATE YOU STUPID BAG! YOU SUCK! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!" Joanne hollered before slumping onto the hospital bed. Gazing at the ceiling as she kicked her worn out backpack onto the ground, spilling out some of the contents.

"You know. Talking to inanimate objects is a good way to guarantee a one-way ticket to the psych ward." I laughed as Joanne sprung out of bed with the hugest grin ever. You gotta hand it to her, two weeks of liver damage recovery didn't even faze her, she was still had her insane zest for life. Her dimples revealed themselves instantly and it brought a smile to my face...the _Joanne effect. _

"ZONI! You're finally here!" she bounced towards me and leapt over like Tigger on Prozac.

"Yay! I know! And you're still not packed!? What have you been doing this whole morning? I mean, besides stuffing excessively unfolded clothes into your bag...and failing." I admonished as I picked up her bag. It was a lot heavier than it used to be.

"Uhhh for _your information,_ I was ACTUALLY packing before Nadia came and made me listen to her rant on and on and on about her date..." Joanne rolled her eyes as she gathered the clutter that had spilt from the floor, shoving it into a garbage bag and tying it to the side of her bag as I supported it with my knee, its weight was not to be underestimated.

"Can we not...talk about Nadia. Please?" I muttered, highly grateful that Joanne didn't press on. It was a gift that she always had. A sense of understanding, a feel for what I was feeling without my having to express it in words. She always knew when I didn't want to elaborate on a topic and she always respected that. Guess it comes with growing up together.

"Okayyyy...all set!" Joanne grinned proudly as she took hold of the bag again, a newly produced and rather ugly garbage bag was tied hastily on the side of it, barely holding the contents that she had failed to force into the camping bag itself.

"Uhh...are you just going to leave your bag of crap hanging like that? And where did you get all this stuff from? I thought you were _incarcerated _these last two weeks?" I questioned, eyeing the droopy garbage bag distrustfully.

"Dr. Hunt got some stuff for me. He's a nice guy." Joanne smiled broadly as she pushed me towards the door. "Let's go! Time's a wastin' Zoni!"

* * *

I cautiously reopened my eyes after the screeching of my car tires had dissipated into Joanne's laughter as she made yet another abrupt turn, twisting the driving wheel like a mad man.

"What the HELL was that Joanne! Omg. Remind me how I let you talk me into giving you my keys." I screamed, horrified at the sight of the speedometer as Joanne smirked at my fear. I cannot believe I agreed to let her drive. Any other person in the world would question if she was sober, but I knew better. This _WAS _Joanne sober, she didn't need drugs or alcohol, she was high on life. Always seeking thrills, always taking risks, it fed her need to feel adrenaline every second... and it was one of the things that attracted me to her back in the day.

I surveyed the driver silently as her face twisted into an insanely infectious smirk, the corners of her lips twisting with delight at every turn of the car, her light brown hair accentuated her sparkling eyes which were shouting for joy. Ten years had done nothing to her charmingly demented need for adventure. She was the same. The same irresponsible Joanne who I had once fallen head over heels for. The same Joanne that had left me to explore. The same Joanne that had broken my heart.

"Oh lighten up Zoni! And quit gripping the seat for dear life, RELAX! I'm an _excellent_ driver and I promise you that these three days will be the most awesome adventure of your life!" Joanne yelled rather loudly, her voice projected from her bubbling exhilaration.

"Uhh.._what _three days? I said I would hang out for ONE day. ONE. Not three days. Na-uh. No. NO WAY." I pouted, crossing my arms as I yelped out loud, jumping from another close call. We had just missed a telephone pole, Joanne was destroying my Jeep. Yeap. My beautiful, beautiful forest green Jeep Wrangler.

"WHAT!? Nooooo you said you would spend a _couple days _with me! A _couple days_ is not ONE day. And besides this will be super fun! You need something to cheer you up since the whole Callie thing anyways...Nadia told me about it... you need some time off Zoni, or you'll be like a rubber band stretched too tightly...and..." Joanne made a popping nice by pressing and releasing her lips.

"Argh. I hate you." I moaned, not wanting to think about Nadia or Calliope while I was in the death seat of the car.

"Oh whatever Zoni, despite my crazy flaws, you know you still love me." Joanne smirked, staring intently at the road.

I sunk deeper in my seat, wondering silently if this was indeed true.

* * *

"You know, hiking is a really healthy sport." Joanne smugly commented as we climbed over the fallen stump that cascaded across our path lazily.

"You know what....shut up." I moaned, pushing away the branches that were clouding my head as we plummeted into the forest further yet.

"Oh come now, we've only been hiking for a bit! And I'm the one with the huge bag! If you're good I'll give you some candy!" Joanne sung playfully as she jumped over a particularly gross-looking slug that looked like it had barfed before it got smushed.

"We've been hiking for five hours now. AFTER A FREAKIN' LONG DRIVE all the way to OREGON. I MEAN. WHY OREGON!? It's DARK out! I can barely see! Where exactly are we going anyways? Do you even know where you parked the JEEP? Argh I hate it when you get all hiker on me!" I grumbled as I surveyed the dark road in front of us, the only light was coming from the flashlights that both Joanne and I held.

"Geesh Zoni, some things never change do they... whiny as usual...how do your kids in the peds wing put up with you!"

"For your information, everyone loves me!" I yelled as I pulled my converses out of the muddy puddle that I had just managed to plunge in. Yay. Super.

"Me too"

"What?"

"I said we're here." Joanne yelled from a rocky ledge above me. I swore I heard her say something else but my relief from coming out of the forest growth and into the opening pushed all other thoughts out of my mind. I could see the night sky around us. Gorgeously breath-taking was the starry ceiling that now hung exotically above us, I could see the glimmer of water not far below the edge of the rocky ledge we were on. It was...and I hate to say it…breath-taking.

I took a seat on the ledge, grateful for a rest. As Joanne dug through her pack, I started looking for a spot to set up camp.

"What are you doing?" Joanne questioned, raising an eyebrow as I pointed my flashlight here and there, trying to find a nice spot to set our tent up.

"Uhh...looking for a spot to sleep Christopher Columbus. What do you think?" I groaned, sometimes Joanne can be so ridiculous.

"We're not sleeping here."

"What!?" I screamed, shock and disappointment crippling my existence.

"We're not sleeping here."

"Where are we sleeping then?"

"Up there." Joanne pointed to a ledge higher than us by a good ten metres.

"Umm...why?" I moaned, knowing this argument was a lost cause. Joanne always had a way to get me to do the things she wanted. It's a Joanne thing.

"Because! It's more fun there. And prettier." Joanne took out a rock climbing harness as she expertly climbed into it, then she grabbed another one out and walked towards me.

"Oh..no..no..no. . No. Freakin' Way." I stepped back as she put on her puppy dog eyes. I couldn't help but swallow a smile which was now tugging at the edges of my lips, it felt like forever since I last saw her puppy dog eyes… Joanne was…something…

"but Zoni...you PROMISED...you PROMISED to hang out and do whatever I wanted once I got better!" Joanne blinked her eyes pitifully as she quivered her lips....pulling an irresistibly adorable look. Seriously. If people thought I pulled it off well, they hadn't met the master.

"FINE. God. I hate OWEN HUNT for buying you this crap. I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind when I get back to Seattle Grace." I groaned as Joanne began to buckle the harness around me. I felt myself shudder as her hand grazed my skin. Not wanting to seem obvious, I passed it off as a shiver to the coldness that was setting in. Joanne merely continued, ignoring my obvious reaction to her touch and my blushing cheeks that were thankfully shielded by the blanket of darkness.

"We are going up Zoni. Along those ledges, remember how to climb?" Joanne asked, a serious look finally surfacing on her features. She always got all hardcore and serious when it came to rock climbing…it was bit of a turn on actually, her muscular arms, her innate need to climb anything that was remotely scalable…She was always much better than me but she always insisted on dragging me along...back when we were still dating.

I _had _to date the sexy rock climber. Yeap. Good Job Arizona. Good freakin' job. Super.

"Yes, grip with my arms and then adjust the feet, test each step out before making the lunge...I know...you always drone on and on about this..." I groaned as Joanne gave me a look of surprise.

"You still remember..." her eyes twinkled as I looked away, realizing only then that it had been a good ten years since we last did this and I really shouldn't have been able to recall a memory like that so instantaneously.

Joanne's eyes watered a bit before she turned towards the ledge, attaching the flashlight to her helmet and doing the same to mine before locking it in place in my head.

"I know why your bag is so heavy now" I mumbled unappreciatively as she patted my helmet, as if I was ten and just finished rather impressive homework.

"Cause it's full of joy and wonders!" Joanne perked up and grinned. The glow on her features could've replaced the flashlight now strapped onto my helmet.

"No. It's full of torture and pain." I retorted as we made our way to the top.

* * *

I woke up the next morning with a sore body that could only come from sleeping on a rocky ledge out in the middle of nowhere. The tent was paper thin and I was freakin' cold. I needed an Advil. Badly.

I looked out beside me to see that Joanne had already packed her sleeping bag and was probably outside climbing a tree or something maniacal like that. I felt my muscles ache as I arched my back, pain shooting up my body as I felt the numbness of my butt from an entire night of sleeping on a rock. A rock. Yeap. A ROCK!

I twisted in my sleeping bag as I huddled in my own body heat, turning to face the empty spot beside which had occupied Joanne last night. I was grateful that Joanne didn't bring alcohol since she can't drink anymore, doctor's orders. So instead of drinking all night, we spent the time talking about the things that we spent the last ten years doing, catching up on each other I guess...nothing serious, just light comments, like where Joanne went during the years and how frustrated I was that time when I had Yang on my service. It was almost as if we didn't want to go too deep into the wounds that still lay fresh from ten years ago, from her breaking up with me to travel...and to the more recent revelation of her profession of her love to me, under the influence of god knows how many shots of tequila of course.

I would never admit this to Joanne, but I wouldn't have trusted myself with alcohol around her... something about her drew me in... there was something irresistible about her optimism, her perkiness, her dimples, her flair, her perfectly hazel eyes...best to play it safe and maintain a distance, something that I was careful to do whenever it seemed like we were getting too close. Joanne seemed to respect my need to keep a personal bubble around her and she in turn stayed a friendly distance, close... but not uncomfortably so.

I groaned as I nestled myself inside my sleeping bag deeper. Blinking my eyes at the murky light around me I flicked on the light on my cell phone to see _5:30am _displayed before me. YipPee. I thudded my face back onto into the nook of my sleeping bag, happy to be away from Joanne's overly enthusiastic voice which will probably jump in at any time now, all shrill and rabid at having caught fish or seen the sun rise or something that normal people should not be doing at 5:30 am.

"Zoni! WAKE UP!"

"Nooooo...go away...I'm a cocoon of warmth...waiting to morph into a butterfly and fly home..leavemealone..." I grumbled as Joanne popped her head into the tent.

"WAKE UP SLEEPY HEAD!" Joanne grinned, looking as refreshed as ever as she saddled me on top of my sleeping bag. I felt myself stiffen within my cocoon, which no longer felt as safe as it did moments ago.

"Zoni! Wakey Wakey!" Joanne sung playfully as she began to lean in on me.

I jumped up abruptly, blushing a little bit. Why did she have this effect on me.

"Oww! Way to not give me any warning jerk!" Joanne moaned as she rubbed her arm which she had inadvertently crushed after falling off from me.

"Serves you right jolly pocket postman!" I grinned, trying to cover my burning cheeks as I rubbed my eyes, feigning the after-effects of sleep. I looked at Joanne, she had perfectly straightened hair, I swear she hides a flat iron somewhere. No one should look that good after waking up in the morning. I only knew one person who did, but she was back in Seattle doing god knows what right now.

* * *

"Hey...uhh...where's our stuff?" I asked, returning to an empty ledge after having gone to the washroom in the woods-another delectably awesome perk of being forced to camp in the woods with a slightly deranged person.

The tent was gone. The sleeping bags were gone. Even the camping bag was gone. The only thing left was the impish grin on Joanne's perniciously mischievous expression.

"Don't need them." She replied simply, looking calm, cool and collected. This was bad.

"WHAT are you talking about? My keys were in there...my...my...money was in there...the lunch and food and EVERYTHING...was in there...there were protein bars...and..and...sandwiches...and...and..." I rambled in fright and confusion as I desperately paced around the small rocky ledge. There was nothing. All I could see was the brilliant blue waters that lay twenty metres or so beneath us.

"Zoni, relax. The bag's right there." I gulped and swore out loud the second Joanne pointed...towards the ocean.

"You're kidding. Right?" I knew she wasn't kidding. At this point, I knew I was screwed. I looked down to find the camping bag floating, a mere speck by the beachy shore.

"Nope. I'm not kidding. And you know how we're going to get it?" Joanne asked teasingly as she began to strip off her clothes. Within seconds she was standing there in her black underwear and bra.

She was serious.

"Joanne...noo..na-uh...don't...DON'T you dare...do this..." I whimpered as threateningly as I could at that point, which wasn't really at all remotely much of a threat. Even in a time of peril, I couldn't help but notice her enticingly and gorgeously toned body, time had only amplified her raw attractiveness...time had also not bothered to repair her insatiable insanity.

I watched helplessly as Joanne gave me a teasing smirk, flexing her irresistible dimples as she grinned. Then, in a flash, she had taken three long strides and jumped off the cliff and into the ocean below.

You have. GOT. To be kiddin' me.

*****Arizona's voice over: *** **_Sometimes we do crazy things. Not because we don't know any better, but because we want to feel it all over again. The thrill of peril. The rush of exposure. The adrenaline of the insane. It's worth the broken limbs, the inscrutable risks, the innumerable consequences. Because going back in time? Re-living those moments of blithe psychosis? Re-discovering the unparalleled ecstasy of letting everything go? It's worth everything._


	11. Chapter 11

**Title: "Because of You I'm Breaking" [Chapter 11]**

Author: JCapzona

**Rating: **NC-17

**Pairing:** Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** All television shows and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings ext. are the properties of their respective owners. This work is non-profit and simply written for fun. Reference to persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be factual.

**Summary: **The beginning of the end. [Part C]. "C" for Callie's story.

**Author's Note:** Think Arizona/Joanne was bad? Think again.

PS. Next chapter might take a little longer to write since it's insanely SUPER climatic…like _super. _SUPER climatic… _**SUPER. **_Feel free to leave McAwesome reviews to speed up the process, always awesome to hear from you guys!

*****Arizona voiceover: *** **_Don't judge a book by its cover. We've all heard the saying, the heeding advice for us to search deeper than what meets the eye. We listen. We really try. But most of the times we judge without thinking. We conclude without evaluating. We finish without starting. We jump to conclusions because we think we know better. Who needs to delve deeper than what meets the eye when assumptions are so much easier to make? We take one look and we're done. Close. Suture. Bandage. But sometimes there's more than meets the eye and we're left with the gaping wound of regret ...of not having searched, more carefully._

The steely barrier slammed shut with a resounding thud, tearing Arizona from my sight. I couldn't help but feel remorse surge through my veins as I paused to replay the scene that had played out mere moments ago. I couldn't believe it. I had actually reached out and gripped Arizona's arm, holding her back from walking out of the elevator nonchalantly, holding her back to...to...I don't know _what_ came over me, at that moment, I just _had_ to make her listen, I had to let her understand that I wasn't going out with Nadia. Well, I was….but it wasn't _going out _going out, that I had made clear from the start. We were going out as friends...just friends. I was still waiting for Arizona to forgive me. Waiting for her to understand. Waiting for her to take me back. Waiting for her to re-attach her shattered heart and give me a chance to suture her wounds.

The elevator whirled into life as Nadia and I stood beside each other in silence. She was staring at me intently and I could feel her eyes burning my skin as it swept over every inch of my body, I felt a shiver go through me as I bit down on my lower lip. Ugh. How did she manage to talk me into going out with her. I can't believe this. Arizona must've thought… well, I don't blame her. This was a pretty misleading situation to be caught in…story of my life. Good job Torres. Top-notch. Well done.

"You're not cheating on her you know…" Nadia whispered, drawing my eyes towards her for the first time today. Her voice was sultry and suggestive, and I couldn't help but feel the heat rise as I looked at her body. She was wearing a short black dress that pushed up her cleavage and revealed her irresistibly stunning legs. As much as I hate to admit it, she_ was_ strikingly attractive.

Nadia's long blonde hair was wavy, not curled, and her one dimple flashed into view as she pulled out an enchanting smirk, clearly aware of the evaluation that I was uncontrollably performing. Her blue eyes twinkled as I blushed. Smooth Torres. Smooth.

"I know…it's just…I don't want her to think that we're going on a date or something…" I responded, averting my eyes from her expression which seemed to be mentally undressing me.

"It's not a date. We're just hanging out. As _friends._" Nadia replied, calmly turning back to face the elevator doors as she pressed her hand against her hip. I felt my heart race as I tried to concentrate on the light up numbers at the top of the elevator, indicating that we were just past the second floor. Nadia had this pull on me, this enticing power that just drew me into her, I felt myself caving into her presence, her beauty, her venom.

There was something in the way she said _friends _that made me anxious.

"Uh…yeah…it's okay…maybe I'm just being overly paranoid…I know there's nothing to freak out about…sorry…it's just…Arizona…she throws me off a bit…" I mumbled, fully appreciative of the fact that we had reached our destination.

Nadia simply smirked seductively again before exiting the elevator on the first floor, leading me out to the bustling lobby. I couldn't help but feel an impending sense of doom cling onto me as I felt my eyes intensely glued to her body, feeling my submission to her alluring charm as it pulled me along her…

* * *

I pierced my eyes through the front passenger seat window as I bore my attention onto the quiet nightlife we were slowly drifting by. My attention transitioned from the neon store signs and blinking spasm of the traffic lights to my own reflection. Every time the car passed a particularly dark patch in the street, I found my dark hazel eyes mirroring back my anxiety in the window. The radio hummed a casually romantic tune which made me lean closer and closer towards the door of the car and away from Nadia, almost needing to feel the exit to this potentially hazardous situation.

Nadia's free hand lay on her lap, the one closer to me, and I was wary of the easy slip that it could've made towards my own fingers which currently lay deftly on my own lap. I felt a pang of guilt as I realized that I was almost hopeful for Nadia to make the move. It was unnerving. Gut-wrenching. Suffocating. I quickly adapted the position of my hands and folded them shiftily in the centre of my stomach, taking care to interlock my fingers, as if daring myself to do otherwise. Nadia's eyes rested on the road as she drove on ahead, a smirk tugging at her features as she noticed my rather unceremoniously obvious attempt to restrain myself.

We had spent an entire day together, shopping at the local pier and walking along the beach. The conversation we had was mundane, almost suspiciously dull, it was almost uncharacteristic of Nadia to allow such brittle small talk throughout the day continue as it did... her lack of passes made towards me made the feeling of impending doom grow within me. It was like treading within dark waters, fully exposed but never knowing if the sharks will bite...or rather, _when _they will choose to do so.

I had spent most of the day prying about Arizona...about her past at Berkley. I didn't want to seem too obvious, but there was always a judgmental flare that perched upon Nadia's voice whenever she heard me inquire into that direction, towards Arizona...a twitch in the atmosphere that made it almost evident that she was aware of my true desires. Nevertheless, she let me in. She told me about Arizona, about her antics at Berkley, the _legend _of her throne that was made infamous with the number of bodies she treaded through. People fawning over her that only propelled her notoriety. The innumerable broken hearts that made her reputation as _impossible _to get.

It was only today that I realized how little I knew about her. Arizona had always been private about her past, a quiet whisper that seemed to lay hidden within the cobwebs of mystery. Not so much a secret, but a topic that was never even lightly grazed upon. Her perpetual sunshine had deterred questions towards any sadness that she may have experienced, and her undeniable loyalty to our relationship made her persona indubitable.

It was a shock.

It was incalculable. Unforeseeable. Unbelievable.

But it was true.

The stories of the one night stands, the gruelling tales of the morning after, it was all true. And the most heart-breaking aspect of it all, the most tear-evoking facet, was that the details could've been spared.

As willing as Nadia was to relive every story, every moment, every heartbreak that Arizona had induced with her thrill-ride at Berkley, it was needless. I had been there, I had felt it, I had experienced the pain of watching Arizona leave the morning after...the sound of the rustling covers, the removal of her enticingly comforting scent from the air around me, the eradication of her presence...I could still feel every bit of it.

No one could've explained it to me. The feeling of need, of desperation, of desertion. The feeling of heartache. The suffocating pain and the drowning sorrow that engulfs you at that moment. No words could express it. None.

Nothing could've softened the blow to Arizona's departure.

"We're here." Nadia whispered, shifting the gear and pulling the parking break up abruptly. I felt myself choked by the seat belt as the car came to a halt at the end of an eerily dark alley. It was dimly illuminated by one flickering streetlight and was lined on the sides with old brick buildings. A garbage can stood lazily in the distance but other than that, it was devoid of occupation. It was a dark alley alright, the kind of alley your parents would warn you to stay out of. The dark alley that spurred on feelings of discomfort. Really Nadia? Really?

"Um...a dark...alley?" I whispered, shooting Nadia a questioning look as I unbuckled my seat belt. Nadia was beaming for the first time during the day. A day that had been indisputably dull, a bit disappointing to be honest. I had expected a sexy escapade or incredible wonders from Nadia, but so far, it had all been textbook. Nadia seemed to exude a more promising vibe than what I received to speak quite candidly.

"Uno." Nadia whispered, speaking more to herself than to me. I brushed it off and continued to give her a searching glare.

"Um...it's pretty dark...do you really think we should go..." I mumbled, taking in her appearance in the darkness. Her face was partially revealed by the halo of the streetlight and it seemed to give her a inexplicably irresistible enticement, illuminating her eyes as they twinkled in exhilaration.

"Then let there be..._light_" Nadia whispered almost mystically as she switched on a lantern that she had undoubtedly produced during my rehearsal of worrisome thoughts.

Before I could object, Nadia had grabbed a giant duffle bag from the back seat and opened her door, leading the way towards the dark alley. The duffle bag was black. The type you use for bank robberies. I felt a squeeze in my stomach as I trudged along.

I shrugged as I let out a sigh. I knew the word _uneventful_ was too much to hope for with Nadia...

* * *

The brisk coldness of the night blew into my face as I stifled a small shiver. The cold was unrelenting and I shoved my hands into my pockets, shaking every now and then as the clammy wind seeped through my leather jacket and slobbered goosebumps onto my skin. I could smell the stench of smoke in the air, there were cigarettes littered along the alley and I watched curiously as Nadia surveyed the walls of the alley, as if she was Hagrid, searching for the correct bricks to tap.

"Here's our winner Cals." Nadia grinned triumphantly and I couldn't help but admire the dimple that was lit by the faint radiance of the lantern, which now illuminated a huge patch of the brick wall. Nadia quickly withdrew another, bigger lantern as she placed it a few metres away, setting up a space of light between the two glowing embers.

"Uhh...what are we doing? Playing soccer?" I laughed, rubbing my arms as I surveyed the area she had set up for us.

"No, that would be rather insane. I'm showing you my dream." Nadia beamed brightly, finally turning away from her project and staring intently into my eyes. I was surprised she wasn't cold, standing there in the light material of her black dress, but the fervour in her expression had the ability to warm anything up. There was something different about her, her crystal blue eyes sparkled in a hopeful fashion as she teetered in excitement, she almost reminded me of an eager child, patiently awaiting their first taste ice cream cone as the man at the store scooped out the flavours. It was cute. Really cute.

"Your dream? On a wall...In a...in a dark alley. Nope. That's not insane at all" I laughed, rolling my eyes as Nadia stood grinning, completely unfazed by the negativity that laced my sarcastic remark.

She bustled with the duffle bag she had dragged and propped along the brick wall and I watched her lean down to grab an armful of something... her tanned legs stretched out perfectly as she busied herself with the bag... Ugh no. I can't do this. I can't. Don't look at the hot blonde Callie Torres. Don't look at the hot. Hot. Very hot blonde. I closed my eyes and thought clean thoughts, like ... okay, nothing came to mind but the legs. Damn the legs!

"Catch Cals!" Nadia threw me a can of spray paint as she began to spray the outline of a huge box onto the wall.

"Dude. What are you doing!?" I asked, surprised for her blatant disregard for property that wasn't hers...okay maybe I shouldn't be surprised.

"Uh. What does it look like? I'm spray painting. I'm an _ARTIST_ remember?" Nadia grinned, speaking in a tone that was so casual I almost felt embarrassed for asking.

Within five minutes, Nadia had finished her artwork. She definitely was an artist alright, the piece of art was...brilliant. For a second I had to rearrange my awe to decipher the painting before me, there were too many colours, green, white, black, red, blue. Hues that contracted into a drawing of...a house. A huge, big white house with a little green grassy front yard lined with a cute picket fence. There were children running around out front, enjoying their game under the perpetually shining sun which was accompanied by fluffy white clouds.

Nadia stood back with an accomplished smirk, then, almost as if she suddenly remembered something, she grabbed a black can of spray paint and wrote in elegant cursive... _The DREAM _underneath her masterpiece. I was shocked, both at the richness of the colour tones that she managed to whip up from scratch and the gorgeous shades that she managed to produce from a mere ten cans of spray paint. I couldn't help but find myself impressed...maybe there was more to her after all.

"This is your dream?" I whispered, gently pressing my fingers deftly towards the wall. She quickly grabbed my hand, cautioning me against the action.

"It's not dry yet" she explained. I nodded, still in awe at the masterpiece before me. I felt her fingers delicately grip me, not letting go as she continued to survey her own work.

"It's the dream. You know?" Nadia whispered, looking intently in my eyes, inspiration flashing across her pupils, "The big white house...the children running around...the picket fence, the eternally sunny days...it's the dream...my dream..." Nadia concluded, her smile growing wider as she closed her eyes, breathing in the night air that sparkled with promises and hope for what could be.

I was astonished... but before I could say anything more, Nadia tapped the can in my hands.

"So...what's your dream Cals?" Nadia wondered aloud, indicating for me to draw my own vision.

I stood motionless and for a second, Nadia's smile turned into an adorably quizzical look.

"Cals?" She whispered, probably wondering what planet I had floated off to.

My voice was surprisingly hoarse when I finally spoke... "That's just it....what you painted, this house...these kids...this _IS _my dream..."

Nadia's smile widened as she looked back towards the artwork, dropping her grip on my wrist as she did so. I felt a tinge of disappointment from losing connection with her. Nadia had seemed so...flirtatious, so phony, so unbelievably arrogant and self-centered. Who knew...who knew...

I looked at Nadia and watched silently as she glowed, falling into her dream that lay before her...she looked so young, so full of hope, so cute and...and...beautiful.

"HEY! WHO'S THERE!?" A low voice yelled out from the other end of the alley as a flashlight shone our way, I heard the faint cackle of the policeman's radio as he began purposely striding towards us.

I was still lost in the dream before me, oblivious to the legalities in this pursuit of happiness.

"CALS!" Nadia's voice urged me back to reality, she was tugging at me and before I knew it she was pulling me along beside her, laughing as she interlocked her fingers in mine.

We darted down a couple blocks and I felt the rush of air surge through my lungs as we sprinted street after street after street. Finally, when I felt too winded to continue, Nadia pulled us into an alley that seemed quite like the previous and I heard myself panting, regaining my breath as I bent downwards to breathe. The cold air stung like a bitch but I was still grinning from our close call. Nadia was leaning against the wall, her chest pumping up and down as she tried to catch her breath. Her mouth gaping as she breathed. I felt myself mesmerized by her sparkling blue eyes, so full of life, so blissful; they seemed all too familiar to me.

Nadia pulled me up and we looked deeply in each other's eyes before erupting in laughter as we celebrated our escape. I felt myself gravitating towards her as we both sank downwards against the wall, breathing deeply as we shared a grin. It was only then that I realized our fingers were still interlocked and I awkwardly slipped out of her fingers. Looking away as I did so...hoping to make it nonchalant.

"What's the matter Cals? Were you scared?" Nadia smirked, knowing full well the reason behind my still elevating heartbeat. Our shoulders were touching as we sat beside each other and I felt her eyes caress my body.

"I _am _scared." I whispered in a barely audible level. Nadia's eyes seemed to glimmer in understanding of that statement and she leaned in closer and closer as I sat there hopelessly frozen in her irresistible presence.

Before I knew it...her lips were a centimetre away from mine and my heart pounded against my chest.

I looked into her blue eyes and blonde curls, familiarity once again surged through me. They were Arizona's eyes. The blue crystalline pureness that reflected back tantalizingly...

Nadia's lips hovered in front of mine before she whispered "Good night Cals. I'll see you tomorrow."

And just like that, Nadia got up. Gave one final smirk. And left the alleyway.

* * *

I paced around my apartment in aggravation; the inner debate within me had driven me insane the whole day. I knew it was a close call yesterday. And I'm not just talking about the cop either.

Going out with Nadia seemed like a bad idea yesterday, a bad idea, but a controllable idea. It had seemed that way because of the person she had initially come off as, flirtatious, sexy, seductive, with no heart at all. Sure, she was gorgeous, but she was just a candy bar. A candy bar I knew I could control myself around. A candy bar I didn't _have _to bite because it was unhealthy.

But I _had _to go an unwrap the candy bar.

I _had_ to see her heart, her deepest dreams, dreams that she shared with me. Dreams that made me see her in a different freakin' light. Because the things that Nadia wanted? I did too... and it scared me to see how much we really _did _have in common after all.

Nadia had said that I would see her today...wasn't that a little presumptuous considering the fact that we hadn't made plans at all? And to be honest, what if I say no? How would we see each other then?

A painful tug in my brain set the reality in. _She knows you won't say know. _

And a little part of me knows it too.

My cell phone finally buzzed at 2pm. Nadia had texted me the location of her studio, inviting me to pay a visit. I looked at the clock again, 2pm. Afternoon. A non-sexy time. _I can do this. Just drop by, say hi, and leave. Leave before it gets dark. Leave before it transitions to sexy time. Just leave Callie Torres. Just leave._

Okay. I'll listen to the voice in my head. Just this once.

* * *

Nadia's studio was...incredible. I entered it expecting a shabby looking shed type of deal, only to see rows upon rows of sculptures lined up intimidating against each other.

Nadia had rented a loft and moved her work-in-progress into it for the time being, there were...A LOT of pieces. Each inscrutable object had been covered by a veil, propelling the mystery that already hung in the atmosphere to a further intensity of magic.

The walls of the loft as well as the ceiling and flooring was cement, but paints had been thrown around everywhere and splotches of colourful hues scattered around canvasses that were propped against walls, chairs and windows. I glanced at the collection of draped jewels, each with its own skylight illuminating it from the rest.

I surveyed the area in awe as I walked around the pieces...Nadia grinned an adorable bashful smile as she watched me do a 360 turn.

"Which one do you want to see first?" Nadia asked uncharacteristically timidly, waving her hand to the ten sculptures in front of me.

"Um... I don't know...you can lead the way Van Gogh." I smirked, surveying her outfit which was literally just a plain white t-shirt with a barrage of paint splotches and dark skinny jeans. She looked so comfortable and artsy and...adorably dorky. I felt myself gulp rather loudly as I took in her cutesy attire. I'm starting to think Nadia can pull anything off.

Without hesitation Nadia began ripping down the drapes to all of her sculptures. I looked up in amazement as statues of people, animals, unrecognizable shapes and angles danced into light before me. They were all so miraculous and heartfelt in each and every way...it was just...brilliant.

"I'm an industrial design major, but I like to make sculptures and paint canvasses in my spare time..." Nadia smiled. Did she just blush? Wow. This is weird.

We went through all of her canvasses and sculptures, revelling at each one as if it was a masterpiece of its own, I couldn't suppress my wonder and appreciation...everything was just so unbelievably magnificent. After a couple hours of listening to the process that went into each piece and laughing about the stories, I realized that the only one left was a small statue in the corner of the room which was draped with a black blanket.

"What's that one" I asked, curiosity stirring within me as I looked pointedly towards the mysterious object.

"Oh...um...that's...uh..." Nadia looked uncomfortable and I realized for the first time ever I was seeing this exposed side of her that had been hidden this whole time.

"Can I see it?" I asked, making my way towards the object with Nadia trailing silently before me.

Reluctantly, she tore off the cover to reveal a golden statue of a familiar face. The wavy hair, the pointed nose, the dark eyes, the mouth...it was as if I was looking into a mirror... It was me.

The "art" she had whipped up last night in the alley paled in comparison.

"It's...brilliant..." I whispered, unable to produce any other description of the masterpiece before me.

"I...I made it the day I first saw you...at the hospital...." Nadia whispered, blushing profusely... "You inspired me...you're just so...beautiful..."

I felt myself gulp as Nadia leaned closer towards me as I felt myself supported against the wall, staring at the statue, a monument of devotion, it was so touching and...and... just amazing.

Once again I found myself cornered by Nadia, this time, it only took a second for her to be close enough to feel my breath on her lips. I could feel my breath hitch at our proximity as my heart pounded against my chest, threatening to burst out onto the painted floor. My mind drained of all other thoughts as I felt myself gulp loudly, feeling nothing but her warmth, her presence, her alluring smirk dancing tantalizingly across her features.

"Cals?" Nadia whispered softly as her lips still hovered precariously near mine, her arms slipped in and wrapped around my waist as I shuddered at her touch... her fingers burning my skin with every second of contact. I felt myself on fire as I breathed deeply, taking in her scent for the second time in two days.

"Yes?" I croaked, unable to stabilize my breathing or my heart-rate. Those blue eyes were sparkling incredibly...there were remarkably beautiful.

Nadia smirked a teasing grin as she leaned into my ear, I felt myself quiver at the sound of her sultry voice "Thanks for coming Cals...but I think we should call it a night."

With that, she withdrew her body from mine and slid open the glass doors of her studio.  
"Night Cals." Nadia whispered softly as I exited, too dumbstruck and scared to look back at the alluring blonde siren.

*****Arizona voiceover: *** **_Sometimes we panic. We make the wrong call. We judge wrongly and we're caught up by the truth that lies undeniably before us. We're surprised, astonished, caught off guard, because who knew? We make the call after one swift moment of interaction, thinking we've got the bleeder, thinking we've found the source...trouble is, sometimes we're wrong... and that wound turns out to be much more than what we ever could've imagined._


	12. Chapter 12

**Title: "Because of You I'm Breaking" [Chapter 12]**

Author: JCapzona

**Rating: **NC-17

**Pairing:** Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** All television shows and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings ext. are the properties of their respective owners. This work is non-profit and simply written for fun. Reference to persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be factual.

**Summary: **The beginning of the end. [Part D]. "D" is for…_drama_.

**Author's Note:** Sorry for the wait guys, but I was doing some thinking about other things in life…things that have been bothering me…so I was kinda preoccupied. And when I'm distracted I can't write properly and then I get all frustrated and start eaten haagen-dazs which makes me fat and then I get all disoriented from that which completely upsets me and….and… Yeaps. Okay. Too much information. Anyways…here it is. Hopefully it hits the bar. Let me know via your awesome reviews ;)

*****Arizona voiceover: *** **

_Change happens slowly. Like the trickling of a melting icicle as it slowly fades away. Change happens slowly. It creeps up us. We rarely know when it starts and we barely feel it when it happens. But it does. Things change. People change. And as time passes, as the stars fade into the night, we inevitably change as well. But the scary thing about change is that we don't feel it happening. We don't know we've changed, moved on, transitioned …until that one day, we look up and find that the icicle is no longer there…and instead, we're standing in a pool of its former self. Of who we used to be. _

* * *

"_Joanne...noo..na-uh...don't...DON'T you dare...do this..." I whimpered as threateningly as I could at that point, which wasn't really at all remotely much of a threat. Even in a time of peril, I couldn't help but notice her enticingly and gorgeously toned body, time had only amplified her raw attractiveness...time had also not bothered to repair her insatiable insanity. _

_I watched helplessly as Joanne gave me a teasing smirk, flexing her irresistible dimples as she grinned. Then, in a flash, she had taken three long strides and jumped off the cliff and into the ocean below._

_You have. GOT. To be kiddin' me. _

* * *

Five seconds…Ten seconds…Fifteen seconds. Okay…okay…there's no need to freak out…I'm sure she's fine…I'm sure she's just messing around…Twenty seconds… what if…what if something's wrong… what if she hit her head on one of those…rocks….those sharp…sharp rocks….I couldn't see her anymore…or the bag…wait. is that it?...I…can't be sure…Damn it Joanne! I cannot believe this…I ….UGH…DAMN IT!

I had been anxiously pacing around in a circle, agitatedly darting my eyes twoards the waters to check if Joanne had resurfaced with a dimple-flashing grin…it had been thirty seconds since she jumped and still nothing… I couldn't wait anymore…I couldn't stand there and wait…

I don't really know what happened, one minute I was still pacing in a circle, not knowing what to do, and the next thing I knew I was diving feet first off the cliff and plunging through the air and towards the waters below.

It was incredible. Impossible. Insane.

I yelled the entire way down and it was a_ LONG_ way down. It was extraordinarily insane, irrationally invigorating.

I felt all the demoralizing pain that I had cooped up these last couple of weeks sucked out of me as I soared downwards, escaping the burdens that had been crushing me, flying away from the agony that had bore into me…it was revitalizing. The sparkling morning sun cascaded across the clear blue waters as I burst through the gentle waves. Stabbing deep within the waters for a couple of seconds before resurfacing with a gasp, it took a bit for me to recover from the adrenaline and focus on finding Joanne.

The sun was really bright. Like _REALLY _bright, blindingly so, as I swam around the sparkling waters, trying to locate my idiotic camping buddy. My ex-girlfriend. The catalyst for my most recent act of insanity. I felt my clothes clinging frantically as I flicked my hair behind me, pushing it out of my face with my hands as I treaded the waves, swimming towards the location of the bag. It was gone.

"Joanne? Hey….quit playing around…Joanne? You won okay? I'm in the water! JOANNE?"

I felt the gut-wrenching fear creeping back into me as my body became rigid in apprehension…this was not good….this was really, _REALLY _not good. The waters suddenly felt less refreshing as a sense of dread drowned my thoughts…. It was a long fall… the cliff was a good twenty…maybe thirty metres up? It was difficult to tell with the blaring sun blocking most of my vision out. Everywhere I looked, ripples of sunlight darted into my pupils, making me squint as I swarm about, my fear growing every time I saw a rocky island protrude from the waters…I searched for traces of blood on these ledges, my breath gritting as I did so….no….no…no….

Tears began to flood my vision as I desperately swam around, disoriented from my anxiety, ducking my head into the waters below me to search for Joanne's body…

"AhhhHH!" I heard myself scream out as something latched onto my leg, I instinctively kicked it off, feeling my foot collide with something hard before the culprit released their hold. Whipping around, I dived underwater to find the monster that had captured me moments before. My stomach did a back flip as I saw the unconscious body of Joanne drifting underwater, her stunning brown hair floating lifelessly around her. Oh my god….oh my god…

I dived towards her and began uprooting her to the surface, feeling my heart pounding as I supported her head and neck so that it stuck out in the air, watching her unconscious features drink in the sunlight. Remembering my life-guarding course that I had taken many summers ago, I began swimming to the beachy shore nearby, struggling under the gravity of her weight as I wrapped my arm around her neck, praying for her to be okay…

How could I not have known it was Joanne… she ALWAYS had a thing for sneaking up on me…why should the fact that we were treading water after lunging off a cliff stop her…why didn't I look before I kicked her…now that I think of it I should've been able to feel her fingers gripping me…what was I thinking…this is… I …I need to get her ashore… I just need to…

I frantically checked Joanne's pulse as I groaned, pushing her body up the shore as I stepped onto the sandy floor, breathing ruggedly as I fell to my knees beside her. Her pulse was steady and strong but I could see the red lump growing more prominently on her forehead. The evidence of my crime. I felt a pang of guilt seize me as I struggled to drag her away from the water, forming a ditch-like trail in the sand.

I tapped her on the shoulders, shouting her name, begging her to wake up.

Nothing.

My medical instincts dominated my senses as I began to open her airway, craning back her forehead as I laid my trembling fingers on her stomach, listening for signs of breathing. The sun was illuminating her skin, making the water droplets glisten as it mirrored back the morning rays of light.

"JOANNE! WAKE UP. KNOCK IT OFF! YOU WON!"

No response.

I checked for circulation and felt the reassuring pulse beating, but more feebly than before. I landmarked across the bottom of her ribcage and began compressions instantly, feeling my own jagged breathing escalate as I continued to make compressions, locking my elbows straight as I pushed down into Joanne. Come on…come on…

I nervously continued my compressions, fearing the next step that lay inevitably before me…

_One one-thousand, two one-thousand, three one-thousand, four one-thousand…_

As I continued counting the compressions I surveyed Joanne's expressionless features, the sunlight made her face shimmer and even though her eyes were closed, her features were so…stunningly gorgeous… No. No. Arizona. Don't think about that…don't think about how breath-taking Joanne is…no…focus. Focus!

_Five one-thousand, six one-thousand, seven one-thousand…._

I felt my heart racing as I counted towards the end of my thirty compressions…it was almost time…I felt a sense of urgency charge through my veins as I gulped…what was this feeling?...was it?...no…it can't be…it's been so long…and I've…I've moved on…but then…what was this?...this tension…this inexplicable suffocation that was making my heart race…this confusion that was washing over my senses…

_Eight one-thousand, nine one-thousand…thirty…_

I re-assessed her vitals, silently praying for her to be awake, desperately beseeching her consciousness…

No response.

I felt myself shaking as I tilted her head back again, why was I so nervous? I'm a doctor. I'm a doctor. And she's just a patient. Any patient… I can do this…timidly, I squeezed her nose shut as I leaned down…feeling the battering of my heart against my chest as I approached her lips, my own lips quivering millimetres away…I felt my body tense up as I took in a breath, readying myself…

"Wow…Nadia _was _right, AZ doescome on strong…" Joanne whispered hoarsely as she sputtered and choked up some water. She moved her hands over her eyes to block out the invasive sunlight.

I bolted upright, thankful for the opportunity to escape. Saved by the…"JOANNE! Oh thank god you're awake!" I breathed in relief, sliding my hand along her back as I helped her sit up, she had a ridiculously enormous grin plastered on her face for someone who had almost died. I couldn't help but return the grin. There it was again… the _Joanne effect_.

"I know right! Just in time too, or else I would've been another sucker on AZ's hit list." Joanne laughed, watching me pout indignantly. Secretly, I was thankful too.

"Oh psssh, don't listen to Nadia…there's NO _list_…she just _thinks _there's a list…" I mumbled, relieved that Joanne was up and cracking jokes instead of being unconscious or worse…dead.

"OKAYYY then Zoni…whatever you say…_heartbreaker_." Joanne rolled her eyes as she flashed me a playful smirk, revealing her cutesy dimples in an adorable way.

"Uh….you're one to speak! I'm not the one who ditched out on us ten years ago…" my words trailed away as I quickly averted my eyes from Joanne. The atmosphere became serious in a matter of seconds. We never talked about this…Joanne's departure…my heartbreak…it was taboo. A rift in our relationship that both of us had locked away in the past. Thrown away the keys to. Desperately ignored the presence of.

The words had flowed out of my mouth before I could stop them…I had no idea where it came from…it was as if a puppet master had opened my mouth and said it for me… a moment of awkward silence passed before I looked back to Joanne, whose features had contorted in pain momentarily before reverting back to her cheery grin.

"Okay okay I take it back then, don't get all heated up Zoni!" Joanne laughed as she ruffled my hair, I felt myself relax…she had a way of soothing out the atmosphere with her dimples, her silky brown hair…her _Joanne-ness._ I felt myself punch her playfully, thankfully etching past the moment we just had.

"Uh. _Shut up! _I'm not the one who almost friggin' _drowned _herself jumping off of a FREAKIN' CLIFF!" I motioned towards the overbearing rocky wall that sat lazily behind us. Joanne smirked smugly before falling back towards the sand, folding her hands behind her head as she leaned down, squinting her eyes at the sunlight.

"HEY! Who needs to be careful when I've got _Dr. Arizona Robbins _to save the day?" Joanne sang teasingly as she air hyphened my name. I gave a scoff of disapproval before laying down next to her, feeling a wave of fatigue wash over me as I finally realized how tiring that little rescue mission was.

"Well then, _Dr. Arizona Robbins _is prescribing some bed…er beach rest for you…to further examine your head injury"

"A head injury which_ SHE _caused, might I add" Joanne pouted, feigning anger as she rubbed her minor bruise at the top of her head. "Jeesh Zoni, way to thrash and knock me unconscious."

"Sue me." I laughed as I closed my eyes, finally getting some rest from all this excitement. The physical drain of pulling Joanne to shore was nothing compared to the emotional confusion I was trudging through right now…

"Maybe I will. I know some powerful lawyers you know!" Joanne sat up as she shot me a challenging grin. Her dimples danced in the sunlight as she raised one of her eyebrows endearingly.

"I'll just plea insanity. After jumping off that cliff, I'm thinking I have a strong defence." I mirrored her smile, flashing my dimples in an equally charming fashion.

"Ugh. The world is against me." Joanne moaned as she thudded back down onto the soothing beachy cushion beneath us. The gentle heated sands we were laying on swallowed us into a sea of comfort as the sound of the waves lulled us to sleep. Catalyzed by the exhaustion of her drowning (and my rescuing her), Joanne and I were out within minutes.

* * *

"ZONI!!! WAKE UP!! WAKEEEEEEEY WAKEYYY ZONI!" Joanne's voice shook be back to reality.

I groaned as I blinked confusedly, disoriented from the late afternoon sun that was now invading my pupils.

"COME ON ZONI YOU'RE GOING TO MISS OUT IF YOU DON'T GET UP!" Joanne yelled into my ear as she began nudging my shoulders. I refused to acknowledge her existence and continued to shut my eyes firmly.

"Ugh…Joanne…the last time you said that, I had to jump off a cliff, tread water like mad and perform CPR on you…I think I'll take my chances on missing out…" I moaned, turning away from her as I continued my much-needed slumber.

"Oh whatever Zoni, you just wanted to make out with me. Don't give me the CPR bull…fine, _don't _get up. See if I care!" Joanne laughed teasingly as she strutted off a couple meters away.

"Nope. Not going to work. Na-uh. I will not be swayed by reverse psychology." I grumbled, thankful to be left alone by the bouncy five year-old that Joanne had apparently never really grown past.

"FINE. If you don't get up now I'm going to come over there and…and... make out with you!" Joanne threatened as I felt her stride purposely towards me.

"I'm UP! I'm UP!" I yelled, stretching my eyelids open and jumping off the sand towards Joanne, giving her a salute as I stood at attention. "Awaiting orders ma'am." Ugh. Headrush.

"Always works like a charm! Put these on Zoni!" Joanne shoved an armful of equipment into my arms and I looked at her for the first time since I woke up…I mean _really _looked at her…she was suited up in a wet suit and equipped in full scuba diving gear.

"ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME JOANNE!? YOU ALMOST _DROWNED _THIS MORNING AND NOW YOU WANNA GO SCUBA DIVING!?" I hollered, angling my head as I narrowed my eyes, giving her a look of pure exasperation. Her lack of sanity had definitely intensified a couple notches since I last saw her ten years ago.

"Uhh yeah. I _was _drowning. Therefore. I was NOT swimming. And now since I'm _NOT _drowning, I figure I should be scuba diving!" Joanne concluded her illogical formula cheerfully as she plopped her scuba mask on and waddled towards the waters with her flippers on. I stood there watching wordlessly as Joanne feverishly leapt into the glistening waters, waving me over animatedly. Reluctantly I slid on my scuba diving gear and bounced off after her, feeling ridiculous as I stumbled on my flippers.

I miss Seattle. Yeap.

* * *

The roasting fire was cackling merrily as I felt my wet suit letting off steam, drying off swiftly in the proximity of the heat. We had set up our tent on the beach (a feat that Joanne took great pride in, considering how a couple of tent poles had floated away from her unceremonious throwing of the bag from the top of the cliff) and I had taken on the necessary task of setting up a fire to stop hypothermia from setting in. Yeap. Making a fire in a beach in the middle of nowhere in my wetsuit. Yeap. That's what I've been reduced to.

We had spent the whole day and much of the night thrashing around in the amazingly gorgeous waters, exploring the depths of it and searching out pretty shells to collect. Why? Because that's the kind of person Joanne was, my ex-girlfriend, my first, and slightly insane. I sure know how to pick them.

The stars glittered across the night sky and smoke clouded nature's canopy as the mini fire before us sizzled alluringly. I felt myself mesmerized in the gracious burning of the wood as the fire peeled away the molten grub that fed the blaze. Joanne was sitting beside me, playing with her perfectly straight brown hair. I couldn't believe how un-mussed up she looked, it was incredible.

We sat in silence and for a while, the quiet whispers of the flame engulfed my mind, taking me away from the moment. Slowly, I felt the distraction ebb away as thoughts of Joanne came swelling up before me, my blurted out conversation from before, those feelings that I've been having ever since her return…

This morning, I had been so…hesitant…unwilling to administer resuscitation on Joanne…I felt so…weird…was I scared? Maybe. I think I was scared to feel that feeling again, her lips touching mine, the burning sensation that would surely arise if I let myself fall back into her, if I let our bodies touch… I was scared that I might fall for her again, back into that place…when Calliope was waiting for me back at Seattle…at least…I think she was…

"Zoni! Lean over a bit! I made you something!" Joanne exclaimed, breaking my muse. I smiled gently before shuffling closer to her. I felt her hand on my shoulder as she pushed me down a bit, placing a shell in my hair, it was small and delicate but it fit nicely and within seconds Joanne had secured it by braiding my hair around it.

"Perfect" she whispered, her hazel eyes brightening as she pursed her lips in satisfaction of her masterpiece. She flicked her eyes back into mine and I felt out eyes lock intently. Her eyes were so dark and soulful, with a mixture mysterious happiness embedded in her irises, I felt my breath hitch as she leaned in.

My heart raced as I realized that Joanne's lips were millimetres away from mine… I felt fear surge through my mind as I braced myself for the fiery passion that was sure to spark up from her touch, from her warmth, from her presence.

Joanne's lips grazed mine as I firmly pressed my eyes together, readying myself for the unimaginable passion that would dominate my mind, rip away all other senses, swallow my desires… I could feel her arms wrapping around my waist as she kissed me, pushing her lips against mine softly but hungrily…

I felt nothing.

I felt no passion. No love. No desire…Wait. What? Why didn't I feel anything?

Joanne was kissing deeper now, running her soft hands up and down my back as she pushed her tongue into my mouth, searching for a response that I was unable to return. And in that moment, I knew…I knew why. It came to me right then and there…

"Joanne…" I mumbled through her kiss, as she fastened her lips tighter against mine. I felt myself begin to pull back. Pull away from this confusion.

"Joanne…stop…" I whispered through her assault, pressing my hands firmly on her shoulders as I separated myself from her tongue. The look of hurt was evident in her eyes, reflecting the light from the fire beside us.

"Zoni…I…" She began, still rubbing circles on my back even though my arms were maintaining the distance between us.

"Joanne…we need to talk…about what happened ten years ago…when you left." I felt the words pour out again, this time though, I was in control. It made sense to me now, this tension between us…this feeling of anxiety…it wasn't love… it was the need for understanding…it was a need for words…a need for closure.

"Zoni…I'm…sorry…I was young….and I was scared…I loved you so _soo_ much and I still do…it's just… I wasn't ready…and…and I didn't want it to be a big deal…so I knew I had to go…I just…had to go…" Joanne whispered, finally releasing her hand from my back. I dropped my hands from her shoulder as we both felt the gauche separation ebb into our thoughts.

"Joanne…when you left…it left me…broken. I was…broken…and…and I tried to fill that gap…fix the hole by picking up girls…having one night stands…maintaining a distance because I was afraid to get hurt again…I was afraid to feel attached again…" I explained in a barely audible voice, watching intently at the remorse that was washing over her features. I felt my heart break a little as I pressed on, knowing that I needed to say these words in order to move on with life…with everything else...with anything…with Calliope…

"I cried myself to sleep so many nights, asking myself where we went wrong…where _I _went wrong…wondering which moment in time, which precise event it happened in…when you stopped being in love with me…" I felt tears cascading my cheeks now, tears that were reflected on Joanne's face as she listened, opening her mouth wordlessly and closing it again.

"I was miserable. After…after I left. I was miserable Zoni…I thought I could leave and refresh my life…find distractions that would take my mind off you…make me love you less…make me less vulnerable…but it never went away…I came after you to Berkley a year after…but you were…well you were…busy with other people…and I knew I was too late…but I couldn't move on…I just couldn't…so I came looking for you…even though it's been ten years…I still love you…and I'm ready now. I'm ready to take everything on. I'm not young and stupid anymore and I'm certainly not going to run away." Joanne finished defiantly, taking my hands into hers as her eyes blazed fiercely.

I could feel the seriousness in her voice, the resolve in her eyes as she poured her heart out…but still…I knew it had to be done…I knew I had to end it.

I slid my hands out of her grip, feeling her heart shatter from my movement away from her.

"I loved you Joanne…for years I loved you…and when you came back I thought I still did…I was scared to be near you…to kiss you…to even…even do CPR…but just now…when you kissed me…I didn't feel anything…and that's when I knew…when I knew…"

"That you can't love me anymore?" Joanne's voice croaked as she whispered those words.

"That I can't control who I love." I whispered, turning back to face the flames as tears cascaded my face, leaving Joanne's expression of remorseful anguish as I stared back into the fire.

* * *

Joanne and I sat in silence for the rest of the night, watching the fire blaze on and eventually, slowly die. I returned to the tent and fell asleep a little while later, but Joanne stayed outside the whole night.

When I woke up, it was already 2pm. For the first time during this trip, I felt a stab of sadness that my "Zoni" alarm clock hadn't been the first thing I heard. Numbly, I packed the sleeping bag and headed outside… Joanne was sitting in the exact spot she had been in last night. The embers of the fire had long extinguished and the sight of Joanne staring into what was left of the blazing fire made my heart break. The bags under her eyes spoke out the fact that she hadn't slept at all. There was a hollow sadness in her hazel eyes but she pulled on a weak smile at the sight of me approaching her slowly in my grey hoody and black shorts.

"Hey" I whispered, my voice cracking from its lack of use the last twelve hours.

"Hi Zoni." Joanne responded, still carrying her weak smile that had only the faintest gleam of her dimples.

"Ready to head home?" I asked, not knowing what else to say.

"Yeah…" She responded. Her eyes were swollen and her hair was frazzled. A first.

"Joanne…you know I'll always love you." I whispered as I stepped over to give her a hug. She seemed so fragile, so brittle…so un-Joanne-ish.

"Thanks Zoni…but can I ask you something?" She whispered, pulling away from our chaste hug.

"Anything."

"Are you still in love with Callie?" She whispered, her voice sounded tired but strong.

"I'm afraid so." I answered, smiling gently. It broke my heart to see Joanne so delicate.

"Then you should head back…really soon…like now…cause when Nadia came to see me that day…she told me about all the places she's planning on taking her…" Joanne began, looking worried. I smiled at how much she cared, because I knew Joanne was looking out for me, for Calliope.

"I'm sure it's nothing to be worried about…we'll get back when we get back…" I reassured Joanne as I grinned playfully. I knew it was hurting her to push me towards Calliope…but somehow, her concern overweighing mine made the atmosphere lighter than usual. It was almost like we were friends again and it gave me hope that maybe we could be.

"Are you sure? Cause Nadia told me that she was going to bring Callie spray painting and…and to her studio to show her…" Joanne began, a frown pulling at her expression.

"…a statue of Callie." I softly finished her sentence, dread freezing my entire body.

"Yeah…how did you know? It seemed like a pretty cool couple ideas…" Joanne smiled weakly, not realizing the horror that was bulldozing all of my senses right now. I felt a shiver go down my spine as the blood drained from my face.

"It's not just a pretty cool couple ideas Joanne…it's Nadia's…Nadia's…it's her _**3-KO**_." I finished, gulping as I breathed deeply, consternation rattling into my bones at the realization. I should've seen it coming…she was in it to win it…the mischievous glare she had shot me that day when she realized how much Calliope mattered to me… I should've known…

"What's a _3-KO_?" Joanne asked, finally seeing the fear flashing in my eyes.

"We have to go Joanne…NOW!"

*****Arizona voiceover: *** **

_Change happens slowly…we don't feel it…we can't evade it…and there's definitely no stopping it. And it's always shocking to discover the dissimilarity, discover the lost feelings that used to be so prevalent not too long ago. It's weird, to be okay. It's weird to lose those feelings. The definition of who we used to be. But sometimes, the one thing we can do, the __**only**__ thing we can do… is embrace the change, watch the icicle trickle and just… move on. _


	13. Chapter 13

**Title: ****"Because of You I'm Breaking" [Chapter 13]**

**Author: **JCapzona

**Rating: **NC-17

**Pairing:** Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** All television shows and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings ext. are the properties of their respective owners. This work is non-profit and simply written for fun. Reference to persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be factual.

**Summary: **The beginning of the end. [Part E]. "E" as in "Enough is enough." 

**Author's Note:** Alright. So this took a ridiculously long time to think out because there were so many different routes that I could've taken that it slowly became a bit of a writing crisis... I couldn't decide on what I wanted (story of my life) so I kinda just moped around, not wanting to start writing anything at all really, cause then there's nothing to screw up. Right? Kinda like Lexie watching surgeries in the gallery… In the end though, an idea just hit me out of the blue while I was bussing to school. Yeah, I'm the cool kid who takes the bus to university. Yay. So I just went with that. I tried to throw something in for all the shippers (Nadia haters/lovers) so hopefully you guys enjoy this.

*****Arizona's Voiceover: *** **_As surgeons, you'd think we'd be experts at making decisions. After all, we make the call every day, the life or death ones, to suture or not to suture. That is the question right? But the funny thing? The sad wretched truth of it all? Is that we're actually quite awful at making decisions. Yeap. We suck. And what's more we hate the responsibility of it, the burden of knowing that if we make the wrong call, it's on us. So we push away the thoughts. The doubts. The fears. The irritating voices that urge us to decide. Because we can't. It's too hard. And the scary thing is? Most of the time, we just don't know._

The yawning rays of the late afternoon sun crinkled the sky in sporadic hues of fiery ginger and crimson as Arizona continued to floor the gas pedal in her Jeep Wrangler.

The term "death seat" is thrown around a lot these days, but at that moment, clutching the edge of her seat stiffly, Joanne knew she was closer to her demise than ever before. She threw a silent unheard plea of desperation towards the manic blonde driver beside her as the car shifted down the highway, screeching past several disgruntled drivers and leaving a trail of irate honking.

"Um…Arizona…I know you're worried about…about…" Joanne felt her voice choke back from the speed of the car, the sheer momentum of Arizona's driving was plastering her to the passenger seat. Joanne hesitated before continuing, not knowing whether the "C" word should be used at such an unstable hour of Arizona's life. Mentally weighing the pros and cons, Joanne brushed back her brown hair and put on a reassuring dimpled smile before continuing cautiously…

"I know you're worried about…about Callie…and I'm all for driving a couple notches above…you know…the speed limit…of the car…but don't you think you're driving…just a little…fast?" Joanne closed her eyes as Arizona narrowly cut off yet another car, swerving to the right with another bone-chilling screech. More profanities could be heard in the background of Joanne's thudding heart, accompanied by the driver's honking.

"Relax…I know what I'm doing…" Arizona smiled serenely, patting Joanne's white knuckles sympathetically.

__

Frankly, it would be more reassuring for you to keep both hands on the wheel…Joanne thought silently as she closed her eyes again, unable to control the growing discomfort in her stomach as Arizona yanked the steering wheel yet again, plunging the Jeep around a curve expertly.

Joanne's eyes widened in fear, but she had to admit, Arizona _did _seem to know what she was doing. For one thing, Arizona hadn't crashed, something Joanne could not be more thankful for…and also, Arizona seemed to be exuding a certain vibe of confidence as she sped ahead, doubling the speed limit of the highway, she made many close calls but there was always an element of control in the risks that she took…

"What?" Arizona blurted out, feeling Joanne's eyes evaluate her as she tried to understand how Arizona had gone from a nervous squirrel, too paranoid to go even on par with the speed limit, to a Nascar racer in three day's time. Joanne would've commented on this, but a more urgent matter took precedence.

"Zoni…how…do you know where we're going…I mean, Nadia didn't really say where she would be on the third night…" Joanne questioned, testing the waters… maybe she shouldn't have said the "N" word either.

"It's the _3-KO_. Nadia _always _does the same thing on the…on the third night…" Arizona's teeth were grinding slightly as her fingers clenched down tighter on the steering wheel.

Before Joanne could question what the _3-KO _was Arizona twisted the wheel ruthlessly and threw Joanne's intestines against the wall of her stomach. Turning slightly green, Joanne pursed her lips together as she leaned back against her seat, mumbling a silent prayer.

Chuckling slightly, Arizona grinned and handed Joanne a paper bag.

"Please don't barf in my Jeep." Arizona spoke in a playful tone, albeit rather condescendingly.

Despite the gut-wrenching speed of the death cab, Joanne knew it was going to be a _long _ride back.

* * *

A low ominous rumble elicited by the clouds outside Callie's apartment window gave her a spark of hope. Drumming her fingers on the kitchen counter, Callie ran through the wonderful dream excuse in her head _"Oh hey Nadia! I guess we should…you know…probably cancel tonight's plans cause of the…rain…" _

Even in her head, it sounded pathetic.

The taunting dark blue that tainted the evening sky was laughing at her. Laughing at Callie with its rain-free presence, tearing away from her the ONE excuse she had been begging to be blessed with. Callie ran to the washroom mirror as she began looking at her appearance. She had chosen the black dress with a twinge of white pattern on the bottom, she wanted to look nice…but hot. And this one. This deep v-neck that she wore on her first day as a Mercy West attending…had the Mark Sloan seal of approval. For a second, Callie's thoughts derailed to Mark… her best friend that had been MIA these last two weeks…a train of thought that was rudely smacked off the trail by the voice of a sardonic intruder.

"_THAT'S _what you're wearing? On your third date. THAT'Swhat you're wearing." Cristina scoffed in disbelief after having popped her head into the bathroom door.

"What?! What's wrong with it? And uhhh…it's not a _date _Cristina. We're just friends." Callie retorted, visually inspecting herself one last time to make sure nothing about her was too suggestive. Nice…but hot. But not too hot. Ugh. This is going to be a painful night.

"Okayyy then. If that's what you think. But I heard that your third dates get preeeeetttty steamy…" Cristina smirked, she had this uncanny ability to smile and still look offensive at the same time.

"CRISTINA! The third date rule doesn't apply here not to mention the fact that we're not even _dating _and I barely know Nadia….and…and so NO. We are definitely _NOT _ having sex and…wait. How do you even _know _about the third date thing?!" Callie narrowed her eyes as she turned to face Cristina, she was equally annoying to be speak to face to face as she was through her reflection on the mirror.

"Say what you want Callie. Third date's a sex date~" Cristina sang as she twirled around to leave the dumbstruck Callie to the growing monstrous anxiety that was overbearing her thoughts. Callie mentally kicked herself for getting that loud-mouth Bailey condoms from the clinic, condoms, which for the record, turned out to be an extremely awkward task since most of the doctors there knew about her and Arizona.

* * *

"Hey Cals! You look so gorgeous today! Ready to head out?" Nadia grinned with utmost innocence as she slyly eyed Callie as if she was a lion looking at a piece of sirloin meat.

Callie had been absurdly frozen upon opening the door and being hit by Nadia's jaw-dropping appearance. Even with all her mental preparation Callie found herself succumbing to the seductive charm of Nadia's carefully planned outfit which consisted of a white blouse fitted in a tight black vest. Nadia's legs were once again the breath-taking highlights which were appealingly displayed under her short black skirt.

Nadia raised an eyebrow as Callie gulped, unable to tear her eyes away from the stunning image standing outside her door.

"Sorry Cals. I would've dressed nicer but I had to go to an emergency meeting about my art show next week." Nadia apologized sweetly, knowing fully what the real reason behind Callie's shock was. It pleased her to know that this effect was universal, even AZ couldn't have garnered this kind of reception from the gorgeous brunette in front of her.

"Um….no…No. It's fine…so where are we heading out to?" Callie mumbled as she fumbled with her keys, accidentally dropping them to the floor as she busied herself by closing her blue apartment door behind her. _Great. Just what I need. A closer view of her legs._ Callie mentally groaned as she clumsily bent down to pick up her eyes, biting down on her tongue as she averted her eyes from the blonde's legs.

Nadia waited silently and watched the blushing brunette hastily lock up the door before suggesting the evening itinerary, "Oh, I know the most _AMAZING _place across town for dinner and they have these little cream deserts that are uggghh…soooooo good, that…."

"Uh...I prefer…to just um…go out for a couple hours and then just call it a night…" Callie cut in, hoping that the reduced amount of time spent with Nadia would help her little…situation. Callie knew she had feelings towards the blonde…but she wasn't sure if she wanted to act on them.

"Well…that can be arranged..." Nadia whispered in a suggestive smirk before turning away and leading them down the stairs and towards the parking lot.

* * *

"Voila. Ladies and…ladies…welcome to Destination…Amazing." Nadia gestured airily towards the giant violin that stood in front of them all the while beaming broadly. The bronzed metal instrument loomed tall and intimidating and exuded a feeling of pretentiousness with every arch in its design.

Callie moved to the grass beside the artifact and began admiring its presence, this artifact that stood beside the bustling highway…was so…well…actually…it seemed rather out of place to be honest…but there was this mesmerizing enticement about it….it was scary, but alluring.

Kinda like Nadia.

Callie arched her head upwards as she calculated how high this warped violin was…almost two  
stories high…whoever made this, wanted it to be noticed. Of course, Callie had passed this giant violin on many occasions, but mostly she was just driving by, never really stopping to take a good look at it. Before Callie could continue her muse, Nadia had yanked her by the hand towards the mysteriously entrancing object.

"My first project as an industrial design major…it's _The Forgotten Violin_." Nadia whispered in Callie's ear. The brunette felt every part of her body tingle as she drank in the words that were dripping with temptation.

"Why…ummm…" Callie had to clear her throat before continuing, noticing Nadia's lingering fingers that were still gripping her hand softly. Callie was thankful for the darkness that was now blanketing over them as the evening pressed on and her cheeks became rosier "why is it called the forgotten violin?"

"Oh…" Nadia's smile faded, almost as if she wasn't expecting this question…Almost. Her delicate features were lighted by the gentle spotlights that surrounded the bronze statue and for a minute, she reminded Callie of a nicer, perkier blonde…one she hadn't seen since that time in the elevator a couple days ago…

"It's just…I had a violin when I was little…and I guess, over the years, I grew to resent it. I hated practicing it and I hated going to lessons while all the other kids got to have sleepovers and…play on the playground…and you know…kid stuff. My grandma really wanted me to continue playing though, it was her dream you know…" Nadia smiled, pushing her wavy blonde highlights back thoughtfully as she touched the bronze statue, tears were welling in her eyes as she paused, as if wanting the silent blowing of the wind to finish the story…

"But one day…when I was fifteen…I just had enough….I threw away the violin and I threw it ….on…on the ground…I broke it. And I left it there, because I hated it so much. It reminded me of everything I had lost…all the childhood memories that were stolen from me as I poured hours on hours practicing that stupid instrument…" Nadia continued as her eyes glazed over with emotion. Callie couldn't help but tighten her grip on Nadia's hand, almost willing her to continue by letting her know she was there for her. Callie pressed her free hand on the small of the blonde's back and began rubbing comforting circles, she felt a sudden rush of compassion towards the blonde who seemed to look so bold yet so fragile at the same time.

"What…what happened to the violin?" Callie hesitantly asked, her voice was barely audible, as if to not disturb the reverie of Nadia's memory.

"Nothing….for a long, long time, it was just broken…and I guess I didn't really care about it…I was living with my grandma at the time, and the next day it was gone…I always thought my grandma threw it away, you know….kinda like a shattered dream. But then…couple years later, when she passed away, she left me with a note and a box….at first I thought it was just, you know, like one of her vases or some sort of antique she really liked….but then…inside it was the violin pieces that I had shattered…except…except it wasn't shattered… it was glued back perfectly. My grandma glued it back. Piece by piece. And in the note…it said _it's okay Nadia…_"

Callie couldn't help but feel a surge of sympathy towards the blonde beside her and she watched silently as Nadia broke into tears, collapsing on Callie's shoulders as she embraced the quivering mass. Who could've known…Nadia had always come off as such a …well… slut. But she was deeper than that. She was more real…deep down, she was more than just strikingly attractive…she was…beautiful.

"I'm…I'm sorry I ruined the night with…with that story…" Nadia sobbed quietly as Callie patted her head consolingly.

"It's okay…I wanted to hear the story behind this….behind your art… it's beautiful." Callie whispered, as Nadia seemed to calm down a bit, pulling herself off Callie's shoulders…

Callie found herself captivated by Nadia's sparkling dark blue eyes, twinkling in the night…they reminded her of another blonde. And for the second time that evening, she found her thoughts drifting to Arizona…Nadia was leaning in now, her lips quivering slightly as they pressed down closer and closer towards Callie's. Slowly, the noise of the traffic and the words from the story were drowned out and all Callie could see were the blue eyes that sparkled before her, the lips that grazed her own as they finally made contact. The hunger in Nadia's eyes became evident to Callie as the swirls of blue darkened significantly, Nadia's lips felt so soft and gentle and her scent of grapefruit perfume wafted towards her, her touch, her wavy blonde hair (which Callie's hand's were now digging through)…it was all so alluring…it felt so enticing…but also…kinda off.

Nadia pulled away lightly as she moved behind the violin. Confused, Callie followed the blonde only to discover a narrow staircase behind the masterpiece. Following suit, Callie climbed the stairs closely behind Nadia until they reached the very top of the bronze statue…on the way up, Callie couldn't shake off the feeling that something was wrong…someone was…not quite right.

They were at the tip of the violin body now, perched with their legs dangling beside the neck of the instrument. Callie felt Nadia's hand grasp hers as Nadia spun her around to face her. Once again, the dark lustful pools of blue drew her in and Nadia's lips were soon caressing hers…the feeling was back. The odd, inexplicable sense of uncertainty, of _off-ness_…

Callie could feel Nadia's arms move tantalizingly down her back as she slid in towards her, their tongues were locked together as the kiss grew deeper…Nadia's forcefulness grew casually and Callie opened her eyes to try and discern what this incomprehensible sense of oddness was from…the blue eyes were closed but the wavy blonde hair was there, the dimple was there…the…wait what?

__

The dimple. Singular.

And just like that it hit her.

Callie let out a gasp and pulled away as if suddenly waking up from the spell. Suddenly realizing why this suffocating sense of disaster was looming over her this whole time…

Nadia gave a bemused smirk at Callie's look of shock and raised her eyebrow slightly; questioning this peculiar withdrawal that Callie had just conducted.

"Are you okay?" Nadia stifled a laugh as she slowly grazed Callie's thigh, causing the brunette to twitch awkwardly.

"Umm…yeah. I'm fine. Sorry….I was just…it's just…I don't think…we should do this…" Callie closed her eyes as she tried to concentrate on her words and not the hand that was teasing her thigh seductively.

Nadia raised an eyebrow incredulously and gave her trademark charming smirk that was irresistible to anyone who was on the receiving end of it.

"I…I'm still in love with Arizona…and…and you're….well…you're not her." Callie stumbled; unable to respond more coherently than what she was currently mustering.

Nadia shifted uncomfortably closer to Callie before whispering the next string of unfortunately alluring words, "I know. I'm not Arizona…I'm Nadia…I'm _sex on legs_…"

The suggestive coating on Nadia's voice made Callie jump back, causing her to slide off of the bronze statue that seemed stable just moments before. With a resounding _crack _Callie hit the thinning grass beside the statue after falling off of the towering instrument.

* * *

"Oh my god…Calliope!" Arizona gasped after witnessing the fall. Without bringing the Jeep to a full stop, she jumped off the green Wrangler, leaving the door hanging open as she sprinted towards the lifeless form just metres ahead of her.

"Oh my god…oh my god…Calliope…Calliope…wake up!" Arizona crashed onto her knees as her fingers trembled across Callie's stunningly beautiful body, mangled from the fall. Arizona's terrified eyes were welling with tears as she darted to the oddities on Callie's body, the obvious dislocated shoulder, the fractured arm…the weirdly angled leg…

"Oh my god…AZ…I ….I couldn't catch her…she just…she just…slid off! I mean...that has NEVER happened before…I…is she okay?" Nadia rambled, having just leapt down the stairs towards the two. Joanne had appeared at the same time and was already dialing 911, reporting their location and situation to the operator.

Silent tears trickled down Arizona's face as closed her eyes, images of Callie's fall still fresh in her mind…Arizona's sparkling blue eyes exuded the pain and agony she felt as she took in the lifeless form before her, _if only she had pulled in quicker…if only she had driven faster…if only…_

Joanne snapped her cell phone shut as she placed a consoling hand on Arizona's shoulder, "The ambulance will be here in five minutes…don't worry Arizona…"

Arizona bit her trembling lip as she nodded, unable to produce any more of a response. She looked down at Callie as she took off her own jacket and placed it tenderly onto her body, conserving her heat until the ambulance arrived. She wanted to hug Callie, to shake her, to yell at her to wake up, but her medical knowledge held her back…it was a huge fall…there could've been a spinal injury…it was best not to move her…best to leave her perfectly still.

"Do you think she'll be okay?" Nadia whispered, unsure of what to say in such a situation. She saw the fierce glare shot to her from Arizona, a look of hatred that emblazoned those teary blue eyes.

"I told you to leave her alone Nadia." Arizona whispered with forced calmness. The icy abhorrence in the atmosphere between them was evident as she slowly stood up.

"AZ…I'm sorry…I'm so…sorry…but she fell off herself… I didn't push her! I swear!" Nadia pleaded, knowing that she should've just shut up and waited for the ambulance. Now it looked like they might need to call one for her too.

"NO." Arizona's voice was barely audible but the message was clear.

"Excuse me?" Nadia argued.

"I said…no. I TOLD you not to go after her Nadia, and even though I specifically asked you, instructed you, _begged you_, you STILL had to go after Callie, my Callie…so NO. You don't get to go and pretend you had NOTHING to do with this. You don't get to be all innocent and worm your way out of this one Nadia. Not today. Not on my watch." Arizona's determined look of steel would've warned _any normal person_ that they should run. Run fast before Arizona got any closer. But Nadia…is not exactly normal.

"Look AZ…I said I was sorry…but really… I…I don't see how you can pin this one on me…" Nadia's speech was abruptly cut short by Arizona's livid fist colliding sharply in her face.

"OWww! FUCK it Arizona! NEVER the face. Owww god this hurts like a…" Nadia howled as she nursed the burning pain in her eye where Arizona's knuckle had smoked her, Nadia's knees buckled down as she cradled her face in agony.

"That's for making a move on Callie. AND for pushing her down that dumb violin thing." Arizona spoke clearly; a slight grin forming as she reveled in the Nadia's cradling form. As Arizona unclenched her knuckle and straightened out her fingers, she returned to sit beside Callie. The faint sound of the ambulance siren could be heard approaching from the end of the highway and within a couple seconds the paramedics had arrived.

Joanne had silently made her way towards Nadia offering her a hand. Appreciating the gesture, Nadia grabbed it, thankful for a friend at last.

"Thanks Joanne…god Arizona can be such a fuckin'…" Nadia began to rant before receiving a swift  
stomp on the foot from Joanne, which reduced her to howling in pain yet again.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ONE FOR THEN!?" Nadia hollered, feeling her pain ricocheting from her eye to her foot.

"For the misuse of dimples." Joanne grinned, flashing Nadia a dimpled beam before helping her up, this time for real.

"I hate you guys." Nadia whimpered as Joanne helped her onto the ambulance after Arizona and Callie.

"And we hate you too." Joanne smiled perkily as she slammed the ambulance doors on Nadia's disgruntled expression. Joanne then made her way towards the unattended Jeep, thankful that Nadia was in need of medical attention and therefore would not be accompanying her.

****

***Arizona's Voiceover: *** _When we can't make the decision, we have no choice but to go in blind. Put our faith in the scalpel, our hearts in our hands. As surgeons, we're dramatic people with dramatic timing. And often, right when it matters most, right when the clock reaches zero, the answer comes to us. _

_Just like that._


	14. Chapter 14

**Title: "Because of You I'm Breaking" [Chapter 14]**

**Author: **JCapzona

**Rating: **NC-17

**Pairing:** Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** All television shows and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings ext. are the properties of their respective owners. This work is non-profit and simply written for fun. Reference to persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be factual.

**Summary: **The beginning of the end. [Part F]. "F" for "Forgive me."

**Author's Note:** Alright, so I know a lot of you were pretty ticked off with the spasm of events last chapter which was like cascading lava that just flowed and burned everyone it came in contact with. So hopefully, this chapter will be received better because it is the one that answers most (if not all) of the questions and bats away the cloudy confusion that may have settled over some of you. It's a lot of dialogue but dialogue is good…dialogue is good and healthy…so…enjoy!

PS. This is the second last chapter to BOYIB so the next update will be the finale! ~* But on the bright side, we get pound cake tonight cause *dun dun!* It's a new Grey's Anatomy!!! =)

*****Arizona's Voiceover: *** **_**As surgeons, we're trained to make quick decisions. We're trained to judge. To evaluate. To hone our skills so that we can take one look at an injury, one glance at a scan, and know everything about the disease. We're told to be quick. Super quick. Because lives are waiting, waiting on our rare capability of judging something in one fleeting gaze…Glance. Diagnose. Cut. It's quick and dirty, swift and clean…**_

The sudden onset of rain droplets catapulting against the window created a drum-like hammering that tore me from the sanctity of my dream. It was a nice dream. It was a dream of dimples. Of wheelie sneaks. Of pizza. Of a beautiful curly-haired blonde…it was a nice dream.

I felt disorientation surge through my veins as I struggled against the perplexity that was drowning out my thoughts. Opening my eyes for the first time in what seemed like ages, I fluttered my eyelids as my synapses began to fire and shoot me towards some sort of understanding as to where I was. Memories flooded back. Images filled the gaps and sluggishly, I began to recover. Connect. Comprehend.

I squinted around the hospital room as I felt the itchiness of the blue sheets chafe my skin. Ugh. I hate hospital beds. Ever since that time when I was a kid and had to get my wisdom teeth surgically removed, I had hated the hospital's unrelenting need to buy the ugliest, most disturbingly uncomfortable sheets. I began to move my arm to yank the hellish cotton off my body only to receive a sudden tremor of pain in my shoulder. Oh right. The shoulder. It was probably dislocated. It sure hurt like a bitch…

"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING NADIA!?"

That voice. I know that voice. It was the same voice that had held me and cried after I had fallen from the statue of unmistakable doom. It was the voice that screamed at me to wake up while I had crouched lifeless on the grass. It was the voice that comforted me over the blaring noise of the ambulance siren as we drove to the hospital…

It was Arizona.

I craned my neck towards the commotion and found myself staring to the right of my hospital room, through the visitor's window.

Good News: I probably got away from the fall without spinal injury. Bad news: Arizona looked like she was about to hit Joanne with a brick. Seething would be an understatement at this point.

Wait… is that a black eye on Nadia? I groaned as I tried to sit up, feeling another eruption of agony tear through my left leg. Oh right. Forgot.

"Ok seriously AZ, you have GOT to stop screaming at me! You've done nothing but scream your head off this whole time and to be honest, it's been three hours since we got here and you've been nothing but a pain in my ass!" Nadia retorted back in annoyance as she mended her black eye with a bag of ice. I couldn't tell if she was wincing from the pain of the assault or the coldness of the ice or even the death-seeking missiles that Arizona was mentally launching towards her.

"Oh ho...so _I'm _the pain in the ass… that's it…I have been _PATIENT_ with you Nadia, I have been patient  
because I know Callie has every right to see who she wants when she wants, but I _warned _you Nadia. I warned you not to mess with her and you went and pulled a _3-KO_ on her!" Arizona had her arms crossed as she fumed, probably so that she wouldn't be tempted to blacken the other eye for Nadia. I watched silently as I looked at Arizona…it seemed so long since I had seen her…too long. Her hair was tied up messily and a couple stray curls danced loosely on the side. She was furious but I couldn't help but admire at her enticing dimples which flashed as she grinded her teeth together.

"OH yes! Let's talk about the stupid 3-KO again. Because that's what we can't seem to _NOT_ talk about. The 3KO. THE STUPID STUPID 3-KO! You know what? I have brought soooo many girls to that violin and NONE of them…NONE!...have EVER fallen off the statue. So don't blame the system that, if I recall correctly, was established by YOU _yourself_ Arizona Robbins!" Nadia retaliated as she flung her ice bag off her eye, glaring at Arizona with equal distaste.

"OH ho! Yeah the violin story…that's a _rich _one Nadia! Considering how you never even _touched _a string instrument in your life! And that you tell the _SAME _story and do the _SAME_ routine with the spray painting and the studio and the statue of your newest victim…and the GRAND finale with the precious violin story to wrap it all up nicely before…" Arizona was hollering on top of her lungs now, her face flushed with rage as she narrowed her eyes in malice.

Before I could take in any of this information a third character trailed onto the stage before me, it was like watching a play, performed specifically for me and framed by the window on my hospital room. Joanne was holding out a steaming cup of coffee for Arizona who simply shook her head and returned to her resentment towards the disgruntled panda in front of her.

"Um…not to …interrupt this well-meaning conversation or anything….but what's a_** 3-KO**_?" Joanne asked as she casually set down the coffee that had been refused moments ago. A flash of remorse darted across Arizona's expression as Nadia evaluated her with a manic grin. She had found Arizona's kryptonite.

"Funny you should ask Joanne…" Nadia whispered in a voice laced with malevolence. "A _**3-KO **_was a game that AZ here…" she looked pointedly towards Arizona and raised her eyebrow coldly, "…invented one mischievous night at Berkley…the purpose of the game was to see who could hook up with a girl in three dates. The three date knock-out. A twisted challenge that Arizona loved to devote her spare time to. You see, for the _legendary _AZ here, life at Berkley got extremely boring since she could get _any _girl she wanted with minimal effort. One charming dimpled smile from across the bar, a raise of an eyebrow and a shot of tequila later, _everyone _was putty in AZ's arms…"

"Nadia…stop…" Arizona stressed, her voice dampened with remorse and perhaps even a touch of sadness. I felt my heart ache as I saw the pained look in her blue eyes, crinkled in the agony of these memories…these days at Berkely, this _legendary AZ _she used to be.

If Nadia saw this display of agony, she did little to acknowledge it as she continued on, her words growing stronger as her story bore into a deeper, hidden past… "AZ was bored you see. She didn't want to _just hook up _with these bar sluts, they were easy prey and the hunter wanted a challenge. So she said to me, she said '_Nadia. It's one thing to get a girl in bed drunk. It's a whole different story to get one to fall in love with you in three dates…' _So she raised the bar. Amplified the _legacy _of AZ. She went after the confused straight ones. Made them fall in love with her. Three dates. Designed for the kill. Head-shot. And then there was the formula…oh yes the formula... First date always has to involve danger, or at least a perceived sense of it. It has to be rebellious, full of close calls. It has to be thrilling, dangerous. _Enticing._ Then the second one has to be soulful, it makes you reflect, show a secret, let them in on something special…and then the third one…well, they never made it past the second one. That's why it's called that. Three. K. O….Of course this _is_ AZ we're talking about…the _legendary _Arizona Robbins….the _heartbreaker_…" Nadia spitefully trailed off in defiance as she let out a smug smirk, fully aware of the tension that had risen from her words, a tension that now clung in the atmosphere. I felt myself breathe deeply as I took in what she had said….

Arizona had been a heartbreaker. A sick, twisted, heartbreaker.

Of course, I had known this, I had heard about her legacy as AZ, the unreachable, the unattainable  
goddess…but somehow, the idea of this 3-KO…the formula of a heartbreaker…it seemed…cold…frightening even. The thought that she had actually developed this indestructible guarantee of hooking in a heart and watching it bleed in careful calculation, each date a well-maneuvered deliberation…this….this I wasn't prepared for.

I stared blankly towards the trio just outside my door, watching them crumble underneath the knowledge  
that had been released into the air. Arizona looked so…broken. So fragile. So exhausted. It was Joanne who finally snapped out of it, came to her senses as she spoke carefully, her voice barely audible in the suffocating apprehension of the conversation…

"You're wrong Nadia." Joanne's eyes were reflecting a surge of power, a spark of clarity that seemed to glow past the downcast eyes on Arizona, who looked so distant and faraway as she turned towards her.

"You have no idea what AZ was like Joanne…how cruel she was to…to me…the morning after…" Nadia whispered. For the first time ever, I saw hurt flash through Nadia's eyes…a hurt that could only be revealed from words of honesty. Words that carried the pain that she had subdued by becoming more enticing, more alluring, more seductive than Arizona…I started to understand why Nadia was the way she was….because of Arizona…because of _AZ…_

"The AZ you knew. This _legendary heartbreaker _you speak of. Isn't Arizona Robbins. And I know Arizona Robbins. I do. I know Arizona Robbins because I grew up with her. She's the one who would break open my bug collection to free the caterpillars because '_they deserve a chance to turn into butterflies'. _She's the one who would spend nights crying over the fact that she wasn't able to catch me when we went rock climbing that year when we were 12 and I stupidly fell off cause I wasn't wearing the harness that she had begged me to put on and accidentally broke my leg. She's the one who would dive into the lake without hesitation during eighth-grade camp to save the nerdy guy in our class that nobody liked or cared about. She's the one…who…who was brave enough…self-less enough to let me go and run off away from her…even though it broke her heart. She's the one…_THAT _is who Arizona Robbins is…" Joanne finished, tears welling up in her eyes as she defiantly glared at Nadia. Daring her to speak against the quivering Arizona who was now crying silent tears as she looked at Joanne. Arizona wiped away the droplets of emotion in her eyes as she turned slowly to Nadia, all the anger that had once raged through her was gone.

"You don't think that I know? You don't think that I get that?…You don't think I know about what a jerk I was? I know about _AZ _Nadia. I know about _the_ AZ. I think about her…I think about who I used to be _ALL THE TIME. _Because that person? That disgusting heartbreaking person I used to be? That's the person I never want to be again. That's the _hole_ that I never want to have to crawl back into…so the reason I don't visit Berkley? It's not because I've run out of…of girls to hook up with….it's not because there's no _thrill _to the game anymore…The reason why I never tell people about _AZ? _It's…it's because I never want to be that person again. I never want to be the heartbreaker…" Arizona gulped back her tears as she finished, her voice was trembling but strong, her brilliant blue eyes were determined, bold, but…sorrowful and defeated.

"Callie's awake." Joanne's voice cut echoed through the silence that had ensued Arizona's speech…I took in a deep breath as three pairs of eyes darted towards me. Five dimples. All hidden behind the heavy emotion that had been evoked in the heated outpour of revelations.

* * *

"Calliope! You're…you're awake…did…did we wake you just…just now…?" Arizona dashed inside my room as she quickly wiped away the remainder of her tears, feigning her bright cheery façade as she approached me. It was odd, seeing her running instead of skating around as she usually did, but it was comforting to hear her voice again…hear her uniquely endearing voice chirp my name.

My eyes flitted towards Nadia and Joanne, who were deeply immersed in conversation outside. Arizona's eyes followed where my attention had flown off to and a look of concern flashed in her eyes. I could tell she was worried…about what I had heard…about what she had revealed. Her bright blue eyes crinkled as she frowned slightly, biting her lower lip as she waited for my response. Waited for the confirmation of her fears.

"Um…hey! Yeah… no I just woke up actually, was I drugged? Haha…like…really heavily sedated type of thing? Cause I feel so …ugh…so sluggish, I can barely decipher what's going on around me…" I faked a yawn as I tried to put on my best disoriented look. Slightly relieved but still unconvinced, Arizona pulled up a chair beside my bed, staring at me with a softened expression. For what seemed like an eternity, our eyes locked and I could tell from the thoughtful expression on Arizona that she was considering something.

I was the first to break the silence.

"So …um…when do I get to leave?" I smiled meekly, trying to pull us away from this awkward wrapping that had enveloped us. Arizona chuckled softly as she gave a weak dimpled grin.

"Not for a bit… you got pretty battered up there Calliope… you dislocated your shoulder and you broke your leg so…yeah... Na-uh. Not going anywhere for a bit." Arizona finished softly. Her fingers lay deftly on the side of the bed and for a second I thought they attempted to move towards my hand, but she seemed to reconsider and move them off to the side again, trailing her index finger along the itchy bedspread instead.

I had forgotten about the sheets. The itchy. Itchy sheets that felt like I had a million ants crawling on me, etching their legs all over my body. I moved my arm to try and shuffle my body away from the itchiness only to receive a spasm of pain in my arm.

"Oh. And you fractured your arm a bit. But it's a closed fracture so no worries." Arizona ranted as she saw me cringe in pain.

"Oh yay. That's a relief." I retorted sarcastically as I winced in pain. Arizona's smile spread a little more and I could feel my heart flutter. The blonde stray curls, the look of understanding…the dimples…._plural_…I had missed this…missed us. I wanted to reach out to her, to tell her how much I wanted her to forgive me…forget about Mark….give us a second chance.

I gave her an awkward grin as I watched Nadia nodding her head at Joanne's words outside before giving her a hug. My attention returned to Arizona who was still lost in her thoughts and even though she was staring at me intently I knew she wasn't actually _there. _Just as I opened my mouth to speak she suddenly jolted up,

"I'll…umm…get us some…coffee…yeap, good ol' coffee. Or maybe just water for you…cause you know…" Arizona ranted casually as she indicated to my bandages, she was nervous…and gently rocking at the balls of her feet. Seeing me wordless at this random offer for drinks, she gave a small nod as if to affirm her own actions before turning towards the door.

"Are you still mad at me?" I blurted out after her, halting her in her steps. I knew it sounded childish, stupid even, but I wasn't about to lose Arizona again, not after knowing what it feels like to spend nights without her. If I had to sound like a moron. Then…so be it. "I mean…can we be….be like we used to?" I pressed, fear laced my words as I held my breath, waiting for an answer that I might not want to hear.

Arizona paused before turning slowly to face me. She seemed to fall back into her thoughtful daze before heading towards the side of my bed.

"Callie…I'm not mad at you…" she began, holding my hand as she spoke. I felt the flicker of hope instantly flare within me as I savoured the feeling of her touch…she seemed to sense this brightening of my dreams and slowly let go of my hand. I felt my heart sink and hit my stomach with a thud.

"Calliope…I think it's better if we stay as….as…friends…" She finished, averting her eyes from my gaze. I swallowed, suddenly my throat felt parch. Like someone had shoved the sandpaper sheets I was sleeping on down my throat…

"Is it because of Mark? Is it because of…of Nadia? Arizona I…" I rambled, desperate to feel her fingers in my clutch again, needful of her smile in my life…

"No….no it's not…I'm…sorry…it's me…it's….me...I just need some time…some time to do some thinking…" Arizona returned her gaze towards me and I saw the brittleness behind those crystal blue orbs.

"Ok." I whispered. Not being able to muster any more of a response as she swiftly turned towards the door, I could hear her sobbing as she left me sitting there, dumbstruck and numb.

* * *

Arizona Robbins had her face buried in her hands as she sat in the lobby of the Seattle Grace Mercy West. Sitting beside her were two beverages, long forgotten and cold from having been neglected by the peds surgeon for so long.

Arizona was tired. She was tired from having not slept in the last….god knows how many hours…but it wasn't the sleep deprivation that got to her…no…as a surgeon she was used to this…used to the feeling of staying awake for thirty, fourty hours on end…it was the emotional drain this day had taken upon her. As she sat there, drinking in her tears as they poured silently into her hands, she couldn't help but replay the scenes that had flashed before her today…

Calliope falling off the giant statue….that gut-wrenching moment that sucked the life out of Arizona….the moment that she realized how broken she would be without the beautiful brunette in her life….then the brandishing of Nadia's words, as she retold the stories, retold the abhorrent ways Arizona had lived her life…and then….then Joanne, stepping up to redeem her, telling her that she was better than what Nadia callously depicted…telling her that she was more than just a heartbreaker….and finally….finally…Callie…crumbling before her eyes as Arizona told her that they should just be friends…just be…

"Arizona…" Nadia broke through Arizona's nightmarish trance and for the first time in hours, Arizona looked up to see the trademark tanned legs stride up towards her. There was something different about Nadia's stance….and her walk….it was as if her normal alluring qualities had fled her movements…it was so…uncalculating, so natural…so un-Nadia like to walk like that.

"Nadia…I can't…I can't do this now…" Arizona whispered, unable to speak…

"Arizona. This is important. Joanne…just left…said its better for us to leave you guys alone so you can  
work things out…and…well…I'm going….home…I have an exhibition in two days and I really gotta get back…but before I go. We have to talk…please Arizona. We need to talk." Nadia clenched her jaw as she spoke and Arizona noticed the use of her first name, not her nickname, as well as the seriousness that embodied each word that Nadia used. Looking up, Arizona nodded, giving Nadia the go-ahead to continue.

"I'm sorry I've been such a….pill…with Callie and you…and even Joanne…I'm sorry for that. I really am. And when you were in the room with Callie earlier…Joanne told me some…stuff….stuff I didn't know before…stuff about…" Nadia paused as her expression softened even more, her eyes no longer seductive but understanding…her aurora relaxed before she continued, determined to remain focused, "about how Joanne had hurt you…about why you had to become _AZ…"_

Arizona felt herself tense up at the name…_AZ_…the name that she hated with every bone in her body…the name that marked her as hateful. Disgusting. Atrocious.

"The reason I stuck around…and went out with Callie…wasn't because I wanted to hook up with her Arizona…because I think…deep down…I knew she was going to reject me…I guess I just wanted to get back at you…for…for hurting me…because when we were at Berkley…I fell in love with you…I couldn't help it…and I just…I just couldn't stand to lose you….so I tagged along with you…I didn't _mind _being your wingman to pick up girls just as long as I could be with you…and that morning after…when you left me…it broke my heart….it broke my heart and I never really recovered from it I don't think…" Nadia whispered as she let out a defeated sigh, it was tough to admit the truth but she knew it was time to acknowledge it. She knew it was time to defeat this fear. To move on.

"Oh…." Arizona stared at the quivering mess in-front of her and for the first time she realized that she was seeing the real Nadia…not the annoying seductive vampire…or the insensitive Nadia who teased her callously…this was the real Nadia. The Nadia who hid behind all those facades all these years.

"Nadia…I…I'm sorry…I…didn't know…" Arizona whispered apologetically. She looked into the face of the blonde in front of her, the blonde she had misjudged all these years, the heart she had abused, the feelings that hung hurt for so long. Arizona moved towards Nadia and placed her hands on Nadia's shoulders, and for the life of her, she really didn't' know what to do or say…it was just too much…it was just too much…. "I'm sorry Nadia…I just…I don't know what to say…"

"It's okay Arizona. Just say you love me...just say you love me Arizona…" Nadia smiled, seeing the helpless look on Arizona's face she chuckled softly, "I'm just kidding AZ…you don't have to say anything…I didn't expect to hear anything…I just…thought you should know…I don't know why either…I guess, to redeem myself? To make myself seem less of a jerk in your eyes? Less of a cruel heartless slut? I…I…just wanted you to know AZ….can I still call you that…AZ?" Nadia smiled questioningly as she tilted her head to the side, Arizona could see the pain in her self-deprecating humour and the guilt stabbed Arizona as she nodded, smiling faintly.

"Only you Nadia. Only you can call me that." Arizona grinned, flashing her dimples sweetly.

Nadia returned her a lopsided dimpled smile before sniffling and turning away…however, before leaving Arizona's grasp, she paused and looked back.

"Oh AZ? You better live a _long_ happy ending with Callie…because the reason she fell off that violin? It  
was because she still had feelings for you. She actually _dodged _me…_ME! _During my LAST move in my 3-KO. Which has _never _happened….she loves you Arizona…that's why she's up there…in that bed all broken boned and stuff…she loves you…and you'd be a really big tool to let her go." Nadia finished with a faint smile tugging at her lips. Sighing deeply she left Arizona's grasp and headed towards the door of the lobby.

"Nadia!" Arizona yelled across the lobby towards the blonde who turned around with a questioning gaze, raising her eyebrow as she looked at Arizona.

Arizona beamed towards her friend before yelling "Your 3-KO was never that good you know….but thanks…for everything...oh and um…sorry about the eye" Arizona smiled apologetically as she cringed at the sight of the black eye that boldly stood out on Nadia's features.

Nadia simply smirked before turning around and strutting out the doors of Seattle Grace Mercy West…with all the weight off her shoulders for the first time in years.

* * *

*****Arizona Voiceover: *** **_**Sometimes our talent can be frightening. Our confidence can be deadly. As surgeons, we become so accustomed to our blatant right to execute brilliance that in that fleeting glance, that swift diagnosis, we forget…we forget that we're human. That we're fallible. That even we make mistakes…Glance. Diagnose. Cut. It only takes one wrong judgement for us to fail. One wrong call for us to fall short…one error and we find ourselves cutting open the patient, only to realize, we misdiagnosed…completely. **_


	15. Chapter 15 Fin

**Title: "Because of You I'm Breaking" [Chapter 15]**

**Author: **JCapzona

**Rating: **NC-17

**Pairing:** Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** All television shows and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings ext. are the properties of their respective owners. This work is non-profit and simply written for fun. Reference to persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be factual.

**Summary: **The beginning of the end. [Part B]. "B" for "the Beginning"_._

**Author's Note:** It's been a long run…and I mean a really, _REALLY, _long run. I had an _amazing _time writing this and this ending is one that I've had running through my mind since the introduction of Nadia. For those of you who also write, you'll know the amount of hours that is poured into every chapter, which takes approximately six hours to muster up and only offers ten minutes of a read…so I just wanted to dedicate this last chapter to all the hardworking fanfickers out there who spend eons typing and typing just so we have something to entertain ourselves with. And also, to the loyal readers, who avidly followed each chapter with frenzy, thank you guys for pushing me to update (some even threatening me to do so)…because when I update for you guys, I update for myself, as I am forced to think of the next twist, the next dimpled smile, the next surprise. It's kinda creepy but it's _kinda great…_ As promised, this is the finale of "Because of You I'm Breaking", or more affectionately abbreviated as BOYIB… I guess one last shout out to everyone for being so SUPER and stickin' it out till the end =) You guys are…_McAwesome_!

*****Arizona's Voiceover: *****_Love is forgiving. Love is pure. Love is unconditional…these are the expectations we live by, the lines we swear by and the standards we adhere to. But more often than not, we forget, we slip, we crash. We lose track of our promises, we forget the definition and we give up on the people. The people we__** fall**__ in love with, the people we __**are**__ in love with, the people we __**used**__ to be in love with. We walk in head over heels and we walk out confused and broken. We can't do it. It's too hard. We're just not strong enough. We start to see the flaws, the faults, the blame…and before we know it…we break.  
_

"_Calliope…I think it's better if we stay as….as…friends…" She finished, averting her eyes from my gaze. I swallowed, suddenly my throat felt parch. Like someone had shoved the sandpaper sheets I was sleeping on down my throat…_

__

"Is it because of Mark? Is it because of…of Nadia? Arizona I…" I rambled, desperate to feel her fingers in my clutch again, needful of her smile in my life…

__

"No….no it's not…I'm…sorry…it's me…it's….me...I just need some time…some time to do some thinking…" Arizona returned her gaze towards me and I saw the brittleness behind those crystal blue orbs.

__

"Ok." I whispered. Not being able to muster any more of a response as she swiftly turned towards the door, I could hear her sobbing as she left me sitting there, dumbstruck and numb. 

* * *

It's been three weeks. Three excruciating weeks of dubious hospital Jello. Three weeks of aggravating interns dropping by to see me crippled on the hospital bed, encased in my own embarrassment as they whispered and pointed to my state of being. Three weeks of barely moving despite the fact that my limbs were healing fairly quickly. Three harrowing Arizona-less weeks…since…since she had sentenced that awful decree of death. Death by Heelys… the _let's just be friends_.

Ever since the night of our talk Arizona had been distant. She would come in and drop by at the end of her shifts but she would always cautiously maintain a respectable distance between us. She would flash a weakly dimpled smile, ask me how I was doing and swiftly leave before things could get awkward. It was torture. It _IS _torture. I miss Arizona, her strawberry scent that wafted through her hair, her cutesy dimpled grin and…and…her touch. The simple touch of her hands…the way she would rub patterns onto the small of my back to console me whenever things got bad…the feeling of her skin on mine…the proximity…the closeness of our bodies…I…I just…

I miss her.

Lucky for me though, I had Torres blood and sturdy bones which allowed me to recover fairly quickly. Today I was getting discharged and I was sporting nothing but crutches to support my still healing leg.

So here I was, slouched against the edge of the hospital bed which had been covered with sheets from home, sheets that Arizona had brought me after she realized my intense hatred for the itchy hospital sheets… I stood there breathing deeply as I surveyed my surroundings, waiting for my miracle...waiting for any sign of the blonde peds surgeon. Who was I kidding? Arizona wasn't going to come. She had a shift today. Sure, if we were still dating, Arizona would easily take a day off and come to my rescue, but we're not dating. We're not. And it's stupid for me to think otherwise.

As I slumped onto the edge of my bed, I ran the well-developed trail of thoughts through my head, thoughts that I had surged through time and time again during my three weeks of incarceration. She wanted to be friends. Arizona wanted to be friends. Despite everything, all this Nadia drama, all the Joanne and Mark, she wanted to be friends. She wanted to work stuff out… obviously not with me cause that would involve talking to me which she had avoided doing these last three weeks.

I wished I was a little kid, then the head of pediatrics couldn't avoid me…but then again, this was a big hospital, and if Arizona wanted to she probably could still avoid me….she's been doing such a SUPER job of it anyways.

She wasn't coming. Get it through your head Torres. She's just…a friend…and friends don't HAVE to come and see you out of the hospital… in fact, the operative term of being a friend gave her the right to do the bare minimum…I chuckled dryly to myself as I took one pouting glance towards my bag of belongings. It was plopped beside my crutches that were leaning lazily against the side of the bed. 

The black duffle bag had all the get-well cards and teddy bears that I had received over the span of three weeks packed inside. I zipped open the bag of hospital souvenirs and rustled past a collection of polite get-well cards and dug out one with a chicken driving a black sports car on the cover of it. It was kinda ridiculous, but then again, Arizona always had a thing for chickens so I'm not surprised. On top of the image were the words "Why did the chicken cross the street?" I tenderly opened the cartoonish card and read the words inside it for the ten billionth time.

"_To drive away your sickness! Get well soon!"_ I whispered and I couldn't help but give a sardonic chuckle to the fact that I had treasured this card for three weeks, gripping on it during the night when I needed to feel Arizona close to me. Cause this is what I've been reduced to. This is all that I have of Arizona. A chicken card. Yeap. A Chicken card.

Oh but there's more, I retorted mentally to myself as I looked at Arizona's bubbly writing that had been inscribed below the card's lame attempt at a joke. It read "Can't wait for you to get better Callie!~ Arizona" 

Yay. That meant as much to me as _"take care now_". She even called me _Callie_, I mean, I guess it WOULD be weird if she went all Calliope on me, since we're not together and everything…but still…CALLIE?! _Callie_? It's like, she's making it official in every way, her deliberate positioning whenever she walks into my room, making sure we always have a metre of air to separate us, the way she flashes her smile at me in the utmost upright way, it's like she's defining herself as a _friend. _And ONLY a friend. I grimaced bitterly as I hung onto the card limply. I didn't think we could ever be _just friends…_but obviously she was okay with it.

I kicked my bandaged foot against the metal bed frame in annoyance and felt a retaliation of pain span through my leg sadistically.

"OWWW!!" I screamed out as I was momentarily blinded by the searing pain.

"Good try Callie, but I think that when you're discharged, you have to go home regardless of your feeble attempts to make them let you stay." A deep voice crooned from the smug figure leaning against the frame of the door.

"MARK! Oh my god you're back!" I screamed out in delight as I hastily shoved the card back into my duffle bag.

"Yeah, just got off the plane, Italy is a cool place, but I think I like Seattle more." Mark laughed as he made his way towards me, plopping down rather unceremoniously as he sat beside me, causing the mattress to groan under the weight of the both of us. 

"You went to…what…you went to _ITALY?!" _I let out a gasp of disbelief, as I scanned Marks' features, all of which had been returned to its former glory. So he's healed.

"Yeah, figured, might as well, since I took a month off, and besides, whenever people need to think, they go to Europe, it's the unsaid rule of society, the thinking spot continent, besides…it's cool to go to Europe. Like, _backpacking across Western Europe _type of thing…" Mark's chuckle fell as he saw me twitch from the word "backpacking" It was silly…but anything that reminded me of Arizona had that effect on me nowadays, it used to give me a spark of hope, but after three long weeks in the hospital…it was just depressing, that's all.

Mark seemed to sense the tears threateningly build up in my eyes as I bit my quivering bottom lip. I tried to look away and towards the door but it just reminded me of the fact that Arizona wasn't coming. The finality of the situation seemed to finally break into my halo of denial that I had been sheltering in for the past three weeks. She wasn't coming. It wasn't because of Nadia…or Mark…or even Joanne…she wasn't coming because she doesn't want me. I felt Mark's concerned look blur before me as tears drenched my vision, I let out a sob as I leaned into Mark's shoulder, tears soaking his black jacket as I wept silently.

"She…she just wants to be friends….and….and there's nothing I can do about it…" I whimpered as tears suffocated the coherency of my speech. Mark gently patted me on the back with one hand as I pushed my tears deeper into his jacket.

"Hey…what's up with this! You're hardcore, you're _TORRES _the orthopedic badass, don't do this…not for Blondie…don't do this…" he consoled teasingly as I felt my feelings collapse under the weight of reality for the first time in weeks. It was relieving, to finally let out the gasp of air, to finally accept that Arizona and I were over…that we were done.

"I'm….I'm sorry about before Mark…I'm sorry about messing you and Lexie up…." My voice cracked as I spoke through my tears and I felt Mark chuckle smugly beneath me, his shoulders rising up and down slowly.

"Hey hey…no I'm the one who's sorry….I'm the one who dragged you into this mess cause I was all confused about Lexie…I got my feelings confused and well, and well, after clearing my head out in Europe, I know. I know that we're not meant for each other that way but it's okay…it's okay now…I'm actually seeing Teddy this weekend, just asked her out before I came to see you actually…"

I instantly yanked myself off his shoulders as my tears were pulled to an abrupt stop by the effect of his words. My eyes widened in shock as I gave a sly grin at the rather embarrassed look on Mark's face.

"Wait. Wait… so you went to ask someone on a date _before _visiting your DYING best friend whom you have yet to speak to for the past MONTH that she's been suffering in the hospital for?!" I feigned a look of anger as I raised my eyebrows threateningly.

Mark saw through my façade instantly but reddened nonetheless "Well, she was just there…and I just….you know…been thinking about her for a while now…"

I let out a roar of laughter as I grinned smugly at the relief dawning on Mark's face.

"I'm just kidding Mark. I'm happy for you. Really, I am…" I beamed at him brightly as I wiped away the tears from the breakdown I had just now. "I'm happy that …at least one of us is happy…" I finished awkwardly as Arizona floated back into my mind.

"She loves you Callie. I know it. And if she's still going to go on with this crap about you guys just being _friends _then….well I can ask Teddy to punch her out, cause you know…I'm a guy and all and I don't beat women." Mark puffed up his chest a little as he gruffly finished his pathetic threat.

"You're just scared of her cause she kicked your ass last time Mark." I teased as Mark opened his mouth to retaliate, clearly offended by my accusation. Before he could say anything though, I had him in a rib-crunching hug again.

"I'm just glad you're back Mark." I whispered as I felt his chin tug in a smile on top of my shoulders. I breathed deeply as I felt the weight slide off my shoulders. Mark may seem like a jerk sometimes (and act like one too) but when all's said and done, he's been the best friend I've ever had.

As I closed my eyes in the serenity of the hug and the re-connection of our friendship, I heard a cough at the door of my room. I could recognize that cough anywhere.

"Um… Callie?" Arizona whispered hesitantly as I swiftly pulled away from Mark.

"Oh, look at the time, better head out to my…uh…surgeries….cause you know, I've got places to go and…." Mark stuttered off as he headed out of the room, not before turning around and giving me a _very _indiscreet wink. Oh Mark, I've missed that guy. But at this moment, not so much.

"Um…Hey! I….uh…didn't know you would be dropping by…you're here for the sheets aren't you? Oh…um…I didn't rip them off yet, cause yeah…I didn't know you were coming and…and…" I mumbled off embarrassingly as I watched Arizona raise one of her eyebrows, clearly seeing through my pathetic façade of not expecting her.

"_Calliope_."

"Yeah?" I whispered, having just been cut off my rant from Arizona's calming voice. It had been so long since she last called me that…the exclusive label I reserved for Arizona. The way the name dances on her tongue just makes me fall in love with her again and again.

"I'm not here for the sheets."

"No…no…it's okay…I'll have them off I a jiffy…"

"I'm not here for the sheets Calliope…I'm here for you." Arizona chuckled softy at the look of utter shock that was now spread across my face and for the first time since her interruption, I looked at her. I mean, _really _looked at her. She looked…jaw-dropping and not just typical Arizona Robbins breathtaking, but like….REALLY _REALLY _jaw-dropping.

I was glad that I was sitting down because I would've fainted had the bed not been keeping me in touch with reality.

Arizona was wearing her hair up in an intricately-messy ponytail, with lose curls flying in the front. Her trademark look. Her grin reflected two teasing dimples as she watched me brazenly check her out. Arizona had a black leather jacket on, and if I thought _I _looked good in one, it paled in comparison to Arizona, who was wearing a dark red tank-top underneath. She was wearing tight black jeans and had her hands stuffed in her pockets as she rolled on the balls of her leather boots. Wow. She looked badass. Like _really _badass.

My eyes eventually made their way back up to the brilliant blue ones above Arizona's smug grin. It was the so-you-like-what-you-see grin. I  
felt myself blush as I stammered "um…what…what do you mean?"

"Come on, let's go, I don't want to spend my entire day off here." Arizona simply replied as she walked towards me swiftly, clicking her heels as she tossed the bag on her shoulder, grabbed my crutches and lifted me off the bed. I felt my breath hitch as her hands grazed the small of my back, helping me up gently but strongly. I felt a little buzzed as I took in a whiff of her hair, which smelled like strawberry crepes, hmm…

* * *

"I can't see you. Or your car Arizona." I pouted silently as I muttered into my cellphone, Arizona had told me to wait at the entrance of SGMW for her to drive up, but it's been quite a bit and there's been no sign of her forest green Jeep.

"Uh huh, I'm right here Calliope." Arizona's voice chirped through my cell phone and I couldn't help but feel a little drunk on the sound of my name through her vocals.

"I really don't see you Arizona!" I retorted, frustration setting back in as I tried to balance the phone between my neck and shoulder while supporting myself clumsily with the crutches. The late afternoon sun was setting and it was getting dark, thank you winter, friend of all injured people trying to make their way across a slippery and wet pavement. Thank you.

"Calliope. I'm right here."

"Uh. NO You're not. I don't see you any…"

"Calliope!" my head twisted towards Arizona's voice and once-again I almost dropped my jaw onto the pavement. Arizona had just stepped out of a sleek white Audi…a white R8 Audi.

"Soooo are you getting in?" Arizona grinned her dimply smirk at the sight of my disbelief, her car was so sexy I wanted to cry. It was almost as sexy as the blonde who was now leaning casually on the side of it, arms crossed and fully pleased at the look on my face. Calendar shoot much?

"Where…how…when did you get this!?" I stammered, slowly making my way towards it with my crutches. This car…Was THE car. If I had to choose between surgery and this car, this car would win hands down….okay maybe not, but it was still extremely sexy, and coupled with Arizona in her leather jacket, it was just….badass.

"I've always had it. I just don't drive it out much anymore. Keep it in a garage downtown." Arizona's blue eyes sparkled teasingly as I slowly ran my fingers along the hood of it, awe written across my face.

"Haha, _Calliope _you want to get IN the car instead?" Arizona laughed rather seductively as she tantalizingly flashed her dimples, opening the door for me as I got in slowly, like a kid seeing Disneyland for the first time.

"This car is…wow…it's just….wow." I muttered, feeling the black leather two-seater jealously as Arizona placed her hand on the stick and shifting it to gear.

"We've got a bit of a ride ahead of us, just so you know. This date is going to be SUPER. Just super!" Arizona chirped.

I swallowed rather audibly…did she just use the word _date_?

"Uhh…_date_? Aren't we just…" I began muttering, feeling a warm glow burn on my face. Don't get your hopes up Torres…don't get your hopes up…

"Uh huh….yeap, okay…uh…yeah we're just going as _friends._ Like a celebratory YAY! You're out of the hospital! Just…YAY! Type of thing you know? You're going to LOVE me at the end of this!" Arizona grinned a cutesy smile as she turned towards me and gave an affirmative little nod.

"I already do." I whispered to myself, horror setting over me as I realized that I had _ACTUALLY _said it out loud.

If Arizona heard it under the rumble of the engine starting she said nothing to acknowledge it. But as she tore the car towards the exit of the parking lot, I swear I saw a faint grin spread across her face and a glimmer of excitement in her eyes.

* * *

I could hear the slow hum of the spinning CD disc whirling as I blinked in the darkness, barely taking in the dark surroundings as I blinked a couple more times, stirring from my sleep. I felt myself shuffle under the restraining seat-belt as I stared out at the passing streetlights, each glowing lazily like fireflies in the fog.

"_Calliope, _you're awake." Arizona whispered softly as she continued to drive with only one hand straightened out against the very topmost part of the steering wheel, the other hand resting casually on speakers.

_  
There's a piece of me you can't have  
And I know it's driving you mad  
_

A smirk spread slowly and revealed one teasing dimple on her face, a silent acknowledgement of _our song_…Arizona didn't say anything though, she simply continued her calm, cool, collected stare towards the street outside, confidently driving as she drummed her fingers on her lap. She still had her hair messily tugged into a ponytail, but for some reason it looked so perfectly wild, as if every twisted strand was purposely twirled. Her leather jacket and red tank-top made her look so devilish, not evil devilish, but…suggestive sexy alluring devilish. She looked…stunning. And hot_. Very hot. _

_  
There's a part inside you can't reach  
I'm afraid that's the way its gonna be_

"Um…uhm…" I coughed, feeling my voice crack from its lack of use the last couple hours, "Yeah…where exactly are we going? How long have I been out? I mean…" I squinted my eyes as I peered out the tinted black windows, trying to decipher road signs, store signs, anything… "I don't even know where we're going and…and…"

_  
I fear my feelings won't speak  
words are already taken upon the breeze  
_

"Oooh…wait…." Arizona cut off my rant calmly, pushing her palm forward along the beat of the music…

_  
wind is always blowing…_

"And. here. It. Comes!…"

_  
pieces falling from me  
you can have them for free  
now it felt so complete  
pieces falling from me_

I watched wordlessly as I tried to suppress the grin that was dominating my features. Arizona was breaking out into a dance, _our dance, _right in-front of me, closing her eyes momentarily as she soaked up the beat of the music pulsating through the speakers. Her blonde curls dangled and swayed as she beamed cheerily, perkiness filling up the cool space that had been the atmosphere earlier. I chuckled softly as I joined in, swaying my body along with the beat and pumping both my fists in front of me.

Arizona's car swayed dangerously as we danced through the song, finally breaking out in a fit of laughter as the lyrics ended. Arizona was laughing heartily now and I couldn't help but stare at her… her blue eyes sparkling in glee, her dimples flashing brightly as she resumed her one-hand race car grip on the steering wheel, her head dancing still to the music that had pre-occupied us for a solid three minutes.

"God. You're so…." I whispered before I could stop myself.

"So what?" Arizona asked, pausing her head-bopping action and staring at me with piercing blue eyes.

_Shut up Torres. Don't say it. Don't make this awkward…_

"…beautiful." I whispered before I could stop myself.

_  
Bravo Torres. Way to NOT make this awkward. BRA-freakin'-VO. _

I felt my cheeks burn as Arizona abruptly pulled the stick of the car, throwing us into a stop. I could feel myself sweating profusely as I realized just how small of a space this car encapsulated us in. There was no place to run…I was stuck here to face the tongue-tied tension that had spread.

I expected to hear a rant about how we were just friends…friends that were going out as friends…friends that shouldn't be enchanted by the other….friends that shouldn't blurt things out like "you're so beautiful"….

But instead, Arizona just grinned, continuing her stare in-front of us, her dimples deepening into her smile. Her eyes shimmering as she gave an affirmative little nod, indicating towards the pack of drunken people cheering wildly in-front of us.

"We're here." Arizona whispered as she slammed on her gas pedal while keeping the car motionless, revving the Audi strenuously, roaring the engine brazenly as she tugged off her pony-tail and flicked her curls out. Instantly, a guy showed up beside her window grinning from ear to ear.

Arizona slid open the window with a flick of the button and an energetic guy with spiky blue hair and a diamond nose-ring came into view. He was wearing a black jacket that had numerous metal spikes but he pulled it off well… he was extremely good-looking and I felt myself blush a little when he looked at me with a raised eye-brow. He was _that _good looking. I was secretly thankful for the fact that Arizona was not into guys…because this guy…he would be tough competition.

The guy was in his late-twenties and his attention quickly darted back to Arizona.

"Well, well, well….AZ…it's been awhile." The guy chuckled as he leaned with his forearm against the roof of the car.

"I've been busy Tom. Who's out today?" Arizona replied coolly. It was her _no muss no fuss_ attitude that she adopted sometimes when Mark was being a bit of an idiot.

"Oh just some big-shot who's been winning all the races lately. His name's JD. Bit of a cock really, thinks he can fuck everyone in his black Nissan. He's won like eight races already, half the girls here are rooting for him."

"Ha. Well, we'll just have to change that won't we?" Arizona whispered, shifting the stick expertly and driving up towards the black Nissan as Tom cleared out the screaming group in-front of us. There must've been…HUNDREDS of people here.

I looked out towards the headlights and saw the slim path that lay ahead of us. The black Nissan beside us was already angled towards the edge of the street which was hauntingly gloomy beyond the headlights of the cars surrounding us. Arizona screeched her breaks to a stop once we were perfectly beside the black challenger and as if on cue, both the driver of the car beside us and Arizona slid open their windows, drawing in the fresh night air into the car.

Comprehension slowly dawned on me as I saw the screaming mob that had previously blocked our path jump into their respective cars, each switched on their headlights, lighting the cemented road before us. I could tell that we were no longer surrounded by buildings, but instead, it seemed like we were at the edge of the city. The road stretched into the darkness which was tinged on the side with trees.

Oh my god. This was…a street race. Arizona races?! She _always _drives on the speed limit…this…this can't be real.

"Hey Blondie! This ain't Chuckie Cheese's, maybe you should take your driving there instead where you're less prone to getting your ass kicked" The driver sneered as he revved his engine challengingly. He was wearing a black sweater and shades that were totally not meant for blocking out the UV rays. He wore a slanted hat which pushed out a couple strands of blonde hair, for a guy wearing a black hoody, he looked quite menacing. The type of burly guy you wouldn't want to be caught in a dark alley with. "Hey babe! If you wanna switch teams, my seats still open for a sexy lady like you!" he grinned cockily as he yelled towards me, nodding his head towards the empty passenger seat beside him. I felt Arizona bristle beside me as anger flared across her features fleetingly before they returned to its cool composure. Arizona pursed her lip in a sexy pout as she continued to look forward, lazily gripping the wheel with her right arm which was stuck straight out. 

"Your idea of trash talk is almost as pathetic as your set of wheels. I thought they stopped letting dicks like you hit the streets here. Fucking pathetic." Arizona whispered and shrugged coolly as the other driver grinded his teeth in offense. I couldn't believe Arizona just swore. I know that sounds really grade two but having dated her for almost a year now, I have never,_ EVER_ heard her break out a curse. This was…intense….and…and…_hot_. Her complete disregard for the gaping idiot beside us, her steadily concentrated glare towards the front of the car, her seductively nonchalant pursing of her lips…it was taking everything out of me not to jump on her right now…

Tom ran out from between the rolls of cars that were angled towards the path before us, lighting up the race-track….this was so Tokyo Drift…it was unbelievable. Wait…but if this was Tokyo Drift where's the…

A skinny girl walked up towards the centre of the road, standing with her arms up looking rather bored in her leather jacket and tight black skirt plus heeled boots ensemble. She looked like someone who could jump and knife you in ten seconds flat and I opened my mouth in shock when she winked at Arizona, who simply nodded in return. Something tells me they were once more than _just friends._

What the…

Tom was hyping up the crowd now, screaming out in reception to the increasingly louder hoots from the sidelines, the girl yelled out _"THREE!"_

"Oh… one more thing…" Arizona disrupted my thoughts with her icy tone, turning finally to look at the furious driver beside us.

_  
"TWO!"_

"Don't ever try to get my girlfriend to switch teams…cause she already did once and she's _staying _on my team." Arizona grinned at the confused look on the guy's face as I blushed deeply…did she just call me her….  
__

"ONE! … GO!"

Before I even began to take in what was happening, Arizona had floored the gas pedal and screeched in-front of the other car. As we streaked out into the darkness I felt myself hurled into my seat from the gaining momentum of the race. Grabbing hold to the door as well as the side of the seat, I closed my eyes as Arizona narrowly cut through the turns in the road, slamming on the break and gas pedal occasionally to drift the car around a bend in the road. The black Nissan was hot in pursuit of us and I felt my guts floating around dangerously within me.

The road plunged deeper and deeper between trees of some sort as we raced through a trail that was lined with tall evergreens. I watched as Arizona continued to look kind of bored as she laid back and drifted around a particularly tight corner, exerting little to no effort in the race.

This was insane.

"Arizona. I think I'm going to barf" I mumbled as she swerved the car around some road kill that the Nissan behind us drove through obliviously.

"No… you're not. I don't have barf bags but I know you're not going to barf." Arizona smiled as she grinned, peering into the distance that was clouded in darkness. Only then did I realize the ascent and the slope of the car, we were going up some sort of mountain and I could see the top of it nearing us as Arizona blazed through the track. Once again, she squinted her eyes and peered in-front of us, almost as if she was expecting something to happen.

"Arizona….I really think I need to barf…." I gulped as I felt my stomach pulsate in agreement. I felt myself paling slightly.

"Calliope… I'm here…you're fine." Arizona smiled as she dropped her hand from the wheel. Before I could object to the fact that no one was steering and we were going 200 billion miles per hour, she soothingly grazed my thigh with her right hand as her other hand jumped back onto the wheel expertly. 

I felt my breath hitch at her touch and my heart raced out of my chest as she gripped my thigh gently, relaxingly calming me down with gentle pressure.

A dimpled grin spread across her face as she looked into her rear-view mirror at the black Nissan tail-gating us furiously.

"Right. We're done. Yeap." Arizona smiles, a smug look of victory taking over her features as her eyes twinkled mischievously.

"But doesn't the race end at the bottom of the valley?" I asked, seeing the distant glow of people at the foot of the mountain.

"Nope. We're done." Arizona replied simply, as she pulled the car to an abrupt stop, driving towards the side of the road near the trees.

The Nissan behind us sped past us as the driver honked his horn maniacally.

We were at the top of the valley now and Arizona turned on the CD player nonchalantly, a smirk clearly present as she pursed her lips. "Little Pieces" began to play again as Arizona and I watched the black Nissan plunge down the hill, making its descent towards the finishing line.

"Arizona! What are you doing!? We're going to loose!" I yelled as I strained to see where the car was and whether or not we could catch up. Sure I felt like I was going to barf my intestines out any time now, but I still wanted to win.

_  
There's a piece of me you can't have  
And I know it's driving you mad  
_

Arizona simply continued to stare rather bored towards the car speeding down the hill making its way through several turns. Arizona blew out a puff of air upwards towards her bangs as they danced over her twinkling blue eyes.

"ARIZONA! COME ON! WE can totally catch up to that jerk! Do that….that thing! Where you shift the gear and go all fast and stuff!" I screamed as I craned my neck to see how far the damage was.

_  
I fear my feelings wont speak  
words are already taken upon the breeze  
_

"Oooh…wait…." Arizona cut off my rant for the second time today, pushing her palm forward along the beat of the music…

_  
wind is always blowing…_

"And. here. It. Comes!…" Arizona nodded her head along and pointed towards the car that was nearing the bottom of the valley. As if on cue, a cop car lit up out of nowhere and began chasing the Nissan, halting it to a stop as it pulled over beside it.

_  
pieces falling from me  
you can have them for free  
now it felt so complete  
pieces falling from me_

"Busteddddd" Arizona sang out as I watched incredulously.

"What…but…how…how did you know?" I whispered, completely and totally impressed by her perfect timing.

Arizona simply unbuckled her seat-belt and leaned over towards me, her lips hovering barely an inch away from mine as her soft hands trailed down the small of my waist…I felt my breath hitch as I gulped, watching as her sparkling blue eyes danced over the smirk that was tugging across her face.

"Guess I'm just _that good._" She whispered as I felt the warmness of her breath touch my lips, I felt my breathing become more uneven and deeper as she slid her hand lower and lower down my back and unbuckled my seat belt swiftly before pulling away, smiling broadly as she popped open her door and stepped out into the night.

"You know…you should be arrested for doing things like that." I whispered as I stepped out of my door (after freezing in shock for a couple minutes). Arizona was sitting on the hood of her car and not to sound redundant or anything…but she was _hot. _

There was a gentle breeze in the night air and Arizona's hair fluttered stunningly as she crossed her legs and leaned back onto the hood of her car. I sat beside her and supported myself up with both hands propping behind me just like her.

"Soooo….that was…" I spoke awkwardly, looking towards her as I bit my lower lip.

"Was what?" Arizona chuckled as she turned to look at me, her lips playfully pursed as she raised one of her eyebrows.

"Hot." I responded truthfully. I could still feel my heart pounding across my chest as I controlled my breathing with difficulty.

Arizona grinned as she returned to stare at the driver of the Nissan, who was stepping out of the car and being frisked by the police in the far distance. For a long couple of minutes we just sat there in silence, enjoying the brisk night air that was swallowing the pounding heat radiating from my body at the thought of Arizona driving….she was….amazing.

"I wanted to show you." Arizona whispered.

"Show me what?" I asked, confusion setting over my eyes as I watched Arizona hesitantly pick out her words.

"Who I was…who I was before I met you….because…I realized how stupid it was. How stupid I was and how unfair I was being towards you." Arizona turned towards me and I could see the ferocious determination in her eyes. I sat there wordlessly as Arizona continued with utmost concentration.

"You asked me who I was…you asked me who I was…and I am a person who…has a past that I'm not proud of…which is awful I know…but I…well I wasn't honest with you. I hid things from you. I…" Arizona opened her mouth wordlessly as she searched to find the next words, " I…I hid things from you cause I was scared. I didn't want you to see who I was…the things I did…the people I….well…the way I was." Arizona finished, anxiety dominating her features as she bit her lip.

"Okayyyy….why not?" I asked as I tried to take in her confession.

Arizona narrowed her eyes and opened her mouth wordlessly yet again, she looked away into the distance as she shrugged gently, "I didn't want you to judge me for the way I was…I was raised to be a good man in a storm…but there was a time…when I was different…and…and here I was…getting all….all mad at you for not telling me about Mark…not telling me everything…not being honest with me…when…when I'm the one who has been dishonest the whole time…I'm the one who has this past where I was…where I was…."

"_Hot_." I answered. My lips curling into a teasing smile as I saw the nervous chuckle escape her lips.

"_Calliope…_" Arizona began, with a serious tone.

"What?! You were hot! AZ the _legend…_I have to say…it is all…very…VERY hot. And you still_ ARE_ hot… I mean the driving….the SWEARING…the speed….the adrenaline….the _danger_…" before I could finish, Arizona had lunged towards me and plunged her lips against mine.

I felt all the breath in my lungs sucked out of me as Arizona tangled her hands in my hair, pushing roughly against me as her lips pressed onto mine hungrily. Pushing every thought out of my brain as she slammed her body onto mine.

"Wait…wait…wait." I whispered, pushing her away from me as a look of fear flickered through her eyes at my rejection.

"I'm sorry…I know I shouldn't have…and I know…I know it's too soon…and if you want, we can be friends…just be friends and…" Arizona began to mumble rather embarrassingly.

"No….NO…I don't want to be just friends it's just…" I began, comprehension dawning slowly as I racked my memory for something that would answer my suspicions. Arizona simply squinted her eyes and shook her head once in confusion.

"Um…okay…so…what…why did you just… push….me…away." she asked as she continued her look of bewilderment, angling her head away and piercing me with her eyes.

"No… I just…wait. Driving. Swearing….speed…adrenaline…_danger…_THAT was your 3KO wasn't it! Oh my god. That's right. This has to be the danger. The _sense of risk_. The_ danger _part of your 3KO." I feigned a look of anger as I looked to the shocked Arizona standing before me.

"Um…uh…how…how do you know about the 3KO….I mean…I'm not 3KO-ing you Callie…I just…." Arizona began to rant, obviously thrown off by my knowledge of her moves.

"So you think you can just use…use ONE move in your 3KO and just 3KO me? Like…like…some sort of girl you can just _wow _and sleep with? Oh god. You sleep with them in your car don't you! In…in…that car I just sat in it…ugh..gross!" I yelled, keeping a straight face as I fought hard not to laugh at the look of complete terror that was dominating her fearful features. She shook her head vigorously as I turned to leave. I'm so going to hell for doing this.

"No…No…CALLIOPE!" Arizona yelled as she grabbed my arm, holding me back from leaving. I was actually thankful for the darkness now, because I was grinning. _Literally grinning_. But obviously Arizona couldn't see since I was facing the other way.

"What?" I answered with frustration lacing my voice. I should win a Tony Award for my acting skills. Even I was surprised at the coldness that protruded from my retort.

"Calliope…this _is _my 3KO. And…and I know...I know you're not one of the girls that I can just go and smile with my dimples in full view and just…and just _WOW _off their feet…I know…I know because they're nothing compared to you and I just…I just thought that if I could _show _you my 3KO you could get to know me. The REAL me. The Arizona AND the _AZ_. And then we can move on and we can have no secrets and we can move past all this and…and have a future…a future with a big house and a nice yard and a fence and lots and lots of chickens because I…I have this thing for chickens..." Arizona gulped as she took a breath, not wanting to pass out from her rant. She stood there breathless with tears began to well in her eyes. She bit her lower lip hesitantly as she held her grip firmly locking me in place.

I couldn't do it anymore. Goodbye Tony Award.

"Arizona…I don't _care_ about who you were before. I love you. I _love. You. _And I love everything about you…your smile…your sexy secret double life where you moonlight as an intense drift racer….your dimples…your blue eyes…your kindness…your ability to mend my broken heart even though yours needed help fixing too …you're…hot…and….and…_stunning_…and…_breath-taking_. You're… _amazing. _And…if being with you…means that I have to be with this _AZ _then…so be it. Besides…it's super sexy to see you swear and look all badass in your leather jacket." I finished with a smile, looking at the still hesitant blonde before me.

"Really?" She whispered softly, the returning sense of hope evident in her tone.

"Wait…wait…" I started, looking at her rather sternly.

"I'm sorry Calliope. I'm soo… sooo…" Arizona began, insecurity and fear flickering over her eyes yet again.

"What do you mean this _is _your 3KO?" I asked, raising my eyebrow as I evaluated the look of shock in her expression. This was clearly not a question she was expecting.

"What?" She answered in confusion.

"Your 3KO. The one that Nadia knocked off from for her own 3KO… I thought there were three components…danger. Soulful…" I began, counting with my fingers as I strained to remember what Nadia had said that day.

"Oh." Arizona whispered, her cheeks blushing instantly.

"Uh…wait…you mean?" I smiled as I realized the answer to my own question.

"…yeah." Arizona nodded a quick affirmative nod as she continued to blush profusely.

"WOW. So…soo you…you only needed one move?" I asked in shock, no longer to keep my surprise in check.

"_Calliope…" _Arizona whispered, a knowing smile spreading across her features.

"One. Freakin' move? Wow. I mean… I knew you had moves…you were _legendary_…and like all rock star and stuff but…wow…ONE move and …and _any _girl…gay OR straight…Wow." I whispered, unable to muster anything else. .

"Look. I'm not trying to _3KO_ you Calliope."

"Well you just did."

"Uh…okay. I guess I did. Would it make you feel better to know that you are the first person to push me away after taking my 3KO hit?" Arizona spoke slowly and seductively as she wrapped her hands around the small of my waist, leaning her body flush against mine as her breath caressed my lips.

"A little." I whispered, completely enticed by her dimples…her sparkling blue eyes…I bit my lip as my breath hitched.

"Good." She whispered as she leaned in towards me, her lips inching closer and closer as she gently ran her nails under my shirt and down my back…just as her lips were about to touch mine I stuck my hand between us, to the obvious dismay of Arizona.

"Wait." I halted her advance with my fingers.

"CALLIOPE!" Arizona yelled, frustration crawling over her pouted lips as I stared at the dark lustful blue swirls in her eyes that were glaring at me.

"Sorry. Sorry. It's just…this 3KO…how…how did you learn to drive like that? I mean… you're normally so tense when you drive, your knuckles go all cute and white cause you want to stay in the speed limit and…and everything." I ask, curiosity taking over me as I looked into the twinkling blue eyes before of me.

Arizona paused as she grinned mischievously, "well…it's hard for me to not be tense when I want to go ten times faster than the stupid speed limit…I'm not tense because…because I'm scared of driving…nope. Na-uh. I'm tense 'cause I want to drive faster than my grandma, which is the speed I have to drive at typically...when I'm responsible _Dr. Arizona Robbins_…" Arizona explained impatiently as she leaned towards me again….

"WAIT! Wait…why do you even call it that if you only have one move? I mean…don't get me wrong…it's a damn good move but what's with the 3KO?" I questioned as Arizona gave me an exasperated look as if to say _REALLY?!_

"Look. It's just some stupid label Nadia came up with cause she wasn't able to do a one hit KO. Or _OHKO_. She just wasn't that _damn good _like me!" Arizona yelled as she tried to move in towards me again, inching closer as she rubbed circles on my back.

"WAIT!" I yelled out again as Arizona _literally _stomped her foot. It was extremely cute, coupled with her pout and dimpled frown.

"So you admit it? That you're good?" I ask, raising an eyebrow teasingly.

Arizona seemed to regain her composure at these words as she smirked seductively back at me, running her fingers deftly around my waist and towards the front of my jeans, slowly undoing them as she leaned in close to my ears.

"Okay. Fine _Calliope_.._._I admit it. I'm good." She whispered as she slid her tongue behind the area under my earlobe. I felt my knees buckle as I fell onto the roof of the white Audi, closing my eyes in pleasure as Arizona began sliding her fingers lightly into my jeans. Before I could resist, Arizona had positioned her knees beside my hips as she straddled my centre, kissing my lips hungrily as she continued to slide her fingers lower, eliciting a loud moan from me. As I gasped for breath, Arizona whispered teasingly between her kisses,

"Like I said…._I'm just._ _That. Damn_. _Good"_

****

***Arizona's Voiceover: ***_Love is like a puzzle. And puzzles are weird things. They require a certain perspective, a certain angle, a certain skill to solve. Lies. Mistakes. Slips. All missing pieces to the equation. They're the holes that hover annoyingly, the pieces we just can't seem to fit in the picture. They break us apart and wear us down. They make us forget. Forget about the promises, the memories, the laughter. They leave us anguished, crushed, dead. Sometimes love breaks us down. Tears us open. Shatters our heart into a million pieces. But the thing is, sometimes the puzzle __**needs **__to be broken, before we can piece it back together._


End file.
